My son is now almost 16 weeks and I am really not interested in sex. Everything my husband does just irritates me, but at the same time I love him unconditionally and I don't want him to change because he's trying soooo hard to be helpful. He tries to be sweet and romantic, but it just doesn't work. I get irritated with the fact that there's tons of laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, floors to be vacuumed, and on top of all of that the bed sheets haven't been changed in quite a while. God only knows what's growing on those. So right now everything around me just irritates the crap out of me, and he wants sex. Really? Why do I feel so blah about it all? I absolutely love my hubby to death and am extremely attracted to him, but when we "plan" sex just the idea of it makes me think of all the other things I'd enjoy much more. Like putting away the piles of laundry that have been sitting around the bedroom since we moved in. Or making myself dinner and getting to eat it while it's hot, without hearing the baby cry and my husband get agitated trying to deal with him. I have no energy and I really don't feel sexy. I have lost a lot of the baby weight and that makes me feel good, but not good enough to do the deed. Has anyone else gone thru something similar where they lost interest? If so, what did you do to fix it?
I felt that way during pregnancy, mostly because of the morning sickness and fatigue. But, now after almost 3 months, I am addicted to it. In the beginning I wasn't, but after a while of losing baby weight, and buying myself new close, I have felt so much more confident. Lately, I demand my daily shower and atleast a 20 minute nap. And that makes me feel so much better and gets me really in the mood.
check out my thread "no sex drive"I got a lot of great feedback about this, my hubby and I have made a pact that we will schedule sex twice a month right now and in exchange he will leave me alone the rest of the time! I do love him too but sex is the last thing on my mind right now but I know I needed to give in sometimes.
Been there! (And still am to a certain extent.) I read about this ravenously after having our daughter. Not that I ever really had a sex drive to begin with, but it was even worse after baby. A book that I found helpful was "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman. The key sentence was "Sex begets sex". Basically, the more you do it, the more you'll want it (or at least the less you'll hate it!). And I can vouch for that. Force yourself into it. Once the ball gets rolling, it's much easier to move. Good luck to you!
darwinsgirl, I could have written your post exactly!! My son is 8 weeks old, and I have two other boys. The laundry is piled up, the dishes are piled up, and yes, the bed sheets need changed. My husband is very frustrated with me, and I don't blame him, but I told him that it's not him, it's me. I also told him to please be patient with me, b/c every time he grabs me or asks for sex, it's just one more thing I feel guilty about. We're still working on it, and we have had sex a few times since my son's birth, but I'm not back into the swing of it yet. He even said tonight he was going to help on the housework, so hopefully he'll follow through, then I'll feel like following through.
Okay, so we didn't clean house. But we did go out as a family to supper with friends, then met up with some more friends for bowling afterwards with all of our kids. Nobody yelled, or got mad. We bowled and the kids bowled, and it was a lot of fun. Get home and put the boys to bed. We each do our own thing for about an hour, then of course he starts getting frisky. Well, we start with just kissing for probably 15 minutes, and that was wonderful. How often do we just "make out" with our husbands like we did when we were first dating them? And doing that simple thing, with no hint that sex HAD to follow was enough to get me in the mood, and it was great! (Sorry if TMI) If only our husbands/SO would understand the whole man/microwave, woman/oven theory, they would probably get what they want more often!
myboysmom~ That theory is sooo very true! I came home yesterday to a freshly made bed, some laundry done, and an otherwise tidy house (as tidy as when I left it at least). I did have to do the primary baby duties, tho he was kind enough to rock the baby to sleep so I could have my shower. That really helped! Put me in enough of a mood to cuddle with him, which was just what I needed to give him what he wanted. Hopefully I'll be able to communicate with him enough to get help where I need it so that I can find time to think about focusing on us.
Thanks everyone for the advice! It's nice to know I'm not alone and still somewhat normal, as normal as mommy brain can be anyways
So, I have to laugh (not at you, but at the fact that my DH was reading over my shoulder and swore that I must have written it)!!! I loved everyone's replies, too. I could cut and paste from everyone's posts to tell my story. My biggest problem is that what works for a few times will suddenly stop working. My other problem is that my biggest turn on is the thought of getting pregnant (just something incredibly sexy about the thought of creating a child with my DH and how "manly" it is for him to be able to do that- sorry if TMI). Problem is, we have 3 boys now, and I don't think my DH wants a baseball team! Right now, I don't have to worry about it (1 week old baby at home, 5 more weeks of having a viable excuse...), but I know my DH is counting down the days. Toward the end of my pregnancy, we had committed to spending more time together as husband and wife (it is amazing how often we get stuck in the mother/father/worker modes of life), and if it means just talking or watching tv together or spending some intimate time together, atleast it is us time.
lovin3 - I thought I was the only one who was turned on when I thought about getting pregnant! It wasn't an over share for me I'm right there with ya.
For me, for a while after my son was born my DH wasn't allowed to touch me at all. Something with hormones I guess. Everywhere he would touch me that would normally turn me on suddenly just made me want to throw him into a wall. My chest area was completely off limits for months. That's worn off though, idk if it's bec of willpower to get over it or if it actually did wear off. I'm frequently just not in the mood, but for his sake I "play the part" and by the time we get in bed I'm in the mood all the same as he is and ... well, you know the story from there.
I have a 14-week-old son and sex has not been the same since he's entered our lives.
I had a really great sex drive before I gave birth, and now I have absolutely no desire for sex at all.
I talked to my therapist about it and he said it may be because I feel under appreciated and not quite as attractive as I used to feel.
I'm hoping it's just hormones and it will get resolved by itself.