I feel like a single mom

[hullch1980]

My husband wanted kids and now he is not involved in my daughter's life hardly at all. She is a month and a half old. He only wants to spend time with her when she is happy. He lets her cry when I need a break. How do I get Dad more involved in her life? Its sad because I feel like she cries most of the time when he is with her, but when I pick her up she stops crying. By the way I am breastfeeding her.

[Newmom!]

I think your husband is not sure what to do with such a little thing that is non-responsive (at least not responsive the way he imagined children would be). Help him to see how he can play with her and get responses to what he does. He can hold her facing him, make simple slow and repetitive faces (like sticking his tongue out) and she will begin to imitate him. Walk his fingers up her tummy and then beep her nose - preferably with a little phrase, said or sung. She will begin to anticipate her nose being "beeped" (my baby would open his mouth). There is so much more that can be discovered together.

Also, I nursed, and continue to nurse my baby as a toddler. It did not prevent any sort of involvement or bonding between my husband and baby. My husband was fully involved, sitting with us while we nursed, burping baby during and after feedings, getting baby and bringing him to me at night, changing diapers, playing as mentioned above, putting him down for a nap, giving him his daily bath, holding him in the wee hours of the morning when he didn't need to nurse but also didn't want to sleep, etc.

Now my husband and toddler are well bonded. Dad is allowed to do things that I am not (according to our toddler). Help your husband to see how he can play with her and how he can be involved in the feeding process and in her daily schedule. It is also possible he is a little overwhelmed. I have a child development degree and did a ton of babysitting and have younger siblings - I didn't realize how hard of I time I would have being a parent. Maybe he is feeling similar.

One more thought, have him wear a blanket or t-shirt you have worn or slept with. It will smell like you and calm your baby a bit so he will have a more successful play time with her. He does need to interact with the baby about half the time (or more) and you about half the time (or less) in order for her to be comfortable with him, and him with her.

Wish you the best, simply be together as much as possible and try to enjoy being a family.

[TWINMOMMD]

I totally agree with the prior comment but please keep in mind the following:
Some men just don't KNOW how to handle a baby that young. They become scared and avoiding becomes their defense mechanism. I know plenty of fathers that were not active in the beginning and as time went by and they got the hang of it they became more proactive. I know it's no excuse but they're just not moms.

[charliesmommy]

Have you tried giving her to him to burp after you are done nursing her?

Also, he could bond with her by reading, laying skin to skin with her on his chest so she can hear his heartbeat. That was my husband's favorite thing when Charlie was a tinie tiny baby.