PLEASE tell me I'm normal

[KilliansMommy]

I've always been a touch paranoid with the thought of someone breaking in at night and stuff like that but since I had my son seven months ago it's been getting worse and worse. Luckly my husband switched to the day shift at work but he's gone from 5am til 7pm and I get scared at every sound I hear. He's also in the army national guard and has to go 2 1/2 hours away for his weekend Army training and when he's gone I can't sleep. I end up laying on my sons floor until I can't stay awake anymore.. I sound like a nut job I know.. I've lately been going to my parents house, because luckly they live 3 minutes down the road, but I've been sleeping at their house with my son because I just can't sleep when I'm alone. Has anyone else gone through this or am I nuts?

[gorgeousmom]

I feel terrible for you. Living with that much fear will drive you nuts. I also feel badly for you because you spend a lot of your time being a single parent. Your husband does great service for our country and you should be blessed with feeling safe. My husband is a cop and I never fear for him or our family. I believe that's because of my religion. We're taught that if we live rightously terror will never enter our lives. If you're religious, try praying for help to lessen you of your fears. Also, hypnosis could help. Look in your area for an expert.

[WilliamnJacksmom]

Your question hits home. I know that I have the same problem. I can't sleep at night because my husband works graves and I have two children to take care of. It is alot of responsibility. I also know that my husband is leaving in October for boot camp (Army) and don't quite know what to do. I do know that I have my two year sleep with me in my room and my 4 month old sleeps in his bed next to us. It makes me feel a little safer knowing I can get to them if I need to. You are not nuts, it is something that you have to get used to. I know when he first started I was alot worse than I am now. I even called the police on a bush knocking on my window. (Funny now but not so much then) You are not alone and don't ever feel that you are...it does get better the longer the time frame is.

[doncobeth]

I don't know what 'normal' is... but I do know a lot of mums (including myself) suffer from the same anxiety when they are home alone. I tend to let my 5 year old sleep in the same room (and usually same bed) as me, which helps a fraction because at least I know I can get her quickly. I also leave a light on in the hallway, so the house isn't dark, and will quite often go to sleep in front of the tv (I move it into my room) so that there is 'background noise' - I don't tend to notice every creak in the house then. My husband is going to a conference for a week in a few days, so I have invited a friend to come and stay with me while he is away - having another adult in the house reassures me. During the day I always have the tv/radio/music on. I have had anxiety and depression for years, so my doctor occassionally prescribes some low dose sleeping pills when I am really exhausted and panicky (I seem to be worse some times than others), which can help ease the panic a bit - I am certainly not a big drug taker (I might take medication to help me relax once every 2 months or so) , or recommending you take medication, but it is one option that has given me some relief when I have felt I am losing my mind. There are other relaxation methods (I also do breathing, various distraction techniques, etc) that may help - if possible maybe see a psychologist to see what may work for you.

[KelEMcE]

I have a friend in her 40s, highly educated, lives in a lovely neighborhood with no crime, very mellow and easy-going mom. But when her husband is out of town, she's a total nut. She sleeps fully dressed, with her contacts in and her shoes on and a cell phone by the bed, "just in case".

My husband travels all the time for work. I am often here with the kids alone. I totally admit that I don't sleep as soundly when he's not here. And I do sleep better if the girls are in my bed with me (once in awhile we put a movie on in my room and eat popcorn in bed, and I let them sleep with me, for a girls' night). But I wouldn't say that I am afraid. Part of it may be that my husband is a cop, so I have a gun in the house and know how to use it. Part of it may be that I lived alone for a few years before my husband and I got married. Part of it may be the state-of-the-art alarm system we installed, with cellular backup in case our phone lines are cut!

When he's out of town, I do take precautions: I set the alarm early in the evening, I leave a light on downstairs, I use timers on lights in my front hallway, I leave the driveway and porch lights on all night. I installed motion sensitive lights in my backyard and my driveway. I tell my neighbor across the street (also a cop) to look out for me. I keep a phone on my nightstand in case of emergencies.

You are not a nut job - you just have this much greater responsibility now that you are a mom, and you want to protect your baby. If you sleep better at your parents' house and it doesn't interfere with your baby's schedule, then go for it. Look into an alarm system, though, because they aren't expensive and it provides a little peace of mind. Maybe a loud dog, too! Maybe your mom or dad could come and sleep at your house for a while to ease your mind, too. I have never taken sleeping pills, so I don't know if this is an issue, but I would worry about taking anything when home alone with the baby. But definitely talk to your doctor, because if you get totally exhausted and sleep deprived, you aren't going to be able to take care of your child the way you'd like to. Give yourself a break - you aren't crazy, just cautious!

[ljnicklow@yahoo.com]

I was in a similar situation. My husband and i were in the Navy and he worked 3rd shift i was alone 98% of the time we had no family near us at the time and i had a daughter two years ago we didn't really live in the best neighborhood. We had gotton a dog to help ease my fears but it didn't she is a big old wimp.so i used to lie in bed at night talking to myself as if i was talking to my husband about the day and the baby to calm down enough to fall asleep. The talking really distracted me and put my mind at ease also you could always try a security system they do have their annoyances but in the end they are a big help

[Annie]

I feel so much better after reading these because I thought I was crazy. My husband is gone a lot and since I have had my son I am always terrified when we are alone. I'm constantly checking windows and locks and I've almost dialed 911 numerous times when I have heard noises. We also have a large dog which makes me feel a little better but she is also a wimp. When my son goes to sleep I have started drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine just to calm down. My husband is starting to get so annoyed with me which really doesn't help anything. Now I'm just so tired all day long because I don't sleep at night and it makes me feel like such a bad mother.

[angelbaby379]

I so know the feeling. When we had our little girl and moved away from our family I was a nervus reck. My husband works as a welder for a consturction company and is gone to work alot of hours every week so I was always home alone. I would be up all night long playing out these horrible scenes in my mind about people getting into our home and hurting me and my little girl. My husband is a hunter so we have a few different guns and I would almost always think " well if they came in this way would I have enough time to get to a gun and have it loaded before they got to us?" I'm sorry I dont care if this hurts someones feelings or not but if someone comes in on me and my child I will do whatever it takes to protect her. Even now we have moved back to our home town and my husband still works all the time so our little girl sleeps with me so I know that I can watch and protect her through the night. If your nuts then I am afraid to know what people would think of me.

[Mommy22]

I too have always been a little on edge and worried about the what - ifs. It definately got worse with my first baby and doubled with the second. However, I was driving down the street and a church had a sign on that read 'Fear is the sin of not trusting God.' Things don't usually grab me like this did. I did a lot of thinking about the message. No matter what happens, I realize now I cannot handle it if I don't have help. Even something as small as getting through a tantrum on a bad day, I try to resist the urge to get mad and I just pray. It sounds so easy but it's hard when you're in the middle of something- and we women think we can handle it all. So, before you go to bed and when you wake up, just say a little prayer and tell God you're putting your family in his hands and to please take the fear away. I've done it and I promise you, it helps. Sleep well.

[Cadesmommy]

my hubby works offshore for 2 weeks away and then two weeks home when he leaves for his two weeks i pack the baby's stuff and mine and drive an hour and a half to stay with my parents to feel safe and to know if something were to happen to me or the baby i have some support soooo i think most women just need that support not just because your scared ...its the whole safty net deal