This is my journey through my first pregnancy…..
As of today I am 23 weeks pregnant, and the past couple of months have been less than ideal. At 15 weeks I started having pretty horrible pain in my right side right below my breast. I go to my ob and he immediately sends me to get a sonogram on my gallbladder. Well come to find out I have gallstones and my gallbladder had stopped working all together. I am told that I have to have surgery.
I go and meet with the surgeon and he explains everything to my husband to be and me. I am told that the best time to have the surgery is in my second trimester. There are of course risks but it is a standard surgery. We scheduled the surgery for the next week.
“Everything went perfect” the surgeon said to my husband to be, mom and dad. I get released 10 hours later from the hospital. The pain was pretty bad. I had never had surgery before this. I couldn’t get out of a chair on my own. I had to sleep at an incline. I go back to see my surgeon a week later and he says I am healing wonderfully. But since I’m pregnant he wants to make sure I’m fully healed before going back to work. And in the middle of this I am putting the finishing touches on my wedding which was only a week and a half away.
The wedding goes off without any major issues. I go back to the surgeon and my pain is gone. I feel like a normal pregnant lady. I go back to work.
4 days later…
The pain is back. This time at the site of the gallbladder and all around my stomach. It felt like I was getting stabbed from the inside all around where the baby is. I go back to my OB and he prescribes medication for IBS. Well, that does absolutely nothing. I call again and he tells me that I need to go to the hospital. I go and they hook me up to baby heart rate monitors, take blood and make me go potty in a cup. Everything is fine. My baby girl is perfect. She is right on track. Her heart rate is perfect.
That makes me so happy to hear. But doesn’t help with the pain at all. So they tell me to keep taking the IBS medication, take fiber, and take a stool softener. And even drink coffee. So I do all of this and now not only am in pain but I’m going to the restroom every hour if not more. And in the mist of this I am having to call out off work on a daily basis.
So now……I am frustrated and mad and freaked out. All my doc can tell me is “if you’re hurting too much just call out and I will give you a doctor’s note.” Yes it is nice to have an open ended doctor’s note but I would actually like to feel better.
My boss is getting frustrated because I can’t really tell her anything because I don’t know anything.
So I call my general practitioner. I go in and he pushes on the painful areas, draws my blood, and makes me go potty in a cup (yes I am getting used to that part now.) And sends me back to get another sonogram on my stomach. He also sets me up with an internalist. Which can’t see me for another 3 weeks, but hey it’s a start!
I get a call from him and he tells me the blood work came back great with the exception that my white blood count is slightly high. He said that it could be because of stress, infection, or a few other things. So that tells us nothing. He reviewed the sonogram and everything looked good. No leftover stones and no issues with the ducts. So now I am back at square one. I’m still waiting for the other doctor appointment. But in the mean time I am only working 4 hours a shift. When it’s supposed to be a full time job. And I have never felt more frustrated in my entire life.
It is supposed to be me and my husband’s honeymoon time. And I haven’t been able to enjoy being with him. All I can do is worry about the baby, my health, and my job. I feel like a complete failure as a woman, as a wife, and as a mommy to be. The second trimester is supposed to be the “Golden Trimester”, but all I want to do is sleep. My husband has been great, but I feel so incredibly bad that I don’t ever feel like making love to him. I want to, but my body and mind say absolutely not.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel normal. I expected some ups and downs with pregnancy. Going potty all the time. Nausea. Heart burn. Wanting to sleep all the time.
But I feel like I am missing out on all of the good stuff.
So I sit and write hoping I can figure something out. So I can relieve some of this frustration, pain and anger.
This is supposed to be one of the most beautiful times. I am going to be a mother. One of exactly two things I have always wanted. But all I can feel right now is fear and pain.
So I sit and write. Hoping to find happiness and start to feel like a normal mommy to be. So I can enjoy my life, my pregnancy, and my husband.
To be continued.....
(sorry it was so long.....a lot of my mind)