My 4 year old isn't listening in school

[erielle]

My 4 year old boy is in Pre-K. He goes from 8am-11:15 and then goes to a pre k at daycare until about 3pm. We are doing shared custody with him. He goes to his "dads" for a week and then to my house for a week. I honestly think that it is too much for a 4 year old but that is another story.

Anyway, He has a folder that is sent home every day. In it, there is a calendar with happy faces on each day. He either gets no line or 3 lines through his happy face just about every day. The things he has been getting in trouble for:

Standing on top of the table.
Not staying in line.
Coloring on the table.
Talking back to teacher
Screaming at teacher
taking clothes off

These things are NOT like my son. He just recently came "out of his shell" about a year ago. He used to be very quiet and would hardly talk to other children. He would hide behind my leg when we were at other people's houses. Well, I am seeing a NEW side now. He is quite the opposite which is GREAT but if only he could just learn to listen and cooperate with the teacher.

I have had "Talks" with him. They don't work. He has promised and promised that he would do good but then comes back with a line through his smiley and usually doesn't remember what he did wrong when I ask him. Right now he is throwing toys away for each bad smiley he gets. (I know it seems like a weak attempt but I just can't think of anything else.) We talk about it. He knows it is wrong. He promises he will do better. Then it's like he gets to school and forgets and feels so bad about getting in trouble when he gets home but never remember why he gets in trouble. He usually tells me that he got in trouble for the same reason he did yesterday so he isn't getting much reinforcement somewhere I don't think.

At daycare he gets in trouble too. Banging his head on the table was one. That just doesn't seem like my son but that is what I was told. Then he tore his name off of his table and when the teacher looked at him and said "stop" he just looked back at her and tore it off and crumbled it up. So there is definitely an attitude there. But where on earth is it coming from? How do I stop it? The teachers are suggesting he be tested. I am waiting because I do not want him to be misdiagnosed. Please help if you can.

[Rainymeadow]

Oh, I had one like this he is 10 now and happy. We found out that he was having a personality conflict with his teacher and he just didn't fit into regular school very well. We moved him to a free public Montessori school and all the 'at school' problems disappeared completely. If you are not seeing the problems at home, the problem is at school. I am not anti-school, but for some children I think the 'sit down, be quiet' thing that is needed for order in the classroom just doesn't work for the child. Don't be afraid of testing, but don't let the school do it. My advice: have it done by doctors YOU trust and ones that are not drug happy. We had our son tested and it turned out to be a well hidden hearing problem. Good luck to you. You sound like a wonderful mom who cares for her child greatly.

[mum2mum]

hello erielle, this is very common form of child behavior. I had just written about No.1 Cause of Misbehavior in Kids - What Every Parents Should Know. Sharing it with you at http://www.mumsafari.com/category/kids-behavior. Hope it help!

[ProudMommy06]

I was also have some issues with my 4 year old son who tends to be a little hyper at times.. His 1st of pre-k he went to the office We decided to take him to the doctor to see if he might be ADHA or ADD and they thought he was a normal 4 year old boy... We did find that certain vitamins have helped with his behavior such as Fish Oil and Total Calm Kid but we have since changed to another Calm Kid due to him not liking the taste of the previous one! If you go to your local vitamin store they can assist you Good luck!

[Jemma2]

Yes, the whole "sit down and follow directions" is just really hard when they are so young. Some kids can do it, but some kids have a really hard time. How long has he been going between homes? That can be so hard for kids. It sounds like you are frustrated with that situation too and there's probably not anything you can do. But anything to make his life as stable and structured and safe as possible. Is his dad willing to work with you to make the routines at each house as much the same as possible? Are his teachers trying anything at school to work with him or are they just sending home the reports of bad behavior? Is he acting out at home? To me it sounds like he's really just confused and anxious and doesn't really know what to do.