So, I woke up today and realized that my day was going to be exactly the same as the last 6 or so years. Kids, cleaning, cokking, grocery, baths, more cleaning, bed! I got so depressed that I took my 2 kids to school, came back home, put my almost year old down in his play pen and laid on the couch for hours. the only time I got up was to feed him quickly, give him a bottle and change him. Normally I would spend the day catering to him and the rest of the fam. I have just had it. I am bored and lonely and fed up with the monotony. I want to work but I have no idea what I want to do at the age of 30...pathetic, I know. I also have only 3 credits to go with my associates degree, but I gave up! Plus I am not the kind of person who can put my baby in daycare; it takes a stronger mom to do that I think. I resent my husband for never being home and comingf and going as he pleases. I didn't sign on for that. I hate the way my life is and I have no idea how to make it better. I need guidance and there is no one for me to turn to. I love my children with my whole heart but is that all there is? I am just a mom and nothing more. I watch all kinds of movies late at nighgrt an d they all make me wish my life were just a little different. I want to be a mom but I want more then that. I am sooooo bored all the time. There is nothing for me to do where I live and even if there was, m y husband is never home to let me try anything new like join a softball team or take that last class to get my associates degree. I dont know how to make friends at this stage in th egame and besdies, I dont want to spend every day at a mommy and me thing anyway. When you become a mom and a pwife, does it really mean that you have to giv e up your whole life for them??? Ugh, am I alone here?
I couldn't believe it when I saw this; I'd been feeling almost the same way and wondering if I was going nuts. I only have one daughter, but she's the only one I have to talk to since my husband would rather make everyone else happy except me (it seems). I wish I had some good advice but unfortunately I'm looking for that missing something myself. I used to actually love waking up, knowing I'd be getting together with friends and going to a job I enjoyed. Now, I literally have no one left after my 11th move in 7 years other than my daughter and husband, and I don't have him. I guess I'm a bit different in that I never mind being with my daughter because she's the only joy in my life, but I understand not having anything outside of your children. Since I have no advice, I can only let you know you're not alone and I hope things get better for you, since maybe then there'll be hope for me.
Been there. Being left alone with the kids I found a new hobby and that is gardening. I tried growing everything there is and that made me happy.
Go back to school. 4-5 hours a week in a childcare center or left with a baby sitter will not harm your 1 year old while you take a class. You will feel a lot better for moving forward and you'll probably be more up for the hum-drum when you have the little extra change of the class (1-2 a semester is what I am thinking). Also, your reaction sounds like you might be suffering from depression. Consider talking it over with your doctor, post-partum depression can appear a year after giving birth.
Be sure to try to do something just for you. Maybe sell something like party light or avon, that will get you out a few evenings a week when your husband is home. Or join the elementary school's PTO they are usually very short handed and you could easily work several hours a week organizing reader of the month prizes, fund raisers, etc. Best part (relating to your daycare comment) you can take your 1 yr old with you to the school.
Join a mom's group and get together with them frequently, real adult interaction might be enough to help out. But whatever you choose to do, make sure you choose to do something that breaks up the monotony.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!
I felt as though I were reading about myself when I saw this post. you are not alone in your feelings about bieng bored and resentful. I love my family but sometimes feel as though I am the one always giving and doing for others and rarely recieving. I understand about living in an area where there isn't a lot to help with friendships and mom/kid groups. I live in a small town where there just aren't any supportive groups for moms here. It's a bit difficult for me sometimes because all of the people here know and grew up with each other here and it seems everyone you meet is related to someone else here. My 2 best friends live in Florida and I haven't seem either one of them in more than 5 years!
Raemouse1219, It is past time for you to do something for yourself. You have doted on, waited on, and catered to your family at the expense of YOU. It may be time to try daycare for a few hours (3 or 4) to give you some much needed time off. Use those hours to give yourself a manicure, soak in a hot tub for hours without interruption, read a good book or magazine or just get your hair done. It is not selfish to take care of your own needs too, it is mandatory for you to be happy. Ever heard of the phrase "If mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy" ? this is very true.
My husband gets upset when I don't use every spare second of time to clean up the house but he doesn't understand that I need time too. Just like he makes time for himself to go hunting, fishing or to a sporting event with his guy buddies or guy co-workers....I'm going to make time for ME. And that's the way that it's going to stay. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you need and DO NOT back down. It will be worth the fight.
I HAVE felt that way too! I had to come to the realization that no one was going to give it to me-I had to TAKE my own time. Mix it up and get out of your routine and give other moms a chance.
Ive felt so bad the last few days thinking i was alone in feeling like this!My husbands in the military so hes CONSTANTLY gone and its just me and her and i feel like i cant leave her. I go to school on line late at night after my daughter is in bed, but sometimes it can take up to 1 hr in getting her down and after that im exhausted. Ive tried working out but i feel so guilty being gone-yes even when shes sleeping, that i stay home and then i begin to hate myself and wondering what i got myself in to having a kid. i see my sisters going out partying having fun and i resent them for it. Ive got in to reading but then i get so bored with that even. Ive tried talking to drs about it and they tell me itll pass and give me a medication to take for my depression. Lately tho im starting to wonder if im even mommy material- dont get me wrong I love my daughter with all my heart but sometimes i need me time without feeling guilty about it!
don't feel guilty about needing YOU time, it's important. I am fortunate in that my husband encourages me to take that time, even if it is only an hour or two a day take it. Don't be afraid of daycare, you don't have to send your child all day, find a daycare that is hourly, you can schedule a couple hours a day a few days a week, then when babi is at daycare she gets her social time (and it will help wear her out for later.) and you can go to starbucks or the park or library, read a book or get a massage.
I won't lie, at first i was hesitant to try daycare, but i found a good one where i felt comfortable leaving my daughter, and you know what? she really liked it, and i found that i really did need the down time. Take your YOU time ladies! I hope you enjoy it and feel better soon.
Wow. I thought I was the only one that felt like this. I haven't been doing it as long tho. I have a 17 month old and a 4 month old. I don't go anywhere with friends or my hubby doesn't take me out. He seem content with me cleaning, cooking, catering to him, andthe kids. It seems like he doesn't care if I am exhausted or hurting as long as he gets his way. I love my kids but i just want to have a lil bit of a life outside of babies and boyfriend...
I wholeheartedly agree that just a few hours a week in day care will not hurt your baby! And as much as the gym makes everyone go *groaaaannnn*, most gyms offer in house sitting while you work out, and having just an hour a day to yourself doing a light workout (like the bike or an elliptical) will actually make you feel better emotionally and physically, And daycare may be good for your little one, help with socialization and help them from getting bored too!
Moms groups are great if you can find the right one. You may still be out with your kid, but they usually have really fun things to do that break up the neverending monotony!