Should we feel guilty about wanting more for ourselves than just being a mom? Is it o.k to feel unfulfilled? I am not saying I don't want to be a mother, I am saying I want that plus something for myself.
I deal with these types of issues in my blog as well.
Last edited by Kay at Parenting.com; 09-01-2010 at 10:27 PM.
As a dad of two small kids with no extended family to help I want more but I also realize that a) it's not going to happen at the moment and b) what I have right now is awesome on its own right. It's a phase like cramming through nights to graduate from a good college. Couldn't take this for the rest of your life, but you wouldn't have a chance even if you wanted to. They WILL go to school, get their own friends and make you miss these days.
yes i guess you are absolutly right jamacat, these moments will be over before you know it, isn't it what it takes to be a parent. So enjoy what you have now, you will eventually have your own time.
But it won't harm for a few minutes aday for yourself.
I'm a SAHM but I also have this underlying urge to do something more. I don't quite understand it because I love being home with my DS. But part of me feels like I'm being lazy and naturally I have more of a guilty conscience.
NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... I had the same issue not long ago. I believe in the whole attachment parenting theory. I LIVED by it for the first 12 months. HOWEVER, I had my mother in law living next door, so when I had to do an hours work for my hubby, it was fine...
I do not think SAHM makes you a better parent. I believe living our passions is what will help us enjoy our lives much much more. The key is to keep it in perspective and keep the needs of our children at the forefront of our minds. The first 7 years are critcial for development, and having juts mummies perspective because they are home with you all day, then that I believe is not ok either. They need other perspectives too.
My son is 22 months old, and I have a about 10 hours away from him a week. He LOVES it and SO do I ....
I do not think raising our children alone is natural. Back in my mums villages, they had the whole street full of kids, aunts etc......These days its us and us alone. I think we need to keep this in perspective!
There is NOTHING wrong w wanting more. When i had my first i was a SAHM, nd loved it. But as time went on, i started feeling more and more unfullfilled. It didnt' help that I was only 20, nd didn't really live most of my life. I experienced a lot in those 20 yrs, but i was still 20 none-the-less. Now, at 23 w 2 kids, i'm working and in school. I feel a lot more fullfilled nd thus happier, which i think makes me an even better mom. In my situation, going to school seemed to be a necessity to me, so it is more hours away from my kids which i honestly would like to spend w them, but i think for others if being a SAHM leaves u feeling like something is missing, there's nothing wrong w having a hobby away from the kids, part time job, take a few classes, do something that is just for you and doesn't have ne thing to do w ur kids. Hey, even if u have some unfullfilled dream, don't think being a parent means u still can't achieve them. It might take a little longer, and a little more work, but it's definitely still attainable.
My husband wanted me to become a stay home mom but now that our youngest is ten I can go and help him in the business. I've always wanted to do something else and he knows I get bored sometimes just staying at home taking care of the kids and him.
I think the world wants us to believe we are unfilfilled if we don't work outside the home, but I can feel deep within my soul when I'm with my children I am doing the greatest work I will ever be able to do.
Raising a child will have a far more reaching effect upon the world than any job/career could ever hold. Your child needs you and your top priority should be your child and making them a productive adult with good morals/values.
Yes you have to find some time for yourself because you 'cannot fill another's bucket if yours is empty' but it shouldn't superceed your family.
I don't think you should feel guilty because it human to want more and having questions what if I have a better job? what if I had a better education? the truth is one should be content with what you have and be thankful. because when one is not content trouble might come, enjoy what you have. If Your child is small there is no better person then you to take care of that child , you know your child is in good hands because he/she is with you.
I like what was said about yes- you can achieve your goals, it just takes a little longer and a little more work - to me that makes it more worth while.
I find getting out of the house by myself 3 days a week is the perfect balance. I go on a date with my husband once a week, go to the gym for another and picked up opera lessons for my third day.
I think my daughter has benefited from spending time at grandma's house with different house rules and daily routines. I see a different maturity in her and Grandma does fun things like finger painting that I sometimes neglect.
My daughter also benefits by coming to my opera shows and seeing me play pretend on stage. She really looks up to me for my talents and talks about wearing fun costumes like me all the time. It makes me feel good about the hobby I've chosen. I'm doing something that still enhances the people around me and I feel community outreach is important - just like the influence you are in the home.
Working on producing shows has helped me refine a different skill set I might need someday if our husband wasn't making a full income for our family. I have connections in the world to get services when I need it and social time with other moms who feel like me. I in no way feel guilty about my talents. I think we all deserve to use them to enhance the beauty in and out of the home.