car seat vs. heat wave- opinions please!

[outkast]

i am currently forbidden to see my step-grandchildren due to the following situation.while we were at lunch with my husband, my sin and his two step-children, we had car trouble. we were able to get it pushed to a gas station that was closing the minute we pulled in. i was able to get us a ride back to my son's house from a friend who was minutes away. however, she had a small car and it was necessary to put the car seats in the trunk so we could all fit in the car. we took the old highway (approx. 15 miles AT 45 MPH) and the children were buckled in, as well as wedged between their father and my husband. my DIL was very angry with me and felt i should have left my son and the two children (6 and 7 years of age and almost tall enough to stop using a booster seat) at the gas station until she got off work- in 6 hours! there were no bathroom facilities or water available for them to use, the temp was 100 degrees and the heat index was 110. my son never said a word about the fact the kids weren't in the car seats, in fact he is the one who asked my friend to open the trunk to place the seats there. i am forbidden to see the children now, even though i wasn't in charge of the children, their step-father (my son) was there. we have had a lot of problems getting along and this is just the latest situation in which i have found myself. before my son married her, she made a point of telling me how important i was to the children. now she says my relationship with the children is ridiculous, unwarranted and not needed. i have gotten very attached to my grandchildren and i would never put them in jeopardy. is this a legitimate concern or just her latest way of alienating me from the children, who love me very much by the way? please, all opinions are welcome. was i in the wrong? i was concerned about the heat.

[Newmom!]

I am a huge believer in car seats. It takes only one accident. My brother at age 2 needed stitches from a parking lot accident - didn't even get out to the road. You just never know. I think if I were you I would have found an alternative way home. 15 miles isn't that far. Could have taken 2 trips with half the adults and half the kids each time. Or called a cab, or called another friend, etc.

However, if the children's step-dad was there, then I think you technically don't have any responsibility, it was his decision. You could have vetoed it, but still his choice. Talk with your son and have him talk to your DIL. (although she may be hopping mad at him too).

This site may help you to know the car seat laws in your state. If your grandkids meet these requirements, then maybe car seats are not needed.
http://www.elitecarseats.com/custser...=car_seat_laws

Either way, your DIL feels that her children were potentially at risk, and as you know, nothing is worse that a mom protecting her children. So give her some time, have your son talk with her, and let her know you understand her fears and discuss how she will feel her children are safe with you so you can see them again.

[outkast]

let me clarify a few points.
our state requires car seats for children 6-8 only if they are under 4'9". the 7.5 year old is 4'8", the 6 year old is 4'7". they are not years away from being legally out of booster seats, they are mere inches. the police directing traffic and the elementary teachers putting children in the cars after school completely ignore the booster seat law.
we are in a rural area where there is no taxi service or public transportation.
my husband has a heart condition and i have several health conditions that were aggravated by the small time i spent in the heat. leaving either of us there was not an option and my son chose to ride back with us in my friend's car rather than sitting in the heat.
i think you are under estimating the heat factor. we have had 20 people die in the heat in our area. if they had spent 6 hours in the sun, they would have been dried up like jerky. the humidity here stays near 80% at all times.
to all of you who think they should have sat in the sun, i challenge you to sit in the sun for 20 minutes with no shade and no water. you might change your opinion.
there were 3 seat belts in the backseat. my son and my husband each had their own. the two children were buckled together in the middle seat.
we took the old highway with less traffic and limited the speed to 45 miles per hour. there was little traffic on the highway.
my DIL may be a fanatic about seat belts, but she has no qualms about leaving them in the car while she runs errands. this is a much more troubling offense she repeats frequently. i have begged her not to do this but she thinks locking them in the car for 10 minutes at a time is no big deal.
her father is a high ranking police official in another state and he and i have spoken about this. he feels i made the right decision, considering that both children are only a growth spurt away from aging out. THE HEAT IS KILLING PEOPLE! by the way, she had banned both of her parents from seeing the children because they gave them a real coke (the only fluid available)instead of juice after a soccer game and they haven't seen them in 4 months.
btw, we were in my car only because none of their vehicles have valid tags or inspections.

[Newmom!]

It sounds like there is a lot more going on with your DIL than just whether or not her kids were safely transported. Does she have any mental health diagnosis, or symptoms of a mental health issue (bipolar, depression, etc.)? I think you need to not worry about if you were in the wrong or right in this issues, because I don't think the issue is the problem. Speak to your son about her mental health. He may need to help her get help. She may also "just" be an angry person - which could also use some help. Other than being open and avaliable I don't think there is much else you can do to change the situation. I wish you the best.