Intimacy and Friends

[FriscoR]

Just deleting post. Decided this isn't the right venue. Thanks for the views/replies.

[ewoods]

Based on what you've said, I don't think that the first issue is really an issue by itself. It's part of the larger issue, which seems to be that you believe that your wife is not being entirely truthful about her relationship with this other guy.

Trust has to be the foundation of every relationship. I personally am of the opinion that trust is more important than love. No matter how much you love them, if you don't trust them, the relationship will never work. So the first step is to decide if you trust your wife or not, and if you don't mind me saying so, I think it's pretty clear that you don't. Reading emails and checking phone bills are not signs of trust (you don't have to read the emails even if she leaves it open, and you don't have to look at the details section to see what your rate plan is). Besides, someone who was trying to have an affair would be doing a better job of hiding those things, unless they wanted to get caught.

So the next step is really up to you. You can decide to trust your wife, or you can decide to believe that she's lying to you. Either way, you and your wife should get some counseling. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Talk to her about what you're feeling. She's the only one who can give you the answers that you're looking for. Be as honest with her as you would want her to be with you. Yes, that means that you don't dance around the subject. Tell her that her relationship with this guy makes you uncomfortable. Tell her that you're having a hard time trusting her, and that if nothing is going on, you'll need her help in order to believe her. Ideally, that help would come in the form of ending contact with this guy. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her to end contact.

If you don't feel good after the talk, tell her you would like to see a counselor. If she says she doesn't think you need a counselor, tell her that it's really important to you. Go make the appointment and let her know when and where it's going to be. If she refuses to go, then go by yourself.

Good luck! For the sake of your son, I hope it works out.