we went to church today, and after it was over we were getting in our van, and sky my 2 year old was screaming and hitting me, i had no idea what to do. i just went blank. i put him in his car seat and tried not to get mad but thats hard when iam tired already and pregnant, so i dont have a lot of patients right now. he's being screaming every time he dose not get what he wants, and some times he'll do it for a good 5 min's! i just dont no how to deal with it , i just started crying, i was hurt that he hit me and was so mad at me. he's not like this with his dad at all. so now iam thinking its just me. and it makes me feel like iam a bad mom, and i doing something wrong. and just today it got even worse he bit him self, and some times he'll hit him self too. is this normal ? can you give me some tips on how to help him mange his anger better, thanks.
mommy of sky
may 26 2008
It's the terrible twos... get used to it.
The problem is not you, you're not a bad parent, but your toddler; who is capable off complex emotion; is not capable of expressing complex emotion. They scream, hit, kick,, bite, andothwr lovely behaviors, to vent anger and frustration. They don't know the words, so they lash out.
You handle it the way that works best for your child; some respond to time outs, some respond to a firm no; but the best thing to do is stay calm. Talk to him and validate his feelings once you have his attention(tell him you understand he's upset, but... or that you un derstand he wants to do something else, but...). But you need to have his attention so you may have to wait until he's done with the tantrum (which may mean ignoring the tantrum).
My oldest... my toddler, is very sensitive, emotional, and stubborn. What works for me is to remain calm, not raise my voice, no yelling or any emotion to what he does (he's a biter, so emotion is difficult to surpress since he bites hard); tell him "no, we don't bite" calmly; and Just as soon as he calms down and behaves, I tell him how good he is. He responds better to positive reenforcement more than discipline. I just remeber to tell him he's good often, even if he hasn't had a tantrum in a while.
I know it's tough when you're pregnant. I was in the same situation. It's not any easier after the baby is born either. But, by finding the method that worked with my son and being consistent, he started behaving a lot more. It took some time, but it works. Just keep in mind, until he learns the words to express his anger and frustration, he will have tantrums. It won't completely go away.
John-Gabriel Richard~ Born 12-14-2008
Lucas Michael- Born 07-16-2010
thank you for your help, ill try and see how it goes.
mommy of sky
may 26 2008
It is so tough when the kids act this way. I think the best thing to do, if you can, is stay calm and ignore as much as you can. Once we start responding (positively or negatively) they think "Ah...I am getting attention from this" and I think they are more likely to continue or do it again.
And please don't take it personally, my kids act way worse with me than my hubby. I mean when you need to vent or need comfort who do you turn to inately? mom. (lucky us)
DH and I have noticed that my kids whine a ton more with me than him, and we are both pretty strict.
Good luck....and congrats on the pregnancy.
You've got to let your kid vent - get him an anger-releasing squeezy ball or give him a pillow to punch. But if your kid disrespects and disobeys you, it's time to lay down the law
I seem to have the same problems..But my daughter flips if I try to "ignore" the behavior it makes her worse!She is three and half so it CAN'T be terrible two's lol when does it end...She is the perfect angle for everyone when she is home it is different and her dad and I are not together what do I do when her step mom sAys oh well she likes that food here no problem eating but yet refuses that same food here??Stuff like that what do I do.
two years olds can understand time-out. so, you should utilize it as a discipline method. time out can be used in accordance to child's age - which is one minute for each year. so, two year old kid can be put at time out corner for two minutes. after time out, describe to child in the simplest manner what went wrong. focus on behavior, not the child's mistake. all the best!
I have just written a book about NLP and parenting and as well as having run a Nursery School, I have four children myself so I can really identify with your situation.
The NLP approach is to focus on the behaviour you do want and ignore the behaviour you don't want because your toddler's positive intention is to get your attention (even if you get cross) so just turn your back on him when he screams and turn round and smile at him when he stops.
There are lots of other ways you can use NLP and I'd love to help you. Contact me via my website www.nlp-solutions.com or Skype judy.bartkowiak