Balancing being you and being a mom

[AMANDA125]

my son was born in november 2009 and i turned 21 in january 2010. im trying so hard to balance being a mother and not becoming obsessed with being a mom and forgetting to have a life outside of my son. if i leave him for an hour i feel guilty and i feel like a bad mom cause i hav this feeling that i should always be with him and never leave him with anyone else. i stopped breast feeding when he was 5 months old, but i still havent been able to bring myself to hav a drink. even a small one. mt boyfriend and some friends went in the pool one night after my son was asleep. they had a few beers, but instead of having my mom listen for the baby so i could hang out with them i felt major guilt and decided to stay upstairs with the baby. i dont think its okay to drink in front of kids and definitly not okay to get drunk in front of them. i just dont know if this guilt is justified or if anyone else feels it and how they are dealing with it . please any suggestions or input would help.

[Zack_Jenn]

I think almost every mom has trouble leaving their child behind, feeling especially guilty, to let them out of their sight. I struggle still with my 3 (3 1/2 year old, 2 1/2 year old, 6 month old) and have to force myself to leave the house sometimes. When I do get some time to relax and unwind I am a better mom, my relationship with my husband is a little bit stronger, and I feel more like a human being.

I wouldn't go out and do activities that you are uncomfortable with, but some time away is healthy for both of you. Find someone that you trust and go out in small baby steps if you have to (15 mins, 20 mins, 30 mins, an hour)

I think it's great that you are willing to sacrifice so much for your child, but you can't fill another's glass when yours is totally empty.

[joeysmom0419]

Amanda, I know exactly how you are feeling. My son is almost 3 months old. I'm 20 now, but since he has been born I have not left him with anyone. I feel guilty even thinking about calling my boyfriends mom to watch him just for even a hour hour so I can sleep. But two nights ago my boyfriend and I were invited to a movie night at his work and I decided I really wanted to go because it was our 1 year 11 month anniversary. I asked my boyfriends mom to watch him just while we were at the movie but she insisted that she keep him over night. So we could just have one night to ourselves. I feel horrible. I didn't even want to leave him. While at the movie I felt guilty. I almost called her to tell her I was coming back to pick him up, but she said something just before we left that made me stop and just let those feelings go.

"You can't be the sole caregiver of your son the rest of his life because even you have to have a life of your own. Otherwise your just going to wish you had a life when you have no life left." It was something along those lines.

You've been an amazing mom already. Live a little. Have fun and relax once in a while. Believe me it felt good to have a night where I wasn't getting up for feedings. Have a night to yourself once in a while.

[bluegrassmom]

The guilt is totally normal, especially with your first child. I had a very hard time leaving my daughter with anyone, but with my second child it's gotten easier. I'm much more relaxed and realize that if I leave him with someone I trust, he will be just fine! Just remember to take some time for yourself too! My time is during naptime.

[Newmom!]

Everyone has good thoughts on helping you to cope with having a hard time leaving your child. I have to leave my 16 mo old in daycare for the first time tomorrow. A little nerve wracking.

However, I want to address the dinking part. I think that drinking in front of your child is very appropriate. By drinking moderately and responsibly you are setting an example for your child that one can be responsible with alcohol. If you never convey this message in some way, then as a teenager they may go out of control - thinking the goal of drinking is getting drunk. If you don't want to drink in front of your child that is fine, but to demonstrate responsible drinking is a valuable lesson and you should not feel guilty if your child sees you.