We want to know: Have you ever tried to be a kind of mom you simply aren't -- like a domestic goddess, when you have dust bunnies living under the couch? What made you try to fake it?
I've definitely faked it as a June Cleaver mom, trying to make it look like we're all organized and on a nice, structured routine. NOT! Things in my house, with 3 children, 6 cats and a dog, are never organized. We know where things are and can find whatever we need in seconds, the kids have honor roll grades, we're a very close-knit family with extremely open communication with the kids, but we don't have things in proper places, a set homework time, or have dinner at the dining room table every night (in fact, we're lucky when we can find the dining room table!)
I faked it because I felt as if we weren't supposed to have it all together in the chaotic household that we have. But then I realized it didn't matter what appearances were, we really did have it right.
There is so much pressure on mothers these days. I've been chastised for not feeding my kids organic food, for allowing them to skip school for a family vacation, and for NOT letting them go to sleepovers. No matter what we do, as moms, we're going to be judged - and found lacking - by someone. The trick is to stop finding OURSELVES lacking. We need to accept that we are human and we are flawed, but if we love our kids and let them know it, that's what it's all about.
I am the mom that I am. Somedays, I'm Super Mom, perfectly pressed cape in place, homemade cookies for the class party, kids with hair bows that match their socks. Other days, I'm Slacker Mom, serving cold cereal for dinner, with dirty floors, unmade beds and frizzy hair. So what? I can't be everything to everyone everyday - and I'm OK with that. I do the best that I can on any given day, I don't compare myself to anyone else, or to some idealized version of what "Mother" should look like. I am comfortable - confident, in fact - with myself, my parenting style, my parenting skills.
I am far from the perfect mom, but I am the perfect mom for MY kids.
I fake it every day. I fake enjoying being a mom. I have 4 boys, all I ever wanted was one girl. I fake being interested in all the crap the boys like - dinosaurs, trains, cars, sports, trucks, dirt, pokemon etc. etc. even though I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a fork than listen to them drone on and on about it. I don't want the kids to know how miserable I am, so every day I plaster on a smile and organize activities, excursions and playdates. Then I cry myself to sleep and do it again the next morning.
It's baffling to me that my friends with girls actually get to enjoy themselves for real. They watch princess movies, do cute crafts (and yes, you can do crafts with boys but there is nothing cute about it!), play with dolls, visit American Girl and go shopping for adorable outfits.
I don't think we fake it as a mom..we do feel like we fake it because we're exhausted of doing the whole thing over and over everyday but to me it's not faking but exerting our efforts even if when there's no more and not because we fake it...
wow, ihmb1 that is so horribly depressing. I feel so sad for you, and you know I would feel exactly the same way if I were you...
ihmb1's post really brought tears to my eyes. That is so sad. I'm glad that your kids don't know. I hope that you can find something eventually in each of your kids that you can bond over.
And to answer the post. I recently found myself under all this self created stress to be perfect with perfect schedules, diets and home. And I can't do it. So, I've given up. I'm going to be the crazy mom who says it exactly how it is.
ihmb1, you may change your minds when your friends with daughters are all talking about parenting the hormonal nightmare that is the teenage girl. They can't go to school b/c they can't find their lipstick, the boy they like talked to their sworn enemy, someone didn't invite them to a party, someone DID invite them to a party, someone else has a better phone/boyfriend/house/mom than they do, they don't have boobs, they DO have boobs, they didn't get their period yet, they DID get their period already. It's exhausting.
I'd go for a little mindless banging the trucks against the wall and kicking the soccer ball through a window right about now.
I'm just sayin'.
Besides, you can always BORROW a friend's daughter, take her for tea and a pedicure, and then send her home before the drama starts.
I don' t know if I "fake it" when it comes to being a mom or not...I never really thought of it like that,
I just try to spend time with my daughter and make sure she has fun and that she's healthy, I think
do better some days than I do on others...it's all just part of being mom, sometimes I am on top of
those dishes and dust bunnies and others not so much, I try not to beat myself up over it.
Ihmb1 I hope you feel better about your relationship with your boys, no one should feel like that,
you know sometimes boys like doing "girly stuff" too, v-day is coming up you could try making cards
with them, I bet they would love it, I know my brother did that kind of stuff sometimes when he was
little, it might help you to feel better about the no girls situation, or maybe somewhere down the road
when your boys are older you could consider adopting a little girl, food for thought is all. I hope you
feel better soon.
I do agree that all mothers, at some point, fake being one way or another. There is no instruction manual on how to raise our children or how to be the most appropriate mother. We all find what works for our own families, which takes experience to find.
My heart goes out to any mother that allows themselves to be so unhappy that they cry themselves to sleep at night on a daily basis. You had four children for a reason, find the delight in your children for yours and there happiness. Choose to be happy and you will!