I have posted before that my 19 month old son refuses to sleep. He is still in the bed with my husband and I, he goes to bed whenever he is ready to and not a second before, and he has to have a sippy that he can sip on during the night. I am literally at my wit's end. None of us get a good night's sleep and it is causing a strain on my marriage because my husband is ready for him to move into his own room and I'm not quite there yet. I have tried everything that I can think of...except the CIO method. It just terrifies me that I am going to have to put him down and walk away with him crying, but nothing else has worked. Does anyone have any advice on how to make things easier. Should I start with having him sleep in his bed during nap, then once he gets used to that work on sleeping in his bed at night? Should I move his bed into my room so that he knows we are still there? I'm totally at a loss, so any advice is appreciated.
First off, you do not sound like YOU are ready for the CIO method. it takes ALOT of determination to be able to do it. Its not fun I can say that.
Have you considered doing the "no-cry Sleep solution" its very similar to CIO without the actual crying.
Personally CIO was for us. We did it cold turkey, but also in stages.
First I would put DS down and let him go for 10 minutes, then I would go in and check on him, lay him back down in his crib, cover him up, pat his belly, tell him I love him and that I am still here and walk back out. then I would wait 15, do the same thing, and then 20, then 25, then 30. I only got to 30 minutes once.
it took about 4 nights for DS to get it. then we had NO problems putting him to sleep.
He used to still wake up for a bottle in the middle of the night and our Pedi recommended we stop doing that, did that cold turkey as well, the same way we did CIO. within two days he stopped waking up for a bottle, not problems.
You really do get used to it after a day or so. I suggest leaving the monitor on a low level that isnt SO loud you get anxious but enough that you can hear him. In my house you can hear everything for the most part, so we would turn ours off completely until he stopped crying then switch it on to mointor him more closely.
It worked very well for us.
CIO is not for everyone, so if you dont not fell comfortable with it, dont do it. Maybe talk to your Pedi to get other solutions. or do some research online.
I would highly suggest you be sure you are ready to get him moved because you won't be doing DS any favors if you move him and then back down. It is difficult - to put it mildly - to help them learn to sleep alone, and to self soothe. Depending on his temperament, it could take days to get him comfortable enough to sleep well.
I prefer to do things once, especially when it includes getting my DD to adapt to it as well. That being said, I would personally get him straight into his bed in his own room. Otherwise, you're going to go through getting him sleeping in his own bed in your room and then have to go through it all again when trying to get him into his own room.
He is old enough to know you're still there, even if you aren't physically in his room with him. And he is certainly old enough to be sleeping in his own room, in his own bed.
We moved our DD into her crib in her room at 4wks old, and started teaching her to self soothe and fall asleep on her own at 5 or 6mo. Everyone needs a good night's sleep, especially young toddlers!!
For our DD, we did a variation of CIO that worked for her personality. We have a very strict bedtime, with a routine leading up to it which signals her that its almost night night. We go through the routine the same every night; dinner, play time, bath time, little more playtime, brush teeth, say night night to Daddy/Mommy (kisses and waves), say night night to all her toys (waves night night), then up to her room for a bedtime story in her rocking chair, then a few minutes of snuggle time with Mommy or Daddy before into her crib. She's 22mo so she is almost always awake when we lay her down. When we were first teaching her, she would cry (aka screaming, wailing, etc) but we left regardless. We would wait 5 minutes and if she was still crying we would go in and reassure her with 5minutes in the rocking chair. Then, back into the crib. If she started screaming again, we waited 10 minutes before going back in. Then 15 minutes. She was a self soother in about 3 nights. We've had to go back through the method any time she gets sick and has to be up all night - it seems to break her habit of sleeping alone. And there have been nights I spent as much time crying outside her room as she did in her room, but I knew never to break down. It was best for all of us and haven't regretted getting her through it!
We only give our DD water in a sippy cup, and she is allowed to keep it in the crib with her although she rarely drinks from it. We stopped giving her anything other than water at 9mo old.
I had read that you shouldn't pick them up out of their bed when you have to go back in the room, just lay them back down and walk about. No eye contact, no talking, etc. That didn't work for our DD although we did try it. We don't talk with her when we have to go into her room, and we only change her diaper if we can tell it absolutely needs it. And she still has her phases, especially if she has a nightmare. But, we always give her 5minutes before we go in there, no matter how hard she might be crying. 90% of the time she puts herself back to sleep without our help.
Best advice - stick to your guns. Little ones adapt very well if we let them! We are the ones that tend to break down. You can get him through it, even though it probably won't be easy! We also turn off the monitor if she's crying and we are waiting to go in; her crying obviously tears at our hearts. You know what's best for your DS, even when he doesn't know it! You can do it.
I have read the No-Cry sleep solution and I started implementing some of the techniques outlined in the book. I started on Monday making a regular wake-up time and a regular nap time and started a bedtime routine. Well today is Friday and my DS is already asleep! 9:30 may not seem early to some, but considering I used to not be able to get him to sleep until midnight or later, 9:30 is amazing! And we did it all without letting him cry it out. Hopefully tonight is just the first of many.