mommy of two fighting boys

[mommyof2boyz]

hi all my name is april and im 25 i have two boys austin who is 6 and aiden who is 3 and i love them with all my heart but not loving all the fighting i was hopeing that some one can relate and help you name it they do it they bite they scratch and i mean they scratch untell they bring the blood its bad i have tried makeing them play alone when they fight but as soon as there together again it all starts over im about to loose my mind please help!

[lou]

We use a JOb Jar for my stepsons, 7 and 9. basically you take slips of paper and write jobs they can do, i.e. picking up sticks, doing dishes, sweeping, and we also use mom's/dad's/ choice on some of the slips. then when they fight they pick a slip of paper and have to do that job TOGETHER, satisfactorily and without fighting, argueing, name calling, biting, hitting,kicking, or attitude in general otherwise they have to pick another job to do until they learn to work together.
we use to just send them both to their beds for timeout as in our eyes they're both at fault, someone hits or something but the other provokes it. but that did little more than make them bored, let them stew in their anger, and more prone to fighting. If they fight over an object, video games or toys, we take them away.
Another idea my sister uses is makeing them hug it out. when they fight she'll make them apologize to eachother and stand there and hug eachother for a few minutes. at first they're really mad about it but after a couple minutes they realize how silly it is and start laughing about it. This didn't work for my SS's though. they just start squeezing eachother and rough housing and inevitably someone gets hurt. Boys are just different. since your youngest is so young though maybe that will work for you. Good Luck.

[Ben Smalley]

Yeah those are some good ideas, but do not be too hard on yourself. Siblings are bound to fight no matter what. You can try everything and they still somehow get into fights. Good luck.

[MommyX3]

Boys are boys no matter their age and that's just what brothers do.My two boys are constanly fighting I sometimes feel like a ref at a wrestling match it gets so bad.They are 9 and 4 and have fought since my 4 year could walk and talk.I have gotten to were I usually just let them fight it out and they will stop sooner or later lol as long as they aren't hurting each other.

[MommaC]

My brother and I fought to near-death all the time. I have no idea what would have made us stop, BUT I read "Don't Make Me Count to Three" (by Ginger Plowman) that put a whole new spin on teaching children to be considerate of others. Maybe you want to check it out? Even if you don't, it's a good idea to REPLACE behavior rather than just trying to STOP it. Definitely stop their fighting, but then have them think of ways they should have handled the situation. Help them if they need it, then have them PRACTICE that better behavior right away before they move on to something else. If you're patient, calm, consistent, and persistent, I'm sure you'll see a positive difference. Good luck to you!

[lou]

MommaC mentioned what I had forgotten to mention in accordance to the JOB JAR: "Definitely stop their fighting, but then have them think of ways they should have handled the situation. Help them if they need it, then have them PRACTICE that better behavior right away before they move on to something else."
Now with my stepsons we need only threaten to take the jar down when they start to argue and they're like "no we'll work it out you don't need to do that" etc. And most of the time they will work out a compromise on their own, sometimes we'll help them with some ideas. However, for hitting or any other physical offense or name calling it's straight to the JAR.

[mommyof2boyz]

thank you so much for all your answers il try them

[Daddy Cares]

My wife and I have two boys, a 3 and 5 year old. My boys do fight alot, I believe they do this to get the others attention. When my older boy is playing with a puzzle, my younger son is watching him and acting up infront of him. He wants his big brothers attention. When big brother is not paying attention to to him that is when he wants to jump on him and start fighting.

What I think works in my household is have the boys include each other in their activaties. If the activity is to much for the younger one then me or my wife do an activity with the younger one.

I have told both of my boys to stand their ground, that they aren't punching bags. But we have told them also that if one does hit them to tell mommy or daddy and we will take care of the problem.

This took me a long time to understand why my boys fight alot, since I am the only child. My wife picked up on it quick because she had two younger brothers.