telling a friend their kid is a brat...

[n8ivmom]

The other day, i took my friend's 2nd grade daughter for the whole day. She's the only child of a single, professional mom. I have a same age daughter and another child, so we get together often. I've noticed on other occasions that my friend seems to indulge her daughter alot (more than I would anyway), so pouting, crying, whining, complaining, backtalking and interrupting is not that unusual for this child. That day, I dealt with it as best as I could. My kids knew I was being much more lenient with her than I would with them, with some behaviors.
Then, at the end of the day, the girl threw a huge tantrum- screaming at me, crying, jumping up & down, laying on the floor, Exorcist style shaking- for 45 minutes. I talked with her briefly at the beginning about her alternatives, but she refused to calm down & talk like a normal kid, so I ignored her for the most part. She was still crying & yelling in the car as I drove her home, but was calm & happy by the time we got to her mom's place. I did not get a chance to talk to my friend much about this, other than, "She got very upset with me today..."
I'm trying to decide if I should discuss this more with my friend more or let it go. In my house, this behavior would be absolutely unacceptable and after only a few minutes, would be the occasion for a rare but warranted spanking- so to me, this is a problem. I'm going to guess these tantrums are the norm, so maybe they're not a problem to her? 2nd/3rd grade seems a little too old to be throwing fits like this and probably makes it hard to keep friends (for mom, too). I do not plan to babysit this kid again anytime soon.
Any ideas?

[lou]

First I would tell the mother the situation with her kid and tell her what you did, ignore it, and ask what she does in a situation like that. See if she allows that behavior from her kid or if it just happens with other people. Then based on her response, if she lets it go unchecked and considers it normal, I would just let the mother know that you won't be babysitting for awhile and exactly why you won't, in as nice a way possible, and that if you do it's "YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES" and be very clear when explaining what your rules are and the consequences for breaking them to the mother and child together. I wouldn't go so far as to spank another persons child but I would put her in a room alone and let her know it's not proper social etiquette and until she can control herself she has to stay there. I would explain to the mother that it's not normal behavior from a child of that age and while you still want to be her friend that watching her child is just too exhausting because of her behavior.