I am a unwed mother of twin daughters, they will be 2 August 29th and I never went after the father for child support but now I'm going to be moving out of my parents house in 6 months and I don't think I will be able to make it without the help. I called him and told him that I am thinking about getting child support from him and if he paid I would let him see the girls with no problem but he got really angry and started yelling at me and told me that if I do go after him then he will take me to court and take them away from me and never let me see them again. I can't loose my girls but I do need the help! What do I do?? He hasn't been there since I got pregnant and he hasn't even seen them! I know he honestly shouldn't have a right to anything and he wouldn't be able to actually take them away from me but I don't want them to have to go threw that. Can anybody help me with this??
I would most definately go after him for support. it is near impossible for a father to get custody unless the mother is a complete drug addict, proven to be neglectful or abusive. I doubt that any court would hand your children over to him especially considering he hasn't ever been with them. your children are still young enough they won't know what's going on. you can still sheild them from it. just don't talk about it in front of them and get a sitter when you have to go to court.
just know that if you do this you do leave yourself open to having to hand them over to him every other weekend. he helped make these children and it's his responsibility to help support them finacially if nothing else. him being able to see them is a privilage, not a right. so I wouldn't even use that as incentive for him to pay support. go to court and file. you can make an arguement against him having visitation rights if it's in the best interest of your kids.
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
Don't sweat it. I'm in Pennsylvania and I would certainly hope that other states have similar programs. You can go to the Domestic Relations of your local court. They will assign you a case worker. You don't even have to pay for a lawyer. Your case worker will set a date for which you both have to show up. Bring along what you pay for rent, utilities, child care, and health insurance (even if these things are thru a state welfare program). There is an arbitrator who will calculate based upon your expenses & income and HIS expenses & income thru a formula they have what is a fair amount for child support. He pays it to them and they either put it on a "prepaid" type MasterCard or you can have it direct deposit to an account.
Visitation and custody are separate from the child support and the court workers keep it that way. Tell him to feel free to apply for visitation and that his children look forward to spending weekends with him and it will help you to get a better social life. If he hasn't been doing that all along then chances are, he doesn't want to do it now. The good fathers fight to see their kids as often as possible from DAY ONE. When you appear before the judge, you can let the judge know what type of relationship he has had with his children. A judge will not take them away from you unless he can prove you put them in danger or are neglectful.
Thank you guys that has helped, I went to the dhs office that is here in town and they are the ones that are putting it threw the courts. They don't do anything with visitation so that part he is goin to have to do. I don't mind him seeing them but he does need to do his part also.
I agree with all the previous post but wanted to add good luck to you and your twin daughters getting out on your own Congratulations
Cathy mom to *6* My site I do in my spare time www.cammdesigns.net
You have to make him pay. He is their father and regardless he should pay support. He is trying to bully you. As long as you do your best and don't use illegal substances or anything like that he won't be able to take them away from you. He is acting irresponsibly and being an a-hole too.
I have had a similar situation when I got divorced. My ex didn't want to pay child support, so he was going to try to get 50/50 time so he wouldn't owe me anything.
The thing to be aware of is that many courts try to split the parenting time. Although you're a good mother, if he is the legal father, there is a chance he can be awarded parenting time which will affect the child support amount.
I ended up giving in to my bully and gave up child support. I hope you can find a referral in your community so that you can get good legal advice and possibly representation. The court may provide a mediator at no charge to you if he does try to get some parenting time.
Communicate for the sake of the kids www.parentsvillage.net