reward system as discipline?

[jbryant]

My 2 (almost three) year old daughter has really been acting out lately. Discipline does not work, especially with me. I have been thinking of using a reward system for her to see if this helps. What I want to do is give her a star on a board everytime she does something good. My question is should I take stars away when she throws fits or doesnt listen? Or should I just not add stars to it? I would really hate to take the stars away when she worked really hard to earn them. What do you think would work better? Also how many stars should she earn or for what period of time before she gets to get something?

[MommaC]

I tend to lean away from reward charts because it's bribery...and bribery is a really tough cycle to get out of later. I do like reward charts for helping establish good habits (but then I fade them asap). If you do decide to go with the chart, I would probably go with adding AND removing stars. It will be more meaningful "discipline" if she has to go back and earn that star...otherwise, she's still going to receive the star even though she's been naughty all day. Before you start, you may want to keep a secret tally for a couple days of pluses and minuses to help you determine what a reasonable goal for her is. If you decide to continue considering your other options, I've found these books to be especially helpful:

How to Get the Best from Your Children, Jo Frost (Supernanny)
Don't Make Me Count to Three, Ginger Plowman
The Strong-Willed Child, James Dobson

Good luck to you!

[cjhott]

My mother is a pre-school teacher and she works with the stars for good behavior system. This is how she does it: the child has a chart with numbers 1-10 on it. Everyday, the child has a potential to earn one star. You have to be good from start to finish (she does give warnings such as: if you continue to do that, you will not get your sticker for today) in order to earn a sticker. Once all ten numbers are covered, they get to go to the treasure box. Then the whole process starts over. So in answer to your question, each day is it's own, you either earn a star or you don't. She doesn't take away stickers from past days.