What if husband isn't ready for another?

[cjhott]

I have a beautiful little boy who is 18 months old. I am ready to start trying to get pregnant again. Our first pregnancy was not planned and it was a very stressful situation. (Trying to tell our parents, finishing college, him leaving on a military deployment...) I can't wait to be pregnant and be excited to tell everyone and not have to have all of the stresses we had last time. Financially we are ready to have another one and since I am a SAHM, child care is not an issue. But...my husband is just not ready to have another baby. We are both young, so his thoughts are that we have plenty of time. He comes from a very different family dynamic than I do. I have two sisters and there is only one year between each of us. In my mind, we have waited long enough. If I got pregnant right away, our kids would be two and a half years apart! Should I try to push the issue or try to give him more time? I just understand why since we can't agree, we must do as he wants.

[MommaC]

That's so hard. I want our kids to be pretty close together, too, just because of the bonding and relationship I experienced with my own brother. But if my husband isn't ready when I am, I will definitely wait. With all a baby entails, we need our husbands to be on board. As efficient as we may be, we're going to need their help. For the sake of your marriage, I'd recommend waiting until he's ready...and definitely don't "accidentally" get pregnant--even the dullest male will know he was tricked, and it just doesn't bode well. Good luck to you--hope he comes around soon!

[fuzzy]

I've been in the same boat,I actually got him convinced to try!We did for a month with thankfully no successAfter we started trying,I could see how much he didn't want another one;we argued/bickered alot for stupid things but I knew it was cause of the baby thing!My son is only 14 months and we tried in May,with that said I my-self started to have anxiety about being pregnant (you know maybe he's right is what I thought to my-self)and I was stressed Even Logan was feeling the tension and anxiety during this time!He was much more fussy and clingy than he usually is,and he even started waking up in the middle of the night!So,overall it wasn't good for any of us and I couldn't imagine spending 40 weeks with those feelings in my house.I know it's hard to brush aside those "motherhood pains" I still struggle with them from time to time;especially when I see a pregnant women and a friend of mine got pregnant the same time we tried(she's starting to show).I just try to remember that the door hasn't been shut on the subject just put on hold for the best interest of "my family"which is what us mothers do bestI have been enjoying my summer with Logan,last summer he was just new so,It's his first with everthing beach,zoo,sand and everything summer!Enjoying the family I have and wait until my fiancee and I are both without a doubt ready to add to our familyWe are also young,I'm going to be 26 on the 15th of August and he's 26;so we have plenty of time to play with..Good luck! I hope this helps
Melissa

[cjhott]

Thank you for replying. It's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this. I knew deep down that if we both weren't ready that we should wait, but I wanted to hear from someone other than my husband. Thanks again!

[tskeehn010]

I really can relate, my husband and I grew up very differently. He comes from a large adopted family with 13 other brothers and sisters (14 total). And I am the youngest of three girls. When we found out that we were pregnant we were really surprised because we were married for a few months. Our son is now 26 months and I have been ready to have another for some time now. My husband had not been so into it and had expressed that he only wanted one, knowing this I kept wanting another one to my self.
Finally we sat down and had a talk about it and came down with a compromise. One of our problems is that my husband joined the navy and we are in the process of selling our house. We plan to try later this year. The best thing would be giving time and really do not push anything, because you don't want resentment down the line.

[APEMBERTON]

I Agree Not To Push. If He Is Not Ready Everyone Will Be Miserable. My Fiancee & I Both Want A Baby So Bad, But I Just Got New Insurance That Doesn't Cover Maternity Stuff Until Next August!!! Ugh!!!! So We Are Debating On Taking On The Extra Fianancial Burden Of Different Maternity Insurance Or Wait Another Year!! Maybe He Will Come Around Though!! Try To Focus On Your Little One For Now!!! Good Luck!!!

[cdato20]

It seems that it always takes men a little longer to warm up to the idea of a second baby. My husband was the same. Our first was something of an "OOPS", but I still wanted to try for another one as soon as the first one was weaned. My husband, who is 10 years older than I, wanted to wait and wanted me to go to college before we tried again. I explained to him patiently, slowly, and repeatedly that I am a mother, and that is all I will be until my children start school, so now would probably be the best time to get this baby-making project finished. This was an ongoing discussion for several months, until he finally realized that being a SAHM is what I WANT to do. Then, one day when our son was 13m old, DH came home from work and said that he knew that I did the vast majority of the "baby work", and if I wanted another one, who was he to tell me no. I guess the point is that most of them (husbands) eventually come around to our way of seeing things, but sometimes it takes a while, and you can't do anything to expedite the process.

[miami_mom]

I have a similar thread in the mom to mom section, cjhott I feel your pain. Its so hard to wait when you want another baby so desperately and it seems like so many other moms are already onto baby #2.