So sad and alone

[Brennarn]

Hey ladies.........I'm looking for some support here and hoping you all can help me. My DS is 9 1/2 months old and for the past 6 1/2 months I was diagnosed with PPD and prescribed Zoloft. Well, I'm a nurse and have been weaning myself off the medication. i'm beginning to think it's not a good idea, but don't know if that's it or just the fact I feel so alone that is bothering me worse.
I do have a husband who is a cop and works 12 hour shifts 4 days on, 4 days off. i'm a nurse that works 10 hour days 4 days a week. Our DS is still not sleeping through the night. Husband hasn't gotten up with baby in at least 2 months and then wonders why I'm so exhausted. I've tried several times to wake him for the baby, but nothing. I'm so sad still. I've cried all day today and just feel that if it wasn't for my son, I couldn't keep this up. I feel like a piss poor parent. He's still not wanting a lot of baby food. He doesn't sleep through the night. I feel like I rely on my parents too much. I just feel horrible. I'm crying now trying to write this. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope! Husband doesn't understand anything and thinks it's all in my head. He thinks I just harp on what he doesn't do (which is a LOT) and don't like to have sex anymore. He'll be home all day with the baby at daycare, have done no chores, then I get home from working which I wake at 4 am and get our son off to daycare, and stares at me and ask do I want to have sex. If it were up to me, I would never ever have sex again. I just feel so down and in a downward spiral. I have friends, but don't want to harp on all the bad things with them. I just sit in my office and keep it all closed up. Should I start my medicine again? I didn't want to be a mom who has to stay on medicine, but I don't know what to do anymore.
Thanks ladies.

[wildlife2006]

Hey I feel for you I had PPD with my 2 second child, my husband decided to leave me at home so he could be a complete total butt and run with his buddies. I was left raising a newborn and 2 year old and it was really hard. I felt like I could not talk to anyone, but I did get on meds to help but take them as long as you can. Maybe ask your work to cut your hours a little do not think you are a bad parent, you are doing a great job, keep your chin up. Leave the house work if he does not like tell him to do it himself. Men think that is our responsible to do the work take care of the kids etc. but I was a complete bi!!! and told my husband to either be a dad or do not let the door hit you in the ass!!! Not the right answer for everyone but come on they help make these babies why can not they help take care of them. Take it from someone who has been in you shoes the house will clean some other day, cherish that baby while he or she is young and forget about all the housekeeping things, if your friends and family love you they will understand. I am sorry that you are so upset but honey it still sounds like you have PPD I know you are a nurse but please get help and take care of yourself and that baby. My husband now regrets the way he treated me and I do not let him forget the crap he pulled, it only took 2 kids later and baby 3 on the way. Oh and sex I do not care to have it either but I usually just tell I am tired, and well I better not tell you but lets say he can take care of him self. Just be carefull and take care of yourself. Let me know if you need to talk anymore I am here for you.

[cheereeo]

Brenna, I can totally empathize with you. I have two DSs--almost 8 and almost 2. My DH is also a cop--he works 3-11 PM, five days on, three off; five days on, two off rotating. I work a normal 9-5 office job. I feel so alone a lot of the time, almost like a single mom, and I get very very resentful. I wish there was a support group for those of us married to cops. But you, too, are a nurse who does shift work. I think shift work is just brutal on a marriage and cannot imagine how hard it must be for both of you to be working shifts. Have you considered going to marriage therapy? My husband and I went for awhile and I am considering going again. I called a bunch of therapist offices and left messages asking them if they had experience working with police officers to find the one who would work best for us. I remember my husband being worried about confidentiality or his department finding out, but we got through it. Police officers are unique individuals. They carry a lot inside and often don't know how to appropriately show emotion I think and then can be so bitter a lot of the time because they deal with so many jerks out there in the world. I was on anti-depressants after I had my first son and then went off them while I was TTC. Shortly after my second son was born, I had to go back on them because I was feeling so stressed out and inadequate. They help me so much; however, there are sexual side effects that do not help at all. I even started seeing a psychiatrist to monitor the drugs and to see if he could help me make a better choice that maybe does not effect my libido. I feel just like you--I could care less about sex. When we do have it, it is wonderful, but most of the time I am just so exhausted, I could care less and horribly just sometimes lay there wishing it would hurry up and be over. I was never ever like this. I used to be a complete horn dog and before children ("BC" I call it), we used to be like rabbits, fooling around every chance we got. My kids are in school and daycare like yours and my husband gets his "alone-time" every single day practically, while I feel like I NEVER get any alone time. My alone time is at night when I can go to sleep. My husband is constantly POd at me for not wanting to fool around. I feel badly about it and wish I had more of a libido, but I just don't. I've talked about going off the meds, so my libido can come back, but he (and I) know that is a bad option as the meds keep me from flying off the handle over ever little thing. I truly feel for you and wish I had a firm answer or suggestion for you, but I don't. All I can do is empathize with you. It is so hard taking care of babies. They hang all over you every second and the last thing you want at the end of a crazy day is your DH hanging all over you as well. It is so bad, that when we do fool around, I lay there thinking about all the chores I have waiting for me. It never used to be like this. I think key for you would be to work on trying to get that baby to sleep through the night--sleep deprivation is just the worst thing and can really really physically kill a person. Consider the therapy if you can swing it, even during lunch hour or something. It may be a good start to get your DH to start pulling his weight a little more and help around the house with the baby. <<HUGS>>