If you ever found yourself widowed or divorced, would you try to find another spouse/significant other?
I most definitely would NOT. I would not want to risk making a bad choice that would be detrimental to my son. I've seen it happen with other women and I will not put my son through that. Plus, we were on the brink of divorce a year ago & I frankly would not want to risk putting myself through that mess again - including getting stuck with a lunatic MIL like the one I have now and who is squarely in the middle of our relationship problems! ALL of my female family members and friends say they would not remarry.
I really don't believe in bringing men into children's lives. I think that's really flaky. And I just can't foresee how a man comes into my life in some significant way who won't then become a part of my children's lives. And they don't need another man to become a part of their lives; they have a father. So that pretty much takes dating off the table.
Marriage is a once in a life time event, in my opinion. I found the love of my life, why would I settle for someone that could never even compare to my DH?
Mother to two beautiful boys!
Benjamin Alexander & Mason Joshua
I have found myself divorced, and YES, I did remarry. Best thing I ever did for my children! Just more people to love them. Not everyone is as fortunate to find someone after a divorce, but I am glad I kept an open mind and allowed someone into our lives.
I would if I found the right guy, but I don't actively "date". I was asked recently by someone why I'm not dating (it's been 5 years since everything was finalized). And I've had dates but I don't have the energy to focus on "dating" as I did when I was younger, that energy goes into my child.
I've had friends who remarried and most are happy they did. I'd probably follow those friends rules; no overnight "visitors", no meeting the kids until you're talking marriage, and marriage is the only result, no long-term boyfriends.
Which narrows the pool considerably but my friends have found it narrows it to the right sort of men.
Yes. Would I put dating before my kids, absolutely not.
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Possibly. I wouldn't rule it out a few years after a divorce or death, but I would always put my kids feelings first and would never bring any man around them that I wasn't very serious about. I would first focus on getting myself and my kids past the emotional issues after a divorce/death. If at some point I found a man who was wonderful to me and my children, I would consider it.
Having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body - Elizabeth Stone
I am 42, and that may explain my response, but I wouldn't even consider remarrying if my husband died or we divorced. I love my husband like crazy, but marriage is a compromise and I can't see doing it with someone else. I have young daughters, and the thought of any man other than their dad being actively involved in their upbringing is really distasteful to me. Parenting WITH my husband can be stressful at times, and I can't imagine being OK with anyone else making decisions about my kids.
I have friends who have remarried or who are in committed relationships after a death or divorce, and it works for them. That's great! I wish them every happiness! I just know that, for me, this is it.
But I DO tell my husband to find a nice young teacher up at our local elementary school and remarry if I die...my girls need a mommy and he can't do hair!
If my husband died, not sure. Probably not.
If he was the cause for divorce (ex. cheating) then I probably would do my best to move on.
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Its hard to answer this because you can never say I never will, because one day you might. As of now though, I'm not married, but if I did get married to my boyfriend and something happened that I was single I don't see myself searching for someone. My boyfriend has changed my life and made me feel important and wanted. If I ever lost him I would be lost myself. I'd be a wreck.
And I've also seen a family destroyed by remarriage. My bestfriend's dad died when were 14 and then not even a year later her mom remarried. They didn't find out until the week before the wedding that there was another man. And they weren't given a chance to actually get to know the guy, but that didn't matter. They were still in mourning of their dad. And now my bestfriend's little brother is real bad on drugs because of his mom remarrying so soon.
I could never do that to my son. I'd sacrifice my happiness for his happiness.
Happily Taken August 15, 2008
Proud Mother of Joseph Thadius April 19, 2010