I'm at the end of my rope with my (almost) 7-year old son. His birthday is in 5 days and my husband says we should "cancel" his birthday and party. His (our sons) latest transgression is peeing in my water cup in my bathroom. He poured it out but I drank out of it a few minutes later. I'm so disgusted.
He has also been sent to the principles office three times this year and has had multiple detentions. He's never been in a conflict or hurt anyone, but it is his impulsive behavior and lack of self control that is just driving me nuts. He has drawn all over the carpet in his classroom at school with a marker. He has an awful habit of cutting his clothing with scissors. He has sneaked treats from other children in his. He constantly burps aloud in public. He goofs off in the bathroom at school - climbing the stalls. He is a good student and very, very active. He does still wet the bed.
His teacher and I have developed a plan for his classroom. He gets a smiley face stamp for "best effort" behavior at school, and I do a similar chart at home. Lately, his impulses have gotten worse and worse. Maybe it's the end of the school year approaching? His birthday? I also have a 10 year old son and a 4 year old girl. Neither have issues like this.
I honestly do not know what to do. I have reasearched "impulsive behavior" and "self regulation" on the internet, but just come up with case studies and validation that there are many other children like this...mostly boys. All do grow out of it, but I fear for his future.
Jeez, I can't stop replying to posts! I found this forum today...I have been working with a parent coach for the past few months on some of the same issues you are dealing with. My daughter was (she is getting better!) very impulsive and I couldn't handle her anymore. I decided to seek out some help and did a little research. I found this woman named, Susan Epstein, her business name is Parenting Powers...anyway she has been giving me some great coaching on what to do with my daughter. I am so happy with the change that has come about and the things that are happening that I feel like I have to tell the world! No, seriously, Susan has really helped me. I don't know if you are interested in talking to a coach but I would really recommend it. Even just to ask a few questions, get some advice, whatever. Her website is parentingpowers.com. If you have time, contact her. It was really the best thing I could do for my family and I. I am very grateful for Susan and I know she has worked with a lot of families with young children and teenagers with the same issues.
Hope that helps you! We just have to remember this time will pass ; )
You sound frustrated. I am a family counselor and have four children. These types of things are not easy. The first thing I would do is take the Conner's. the Conner's is the best psychological evaluation of ADHD. I am not saying your child has ADHD, but it would be important to rule out. Children with ADHD are often very impulsive. The Conner's is questionnaire that the parents and teachers fill out. It does not take long.
The second thing, which I am sure you do is to implement consistent discipline. I would suggest three family rules: 1. Respect yourself and others 2. solve or talk out problems do not act them out 3. listen the first time. Most negative behavior will fall under one of these rules. When a child breaks one of the rules calmly put the child in time out. Time out should not be in the child's bedroom, or on the stairs, or in a chair. I suggest using the bathroom or laundry room. These places are neutral territory and the child will get attention for negative behavior. Stick in there. You are a good parent.
Sheldon Martin, MSC
Your son needs help and so do you. Get a referral for a therapist (psychiatrist or psychologist) from your pediatrician. Make an appointment and they will provide you with the Conner's Rating Scale (mentioned in a prior post) and any other appropriate behavioral evaluations. Once they review the information you and your son's teacher provide, they are then in a better position to advise an appropriate therapy. There is help available; don't be afraid to ask for it. Good Luck.
If you haven't done so already, I would encourage that you have your son evaluated by a child psychiatrist for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder. You have mentioned several times within your post that your son is impulsive. This is the main criteria for ADHD. If he has ADHD, there is adequate treatment available. You might want to consult with your child's pediatrician for a psychiatric evaluation. Your child's pediatrician more than likely will be able recommend someone whom he or she works with or knows of.
It is great that you are working with your child's school teacher in terms of a behavioral plan. It is even more important that you utilize a behavioral plan at home. Typically, misbehavior begins within the home environment and spreads to the school. Usually, school misbehavior will not dissipate unless the home behavior is addressed. It is extremely important that you have a list of household rules and consequences followed by a token economy system for your child to earn rewards for good behavior. Likewise, it is important that these rules and consequences are visible in a public area of your home so that your child is constantly reminded of their existence.
Whether your child has ADHD or not, it is a very important that you are consistent with the rules and consequences of your home.
If you feel that your child is exhibiting behavioral problems as a result of emotional issues or if you feel that his behavior is detrimental to himself or to others, I would strongly recommend that your child be evaluated by a mental health professional. Often times, the school would be able provide free services as the typically employee social workers, counselors, and psychologists. If you would like to find a therapist who is not employed at your child's school, again consult with your child's pediatrician for a referral to a mental health Therapist.
Good luck and I sincerely hope that your child's behavior improves!
Mark Lakewood, CEO
Building Strong Families National Seminars
My son is like that too, to an extent. I love him dearly but everyday is a challenge. He is constantly in trouble at school and he has had counselling and we have done the Conner's assessment. No one knows your child as well as you do. All kids are different. We can not expect them all to be calm and well mannered. You are doing a great job by reaching out. I would suggest being more strict with him, delegating tasks and spending some extra time talking with him about this. You are not alone and there are many boys that are like him. Good luck and I hope you never forget that you are his cheerleader and the only one who will always be there by his side for life.
My 7 year old also is very impulsive. He is a very smart and very observant but seems to be lost in his own head, daydreaming. This usually happens when he loses interest (like most people) but ends with impulsive behavior. He play boxes with other kids and someone usually ends up hurt when he is not an aggressive mean child at all. He cuts his clothes, once he cut all the erasers off his pencils so he "could sharpen both ends", jammed a pen into the teachers automatic pencil sharpener, is constantly wigglying in his seat, ect. Last year we had him tested multiple times (all different doctors) and every single one said he has no form of ADD or ADHD. His teacher and I have both made rewards and consequence charts, family rules/consequences, and so far he's still haveing problems in school. A family member of mine suggested to find him a medication to help him focus, like a Monday through Friday set up. I am completely against medicating children for these type of situations because in the long run I do believe them to be damaging and kids become dependent on them. We are also in family therapy doing trauma work with him because his father killed his 3 year old half brother in May 2011. It's been one crazy event after another and I do believe he's doing better, I am just tired of everyone insinuating he needs to be medicated..
Does anyone ever insinuate that your boy may be better on medications?
Last edited by YoungMom_05; 09-17-2012 at 03:26 PM.