weekend time with toddler

[pleaseadvise1]

I have a situation with my in-laws for which I need advice. We have a 20 month old son and my in-laws come into town about one weekend a month. They have rented out their own apartment complete with crib. When they come into town they expect to take our son to their apartment for most of the weekend, including overnight, so they can be with him alone. This is despite our invitations to have them stay over in our guest room so we can all be together.

Because of our rigorous work schedules, we as his parents, don't get to spend much time with him during the week. What is best for our son?

[kaiya23]

Time with you is best for your son. If they want to come visit, but don't want to sleep there, they can come to your house for the day and spend all their time with him there. He is not their child, he is yours. You (and hubby) get the decision. There's no reason for them to need to be alone with him.

Tell them that you appreciate their willingness to participate so much in your son's life, but that weekends are family time and that he needs to be there with his parents.

We have the same type of schedule during the school year when I teach, weekends are precious. Losing one of them to selfish grandparents would make me insane.

[lholland]

kaiya23 couldn't have said it better! He is your son - your child, your rules. You could mention to the in-laws that weekends are family time and that they need to include you and your husband as well. As working mom with a stay-at-home husband, I treasure every minute of every weekend - it's very difficult for me to give that time up completely. When visiting the grandparents, my husband and I focus on activities that include everyone. Sometimes when I see my daughter playing with grandma and grandpa, I'll go take a nap or read a book for a couple of hours. That way, they still get a little bit of alone time with her but the majority of the weekend is spent together as a group. You know what's best for your child - stick by those instincts! Good luck!

[ra11en]

I guess I have a different take on it. My MIL lives nearby and keeps our DD overnight at least once a month. And not because we have plans that requires a babysitter for our DD either, its only because my MIL wants that one on one time with her. I work full time outside the home as does my husband, and also find weekends precious because I can never seem to get enough time with our DD. However, I know how much my MIL adores my DD and am so thankful they have such a close bond. So much love for my DD can only be a gift to her, and I only want to encourage that. And, I try to find ways to enjoy my weekend off.

Big difference though is that my MIL also comes over to our house at least once a week to spend time with all of us as a family too. Maybe you could compromise with them and let them keep your DS overnight every other visit? The more people that your son is surrounded by that love him so much is only good for him in the long run, and it truly is about him right? I know its hard, I yearn for my DD every time she is away. But we talk on the phone many time throughout her days away, and she truly adores my MIL. My MIL keeps my DHs niece on the same nights and they have girls night in, its adorable!

It would irk me a lot if my MIL ONLY wanted time with the baby and never time with us as a family, so that I can see as being a major factor in your disdain for the overnight trips. Even though my MIL lives nearby, she comes to stay with us every Christmas Eve so she can be there on Christmas morning when we wake up. Your inlaws seem like they could put forth more of an effort for sure.

Good luck!

[kaiya23]

Can they come early, say on Thursday and keep her Thursday night to give you a night off and still keep your weekends?

[Woratyla]

I too have in-laws that like to do over nights to have more time with our 2 year old. However, they live in the same town as we do, so I really didn't have a "good" excuse to say no. And it is sometimes nice on the weekend if she stays over - we get Mommy/Daddy time. HOWEVER, they have started to ask for her during the week. Our DD is in daycare fulltime (it is a taching daycare we she actually has classes) which means she misses " school" if they keep her. Anway - we did try this one time....what a mistake!! Little ones NEED schedules as we all know too well!! This over night during the week through our DD off her schedule so badly that it took the rest of the week to get her back on track. She was such a little bear!! We decided to tell them that it messes up her schedule too much, and that actually worked with them. Now if they want her during the week.....I drop her off after work, and pick her up before bedtime. Sooo much smother!! Maybe you can let your little one with them for a few hours while you get certain things done on the weekend?? I know all too well how touchy things can be with In-laws. It is really hard because they are your little ones family too. Best of Luck!!
hw

[khardyn]

Kaiya23 said it all.

[gamrodmel]

I was in the same situation with my inlaws when my 5 yr old was born. They were used to taking their other grandchild everywhere with them including out of town and thought they were going to do the same with my child. My husband and I stuck to our guns and did not allow them to take him anywhere unless we were in attendance. If they wanted to spend time with him then they were able to come over whenever they wanted. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries with the inlaws and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Your child is exactly that -- your child and you need to do what is best for your child and not anyone else.