My four year old son's behavior is out of control. Whenever I tell him to do something he always talks back calling me a name and say's he hates me. On the playground he calls other kids names like fat, poopy, and stinky. He throws things at other kids. I think he hurt one girls feelings calling her names a lot while she was trying to talk to him. Most of these are big kids that he insults.
What do I do about this?
I don"t think that you should worry too much. this is a small problem though I think it is a shameful one. give him some punishment that he can"t stand each time it happens and stick to it.
I think that it will be over in no time.
but you also need to continue to explain to him his wrong doings.
Here are some ideas from a post I did a while ago
If you don't think those ideas will cut it (they should help though) and the behavior seems really bad, consider having him evaluated by an early childhood development program. Every state has them, sometimes run by the school district, sometimes by Health and Welfare. If his social skills are more like a 3 year old or younger he could qualify for direct services that would help to teach him age appropriate skills. It costs nothing to have him screened and evaluated. And the evaluators may have more ideas for you if he doesn't qualify.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!
It depends on how much it bothers you. A 4-yr-old is old enough to be told simply & firmly things along the lines of: that is not how we treat people, you have a time out; you will apologize right now or we will leave the park.
If you're consistent and never waver in whatever your choice is, it will stop. If you're truly consistent and it won't stop a visit with a child psychologist might be in order.
Personally, I would not let him call you names, that is teaching him it is OK to disrespect you and it should not be ok. Further, you'll start to run into other parents for whom it is not ok and if your child call them a name they will talk back. You don't want to be the park pariahs!
To stop my daughter doing the "I hate you" "you're a...." every time she did it, it was "I'm the mommy you're the little girl. I'm in charge, you are not. You will sit in the corner for a time out now". If she didn't sit in the corner on her own, she was placed in her room. If she wouldn't stay, I stayed on the other side of the door with my hand on the door handle holding it closed for alloted amount of time. It took a month of absolute consistency but it stopped. Just takes a lot of parental effort when the child is strong willed!
All I can say is that no matter what your child's age is, it is important to know how is your child's behavior working for you, and how is it working for them. Children at the pre-school stage are developing a whole host of new skills, including: wanting more independence; asserting their wants; and learning about friendship. One of the best things you can do when parenting a three-year-old is to support your child in attaining these new skills without allowing them to become demanding or spoiled. To ensure you don't fall into unhealthy habits that promote power struggles, choose to use a firm--but kind--approach and look for ways that your child can learn from each situation.
Fire Yourself as Boss of the Household! Many parents buy into the belief that mom should be the boss of the household and be in control. Yet, we must remember that we are modeling for our children how to act every single minute of the day. Our kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. If they see us pulling rank as "boss", they will attempt to be "boss" too. Unfortunately, when this happens, they may outrank us and the real power struggles will begin!
Stay Firm but Kind. If they fight, you follow-through. Do this without yelling, scolding or punishing. Don't buy into their tears, and definitely don't get into a debate. Stay firm, but stay kind. Tell them that when they want a hug, to come find you. I know keeping your cool is easier said than done.
If you truly wish to succeed at being in the best shape of your life, indulge yourself in reading Self Help Articles online with topics about Parenting.
Self-help from Self Help Magazine. Psychology and self help since 1994.