Backround here: My hubby and I have three kids, ranging from 18-9. 9 months ago we were given our twin two year old niece and nephew to care for, not really by choice. It has turned long term, we are legal guardians now. I LOVE THEM with all my heart, but I had to quit a job I loved to stay home with them. Their mother never sees them, is basically a bum. Their father takes them one or two nights on the weekends, doesn't bathe them the whole weekend, feeds them junkfood all weekend, never brushes their teeth, etc, but loves them and tries hard. I, on the other hand, have had to deal with minor surgery for the one, plus all the millions of doctor appts when they have been sick, all the long, long nights when they were sick (now that we have figured out food allergies, life is much easier, but it was a long process and lots of laundry). I have to do all the hard work, their father does the fun stuff. We get minimal child support, no where near covering what they cost us. I stayed home with my own children and loved it. Now I am just plain BORED. I enjoy the kids, we have fun, but even the playgroups and the zoo and all that, even the doing puzzles, painting, playdough, all the stuff I used to enjoy is boring. I resent their mother and father, I am bored....any ideas?
I think you should try to focus on what a great thing you are doing for these children and how important you are to them right now. You know what their life would be if you hadn't stepped in, and no child deserves that. You have given them a great second chance, and you should be proud of yourself for that. They need you, and they will appreciate you and what you're doing forever. Don't think about how its negatively affecting you, stick to how its positively affecting them. You are a good person, doing a good thing. They're lucky to have you.
I work "in the system" i.e. a bettered women's shelter and I see kids go in and out of this place like it was a buffet. I have a big heart and it kills me to know that most of these kids will not lead normal, happy lives. The "circle" will not break and they will be back here someday. You have no idea what you are doing for these kids. I understand you are bored. Maybe they could go in daycare? Get socialized? I don't know but they might have deep seated behavioral problems that you don't know about yet and maybe they can be prevented with daycare? I don't know but I'm happy that there are people like you in the world to take care of these babies and make their lives a happy place.
Thank you for breaking the circle.
Married with Kid...
Loving my boys!
I just re-read my post and I want to add that I don't mean everyone who comes through the shelter is a bad mom. A lot of them are excellent mothers put in awful situations. But there are also women who abuse the system and don't take care of their children. I just wanted to clarify If there are any women who read this and were in a shelter.
Married with Kid...
Loving my boys!
Thanks guys, we keep saying we are going to break the cycle this time...we took care of their father too for months at a time. These two are the best behaved, happiest kids I have ever had....except every few months after they see their mother....
I know we need to do this, I am glad we can help, but it is so hard, we had worked so hard to get where we are and now I feel like we took big steps backwards. We can't afford daycare, they had been there, the county was paying part, but it got too expensive. We do playgourps and they have fun...Thanks for listening.
I know you replied to my similar post. I feel the same way. I just lost my job because my fiances job is better so I stay home for the kids and my boss didn't agree with what I was doing. She said it was his kids, his problem. Anyway I don't always feel like I deserve what I'm getting..... nothing. I am not their mother and I have no say in anything that involves their mother, or my fiance, yet who is here at 7 am when they wake up? I am. Who knows thier naptime, their "baby language," or what they feel like eating? I do. Yet I can't decide when I want to see them or what doctor they should see or what daycare they should or shouldnt attend. I don't get child support or food stamps, their mother does. But I am the one here on this website pulling my hair out because I don't know how to deal with TWO 2yr. old toddlers................ ggrrrrr.....
Well That is exactly what I did and now everybody is happy I have my own little business now and its been working wonders
Well you might think I'm here to sell something .(That I leave to you)
Check out the link given below and there is no money involved for going through the video ,so there is no harm in trying .
Im not saying anything more the video speaks for itself.
But it could bring lots of joy into your lives.
I had a friend, he was young and inexperienced. He new that he couldn't properly take care of his baby and at 6mos of age gave it up for adoption. I'm not saying you can't do it like he couldn't but maybe if you're really not up for it...ya know? He had the baby for 6 months and knew that it would be better off with someone else. These kids were not brought into this world by your choice, they're not yours and they're very taxing. You have your own kids to think about, with you not being able to work now can your family really afford to take on 2more kids? They're expensive and need much more than the kids at the ages you have now? You know what I mean? I'm just looking at things from the other way, that's what I do, I look at both sides. You need to think logically and if you're not happy, money's tight, and it's taxing on your family...they're really not your responsability. That's probably what I'd do...I take care of a lot of people in my apartment complex, fianally I just had to stop answering my phone and say, you know what, they're not my responsability!
Sry this guy seems like he's taking you for granted, is this really what you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! doing? I wouldn't.
family is everyone's responsibility. not necessarily strangers. that's what we have the system for and the state can help if you know how to find the right ave. i inherited a child of seven years old and he's not my family but why should a child who has been severly abused, watched his mother kill herself with alcohol, mental health, suicide, choosing men, and then have to live with his biological father and watch him beat his girlfriends, his mother, and be beaten himself, instability poverty, why would we as humans turn the other cheek? isnt that what's wrong with americans today? give me but dont give in return. she had no right to have this child nor did he but the state has no law against these people being able to reproduce and we pick up the tab anyway with our taxes and over crowded foster system and so forth. if it's family there should be no question. there's plenty of help out there and if we look we can find.this child of 7yrs of age has terrible history, watched his mother die slowly and painfully as of jan2010 she died, and watched his father walk out of his life a year before to go after his wife for putting him in jail of dv and now he lost his brother's from a previous marriage, and his grandmother is terminal with the same symptoms his mother ided from. plus the mothers boyfriend who told this child he loved him for two years hasnt spoken to this child since thanksgiving. this child cries himself to sleep. he's been suspended from school twice, once for stabbing a child with a pencil in the hand, rageing fits, no dental visits ever, exposed to hep,wild wild wild bu since being in my home, total 180. not easily, but with him feeling safe and loved and rules and structure, this was a child who would just pee on himself where he stood and not tell anyone and walk around in it all day with that putrid smell or would only eat chips,pizza,and slim jims, and soda. is it my responsibility to teach him, love him,protect him, no it's not but being a foster car child myself for half my life, people coming and going, no grounding, no one to call your own, no home for weekend visits or holidays or anything a family does. i couldnt imagine my life without my children and there are 11 and 7 and my ll yr old has autism so no it's not my responsibility but why let strangers do the work if your family and you know it's the right thing to do. find diff outlets and so forth it's workable trust me someone who thought it was impossible and reap the reward you should feel in your heart to know that you gave thses kid's a chance in life that otherwise they would've never had. love them as if they were your own and just take one day at a time. trust me the violence and mental health this seven year old is going through isnt easy on him either. he's being completely reprogramed and that doesnt happen over night. and the father of those girls is never going to change. imagine all the woman who deal with that daily fight with their ex and the baby's dad? my ex misses the med schedule, feeds junk, never home on time, and the children can be monsters and that's where you need to do the mother judgement call. file contemp of court. you can have the court intervene document everything if you need just dont give up hope i KNOW KNOW KNOW it's hard. you can email if you like i'll always answer good luck