Help, my daughter is mean...but cute

[bigdog446]

My 4 1/2 yr old is having trouble getting along with others. I thought it was due to her speech delayed and she would get angry and hit the other kids when they didnt understand her. Now, though her speech is still delayed, she doesn't like many other kids. She will just get angry with them and walk over and hit them and yes it is not provoked. I am afraid for her to play with other kids that she will seriously hurt one of them or be banned from anything all together. She is very intelligent and many times very sweet but then out of no where it's ugly. Tells my husband she hates him and then loves him the next minute. This is a routine with everyone she knows. Any thoughts??

[Jayney]

Do you discipline her?

You need to teach her that her behavior will not be tolerated. You need to explain to her why it's wrong and if she does it there will be consequences. And then follow through with those consequences.

[bigdog446]

I have tried everything from sitting with her and discussing why to see if there is something bothering her to taking away her favorite toys, etc.. I recently left my job and she has been enrolled in pre-school and classes at the Y for additional activities but nothing seems to work. I am considering a professional evaluation. If anyone has any opinion or experience with this please let me know.

[Newmom!]

I work with children with speech and language delays, and I've seen this. One theory is that she doesn't know how to enter into play in a positive way. Or it is possible she doesn't know how to play. What you can do as a parent (with the preschool and Y teachers) is try to figure out what is "motivating" the behavior. Then work with her, in the situation, as well as role playing to help her learn the right thing to say and do. So if you think she doesn't know how to approach a peer and ask to play, you or a preschool teacher, go with her to the friend. Tell your daughter what to say, and have her repeat it to the friend.

Since you are considering evaluation, I would say that the "problem" is severe enough for you to go and do it. Depending on your state, free evaluation can be completed by either the school district or Health and Welfare. In our school district we have screening one day a month where 3-5 years olds (by appointment) go through our screening or basic evaluation process. We look at skills in physical development, thinking, social interaction, self help skills, speech and language, as well as hearing and vision. If a child scores lower than desired in one or more of the areas, we send that child's file on to a school who does a more thorough evaluation to determine if they qualify for services. Services may simply be speech therapy, or it may be more comprehensive as a part of a preschool program in the public school (other districts partner with Head Start). If you need help finding the screening for your daughter, ask your doctor, call a Head Start program, call the school district, or call Health and Welfare and ask about an "early intervention screening".

I would try the above described evaluation first (it's free). If your child does not qualify for services (a child must be really low) then consider medical therapy that does not require a huge delay for services.

It sounds like your child could have a "social" delay of some kind (very common with speech delays) and enrollment in a program that develops and individual education plan to increase her ability to interact appropriately with others would really benefit her. By getting her the help now, it will be easier to teacher her and she will be less likely to need the help in the future.


I hope this all is clear, sorry it is so long. I wish you the best, and please post back if you have any questions about what I wrote.

[bigdog446]

Newmom. Thank you!! We did have her evaluated by the County when she was 2 but they said she was in a normal range. She did have professional speech therapy about a year ago but funds and insurance ran out. I did not think to have the County evaluate her social skills and it's nice to hear that the social and speech may go hand and hand. Thank you so much for the information, it helps alot and makes me feel better that we are on the right track. I will definately look into the Head Start program and additional services provided by our County.