The X

[Saphira]

First of all, hate that this 'lovin' person is spamming the boards with so many empty, useless threads. Not even a parent, and already 'thinking ahead' is a really scary, freaky episode coming from her... Anyhow...

Second of all, I've got problems on the home front. Roo developed a cold on New Years Day, first one for the year. Of course the pedi isn't open, and will be closed 'til Monday. Any cold meds out there for 7 month old infants?

And finally... Found out yesterday that my ex has a new girlfriend. I have no problem with this at all... until I find out that it's this girl we went to school with. She is a NUT. No, seriously. Take a note that I am NOT saying this outta jealousy or need to put her down cuz she's dating my ex. I've moved on, and I'm seeing a guy - we're taking it incredibly slow [which I like]. However, Charles now claims to be in 'love' with said girl. This scares me.

Charles has a routine when in a relationship. I know from our on and off again relationships, he always followed the same route. He's blissful, then happy, then negative, then unsure, then never present, then gone. NEVER fails. Right now he's blissful. And I'm almost 100% sure that he's gonna ask her to marry him within the next month [however, there's no telling how LONG each phase will last]. I know this cuz he's asked the past three girls [me included] that he was 'head over heels, in love' with to marry him. I'm friends with both of the ex's, so stories like this get shared.

I also know this girl will say yes. This girl is... different? She's on so many meds for hormonal imbalances, temper/anger problems, and a bipolar disorder. She's a druggy, and I think she drinks too - but I'm not sure on the second half. Charles has 'been with' her before, but only sexually - never in a relationship. She also has herpes, which I know because he told me right after we got back together last March.

Charles also got rejected from the army for 'depression.' Which I don't even understand HOW he could be depressed, he hasn't got **** to do. He plays video/computer games all day at his parent's plushy home, and he prolly still doesn't have a job. He hasn't even SEEN Roo since she was 5 months old, almost to the day. And when he visited that day, he spent [no joke] about 2/3rd's of that hour and a half at the neighbors, talking to them. He didn't call on Christmas Eve NOR on Christmas day, he didn't call New Years Eve NOR New Years day. However, he did go see his new girlfriend. And his myspace main pic is of him and Roo, and it's frustrating. And he has several pics of Roo on his page and I wish to hell I had never let his family take pics of her so he could claim to be 'such a good, devoted' parent.

I'm supposed to go visit his mom/stepdad/adopted sisters this week, and I'm truly dreading the experience. I really don't want to go in case he's there... Every Saturday I come to my mom's house and just hide out here cuz his dad/stepmom like to drop by without warning, without a heads up and hang out for 30-60 minutes. My opinion is that if Charles hasn't come around for two months now, why should he start coming around all of a sudden? If he hasn't seen her for two months, maybe it should stay that way. He can't just pop into her life whenever he feels. I mean, he CAN... but I don't like it. I don't WANT him to. And Roo doesn't NEED that in her life either. She NEEDS a stable male role model who will GUIDE her not STUNT her.

And I'm really haphazard about how to go about getting child support. The past month it's been really stumping me... :\

I just needed a little vent.

[NaomiK]

Lovin sure is spamming up the board. Is it a coincidence that there are all of a sudden a bunch of other "new" members introducing themselves as well? Maybe.

Anyway, that sounds like a terrible situation and I don't have much advice, but I do want to wish you luck. He sounds like he is only involved when the situation fits and when its convenient for him. I agree with you in that Roo needs someone stable or no one at all. He is going to confuse her, but on the other hand, can you really tell him no? Its a hard situation. I would def be looking into child support though. If you dont need the extra money for bills, maybe you can start a college fund with it or something.

As far as the ex, it sounds like you have him figured out so this probably wont last. Even if it does, he never sees Roo anyway right? So its not like he will be putting her in harms way...I think?

And if it were me, I wouldnt look at his myspace. I have learned that it usually doesnt help. In fact, it hurts the situation and probably just frustrates you that he pretends to be there when he isnt.

A good friend of mine from another forum keeps track of everything that happens with her ex. Every time he visits, calls, buys things, whatever. I think that is a great idea to do, especially if you may take him to court for child support or custody one day.

Good luck and best wishes!

[hardworkinmama]

As far as child support and visitations are concerned you need to contact a lawyer. Also, stop into your local courthouse and they can provide you with the steps you need to take. Most likely you will have to go through the county that you live in and it may take some time, but he needs to take resposibility as a father. Also, since I am sure you are documenting the time he does spend with Roo, you will need to have that with you when you go to court, as this may help with deciding how the visitations should go. Good luck!

[tmonfet01]

Saphira, I'm so sorry for the situation you have been put it. It's not nice to be throw into any situation when you've just had a baby, I know the most important thing for you right now is the health and happiness of your child.
The only true advice I can give, is one that's already been mentioned, which is to keep a good log, possibly buy yourself a calendar specifically for journaling his visitation and even phone calls, that way if and when the time come you will have it as "evidence."
I recently read a fantastic book, short read, if you like to read. It's called "the bright side of disaster" by Katherine Center. A short sum up, it's about a woman who gets pregnant with her fiancees child, he ends up splitting. It sounds a lot like how you're feeling, with the fact that he shouldn't be able to get in and out. It's obviously not your life, but when I've been in big slumps I've read a couple books that were kind of helping me put it in perspective.
And please, vent all you want, we're all moms and are here for one another no matter the circumstance. It's good to get an opinion from someone that is on the outside looking in sometimes. Just remember, you are your child's main parent, and you need to do what is best for the both of you, no matter what that ends up being. May 2010 be a great year for you and your new little family!

[Saphira]

Yeah I'm still working on getting child support from him. I need it to support Roo so I can support myself. And he deserves to struggle anyhow...

I'm just getting really tired of the BS. And really sorry I didn't see how big of a loser he was before.

Thanx or letting me vent. :]