First I think I should give some background since you all don't know me. My husband and I got married 7 years ago. I grew up in a home where the wife stays home has kids and takes care of the house and her husband. The husband supports the family. My family has this thought where you are not important until you are married with four kids. I don't even think my dad knows how to use the microwave. My husband grew up that if you don't work you are not worth anything and you should have about 2 kids. Any more and you are irresponsible. His mom is also the kind of person that everything that you do is something that is against her and she is always the victim. Somehow with such different upbringings we think very much a like.
I have physical disability that makes it hard for me to stand for any length of time, carry anything more then 10 lbs, do any repetitive motion like peal potatoes, or grip stuff. Pregnancy makes it worse. I am on meds for it which only help ease the pain so I can get through the day but I can't take them when I am nursing or pregnant.
My husband has chronic depression that he has been on meds since he was 17. When he is on them he is the most loving and supportive husband you ever seen. When he is off his meds he is very hard to deal with. He get angry at everyone nothing seems to go right. he will yell at people for the slightest thing. He slams doors kicks things kind of like a child having a consent temper tantrum. He gets worse in the winter when the days are shorter and about every 3 months he stops taking his meds. He hates depending on them and wants to stop taking them all together.
We have had a lot of stresses in our marriage. Most that happened right around this time of year. We tried to get pregnant from the very beginning of our marriage only to have fertility issues that Doctors can not explain. Then I got pregnant and after the first I could get pregnant very easily. It seems like every 4 months after a pregnancy i get pregnant again. Now the problem is keeping a child alive. We lost three children one early pregnancy, one late pregnancy, and one a day after she was born. I was told that they don't know why I lost these babies but they think it is genetic. They have no way of helping to keep a baby alive except to try to catch it before it happens. Two we lost in late December and early January. We have one 12 months old daughter and I am due in May with twins. We are dealing with health issues with my daughter that again are not able to be explained. Lucky they are minor. She is below the charts for weight and is not gaining very much at all. She is 15 lbs. she wears 9 month pants and 12 month shirts. She has lost weight a couple times. Other then that she seems healthy. She eats well. The doctors want me to put her on a high calorie diet but I really don't like the idea of trying to shove food at her all the time when she is not hungry or feeding her food that is just meant to make her gain weight. She eats healthy food right now and as much as she wants. She gets over her daily needs of calories for what she should need for her age. I also make sure that in her food she gets all her daily needs in Calcium, protein, and vitamins. I feel like the doctor thinks I am not giving her as much as I say I am. Some of the food she suggested have no nutrients in it at all or way to much salt and sugar.
Ok now that I went on about my life for what is probably way to long I will tell you my problem and ask the questions. First My husband stop taking his meds. I don't know for how long but it has been a while. He is worse then I have ever seen him. He is always yelling at me about the house not being clean enough, the dog not being taking care of ( i can't take care of the dog because he is to strong for me and we are both scared he is going to kill the babies I am carrying.), and everything elts he can think of. He shows no care for the puppys well been. He got so bad on Saturday with his yelling and throwing things that I threatened to go to my sisters for the night because my daughter was scared of him and I was getting a little scared of him myself. He told me he would call the police and tell them I was kidnapping our daughter and wouldn't let me out of the house. I almost called the police myself. The thing is this is not who he is. He is just like this because of the stress of this time of year and not taking his meds. He has admitted that he stopped taking them and he will start again but I am worried about this happening again and it is going to take at least a week to get the meds built up in his system. I am not sure what to do about this. The other question is what to do about the weight issue I have with my daughter. I know this is long and I hope someone would get through reading this and have some advice for me.
Wow I thought my life gets tough. You are a strong and brave women. God bless you. And give you more strength and wisdom.
You should video tape your husband when he gets all ballistic on you and show it to him when he is calm and on his meds and explain to him that this is who he is when he is not taking them and why he needs to take them. Tell him you don't want him to do anything he'll regret later (when he's not taking them) or sneak it in his coffee in the morning. jk .
The weight, try giving your daughter snacks constantly. Like every 2 hrs.
If she's healthy I wouldn't worry about it too much. Doctors always have an issue w our kids are either too fat or too skinny. I was a nanny to a little 3 yr old who was very skinny. Because she only wanted to drink milk. Trying to get her to eat 3 chicken nuggets was one heck of a chore. But 2 years later she's eating more and a very strong athletic girl. Don't add to the stress! Sry for your losses.
I could just see it now have a hidden camera in the house. Seriously I think he knows what he is like after the fact just not during the time. He tells me how he feels during the time and exactly what happens during the times. i think he just loses control during these times. I asked him to talk to the doctor about his depression but he did make a good point. The doctor can't help unless he is taking his meds. I wish I could step in his head and find a better way to help him. I kind of thing he might have to go on a higher dose because he been having such issues but I think that might have to do with all the past. I am more worried about until they kick in anyways I might talk to my sister but I am worried that he will get really upset like I am tattling on him and my sister will think I am dramatizing it anyways. She is the only one in my family that even thinks Depression is a really issue and not an excuse
Thanks for the reassurance that I am doing the right thing with my daughter. I am not a doctor so I am worried about going against what she says but this just didn't make sense. I thought after I wrote my post I should have put a sample diet of her day so I will put that here to help everyone see where I am coming from.
9:00 she wakes up and nurses for 30 minutes. This is more for comfort.
9:30 she has 3 to 4 servings of baby rice cereal made with ether formula or a mixture of formula and prune juice if she is having issues. I am going to keep the cereal going until a year and a half because it has lots of nutrients in it.
11:00 she has peas and cheese. The cereal is a little low on protein so I try to add that with other foods.
1:00 She eats half a can of pears right before her nap. This is our special time sharing a can of pears.
3:00 She has 2 servings of plain yogurt. Then a very small amount of peas or cheese just to satisfy her need to self feed.
4:30 She has ether 2 servings of yogurt or a serving of rice cereal.
6:30 she has ether cheese, peas, apples, cucumber, or green peppers. This is just so we can eat but she doesn't eat much.
7:30 she has a bedtime snack of one serving Yogurt.
I also try to include a bottle of 3 oz of formula but this she only takes about half the time. the peas and cheese during the day adds up to about 1/3 a can of peas and 1/2 a cup of cheese. i will also give her some finger foods during the day if I need to distract her like when I am eating lunch if I don't manage to get it at the same time as her. She nurses a lot to during the day and she always has a sippy cup of prune juice or water but she is not crazy about these.
It sounds to me like your daughter has plenty of healthy choices to eat and is still actively nursing so is getting the nutrition she needs. Don't let the doctor worry you if your daughter in healthy in all other ways!
I don't have advice on your other question, but...izstephens is right. You are strong and are handling this in the best way you can. <<hugs>>
thank you kare.bear. It is nice to know what others think about my problems. Thank you also for saying I am strong but I really don't feel like I am everyone can handle anything that is dished out to them when they don't got a choice. I more told about the problems so you could understand where my husband is coming from and that things could make it harder for him. Ok lost my train of thought my daughter just knocked over the candy.
I'm not trying to be mean, but you're schedule of what you're feeding your daughter sounds awfully restrictive. A 12 month old should be eating an actual breakfast/lunch/dinner meal. Maybe yogurt would work for breakfast, and peas/cheese ok for snack, but what about a meal? Have you tried her with noodles, mashed potato's, small peices of chicken/meat, things easy for her to gum and swallow? Also, if you're needing to give her prune juice so often, it may be due to having her eat cheese so much, cheese can be binding.
Having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside of your body - Elizabeth Stone
You are right she doesn't have a ton of options. She didn't start solids till she was 9 months and then we had problems with allergies so I had to stop her for a little while. She is allergic to Wheat, oats, carrots, and bananas so noodles are out. When I started solids again she ended up getting sick from a virus and refused to eat so we are way behind on foods. That why I am so worried about her getting the best out of her foods. We where told to hold off on meat till she was one. She is starting hamburger on Saturday. As for the prune juice she doesn't have it very often. The last time was 2 weeks ago and I only give her 1/2 an oz with about 5 oz of water. Really since she has ate them on a regular basis she has been getting one food a week.
First off, I would like to suggest getting a second opinion from another pediatrician, especially if you can go to a pediatric specialist or eating specialist. Whether you have gone this route or not you need to make sure your doctor knows how you feel about the types of foods she eats (ie no salts or sugars). Get your doctor to give you in depth explanations of why he wants you to give certain foods or why he wants her to get back on the weight chart, etc. Be sure you let him know how you feel about everything. Open communication like that can help the doctor alter his "orders" to fit within your ideals, and you can have the knowledge of "why" that will help your ideals fit with his orders.
That said, have you tried any nutritionally dense foods? I know she has allergies, but some things from this list should be okay for her. These foods have lots of nutrition as well as lots of calories and the "good fats". Avocado (my baby loves it), coconut meat, coconut milk, fatty fish (cooked with skin on and serve your daughter the fat between the meat and skin- along with meat of course), nut butters (almond, cashew, and/or peanut - these can be found with the nut only - no salt, sugar, or preservatives), use Wholemilk yogurt, or if you can't find that add a few spoonfuls of cream to the yogurt, and cook foods with olive oil. As far as wheat allergy goes, there are many substitutes that are available, though they are spender. Many grocery stores carry wheat free pasta and even carry a premix of non-wheat flours for baking.
I also wonder about the nursing, I believe breast is best, but if you are not producing very calorie rich milk, then it might be a filler, keeping your daughter from wanting to eat as many calories from other food. You might want to nurse her only 3-4 times a day (that is the standard recommendation for a 12 month old). But talk about this with your pediatrician, it could be the other way - that it's only your breast milk that is sustaining her.
You should read this thread http://forums.parenting.com/showthre...7944#post77944 it will give you some other resources and another parent who is going through something similar
As far as your husband goes, you might want to call the police if you truly feel threatened, or maybe social services. They can maybe help your husband stay on his meds through legal means. If he is a potential danger to your children you need all the support you can get to help him. Has he had counseling to help him understand and realize how important it is to stay on his meds, even if he doesn't like them? He might need therapy to help him reach that conclusion himself as telling him obviously is not enough.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!