Too good to be true?

[autymsmommy]

About a year ago I met a wonderful man. He is kind, generous, affectionate.... And he loves my daughter. I don't think it's just a honeymoon phase with the two of them as he loves her even more now than he did at first. My 6 year old daughter feels the same about him. She thinks the sun rises and sets on him. He lives in a different state but she calls him at night to say goodnight or when something exciting happens during her day - and he always makes time for me or her when we need him even if he's in the middle of a meeting. When we are visiting him or vice versa they do science experiments together, build stuff, etc.. A perfect example of him in general is last night - I had a migraine so bad I couldn't even see straight, much less read her a bedtime story, so my wonderful guy read her a book over the speakerphone (from his office) until she fell asleep. One issue is that she likes him more than she likes her own father (my ex). Given, my ex has never been much of a father. I have sole custody and he has a 2 hour supervised visitation once a week. Which half the time he doesn't show up for. I am thrilled that she has found a father figure in my guy. My daughter says though that whenever she "accidently" mentions our guy to her father he threatens to punish her???? She won't elaborate, and this is not the first time this has happened, there is a valid reason why he is not allowed to be alone with her. I hold the right to yank visitation temporarily if I feel something isn't right. Should I go that far? What worries me most is that me and my daughter have always been close and for the first time she won't talk to me, speaking of which I found out that she has been left alone with him for small increments at time at the vistitation center. My second question is this : Is there such a thing as too good to be true with our "new" guy? He wants to get married, wants me to be a SAHM, wants to send my daughter to a top notch private school in his area.... Its all seeming like a dream. I suppose I should mention the age difference. He is 38 and I am 23. I love him so much that I want to believe this is real, it just seems so surreal! HELP PLEASE!!!

[lou]

That's great that you've found such a great guy! as for the age difference, I see no problem with that at all, I'm 25 (almost) and my fiance is 43. I'm in a similar situation as far as the too good to be true senerio. I've been in a few really bad and abusive relationships so to go from that to a relationship with a guy who thinks the sun rises and sets in my eyes is quite a shock to the system. We have so much in common but at the same time we have so many differences. He's incredibly patient, a wonderful father, very affectionate, always makes time for me and the kids, he cooks, cleans, does laundry, yard work, etc...
but most importantly he wants me to be myself and knows that his happiness lies in his ability to be happy not my having to make and keep him happy and vise vera. It really does seem too good to be true. I've truely been blessed with this man and it sounds like you have been blessed too. I would watch for any RED FLAGS, and it sounds as though from your first guy that you know exaclty what I'm saying, and if there aren't any go for it and good luck! I got engaged to my man and I don't have one single regret, he's the greatest thing to have happened to me so far, our healthy little baby boy I'd have to say will take the cake.

As for your situation with your daughter, I wouldn't immediately revoke visitation, he is her father and even though he may not be the greatest your daughter still needs to know him. I would discuss the situation with the visitation supervisors and let them know you don't want them left alone period and why. Maybe the threat of your ex not seeing her period would straighten him out, though don't do this in front of your little girl, she should be kept naive of all this. If all else fails, you're her mother and know best and know the situation, if you feel it absolutely necessary then yank the visitation.