Moving away from children.

[mperry88]

I am 4 months pregnant. The father of my baby lives in Washington, I live in Colorado. He is divorced with a 7 year old son in Washington. He is currently planning on moving to Colorado to be here for our baby. I am concerned about the effect this decision will have on his current child and his relationship with his current child. I have tried to convince him to see the detrimental effects it will have on the 7 year old if he moves away, but his tunnel vision only shows him that he needs to be here for the baby. He has spent 7 years forming a relationship with his son. The resent and the sadness his son will feel I believe will be huge. Not to mention that in a 7 year old's eyes, it will appear his father is "choosing" the baby over him. Over time, he will become a stranger to his current child. I am torn because though I want him in our baby's life, I feel that it is the wrong decision to make. A baby won't know the difference...a 7 year old child will. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Angelsrose12]

I recently went to a friend with multiple young children for advice. I was feeling overwhelmed because my DD has become increasingly needy as my pregnancy has progressed. She is almost 18 mo. and I am worried about how I will meet the needs of both children when my DS arrives.

Here is what she said, "It will be OK to let your DS cry a few extra minuts in order to meet the needs of your older child. He will not remember that you let him cry 10 extra minutes, but SHE will remember that you always took care of the baby first before her needs."

I think your instincts are right. While it would be wonderful for him to be there for you and your new baby, the 7 year old will remember that when push came to shove, Daddy chose the new baby over him.

Is there any way that you can move closer to him? Do you see a future with this man as a husband and father? Or do you think that eventually he will do to you and your child what he plans to do to his current child? These are all questions you should ask yourself. Good luck with it though, and I hope that everything works out for you, your child, and the child in Washington.

[Newmama22]

First kudos to you for taking the son's feelings into consideration. Not every woman out there would have done the same in your situation. Also I agree that you should take a look at the father's character and see if you think he might be willing to do to you and your current child what he's willing to do to his son. Also does he have plans to visit his son during holidays? Or take him for a few weeks over summer? If there is the possibilty that you guys are going to get married? Would it be possible to get custody? I don't know his mom's role in all of this but would she even be willing to let her son go out to visit with his father? I can't help but feel he should stay with his son, but that's only my opinion, I know you'll do what's best. Good Luck.

[craftyashley]

This guy does sound a little odd. If he's willing to do this to a 7 year old, I wouldn't be surprised if it does it to your child for another baby down the road. I would question whether you want that kind of man in your child's life to begin with.

[Step-Mama21]

i deffinatly have to agree with the other posters that you cant help but question the charector of a man who is so willing to leave his son, you really need to examine whether or not he is "marriage material" for you because if not than maybe its best to cut ties now so that your child wont remember you fighting, and if he is the one for you i think you should consider moving to him b4 the baby is born otherwise whether you mean to or not( which im sure that you dont) you are putting him in a possition where he has to choose between his children. You are obviously a very carring person or you wouldnt be worrying about this, but whwen it comes down to it you cant make his choices for him, and i strongly believe that the choices you make make up who you are

[mort20]

That is really a wrong decision by your partner. He is disregarding the feelings of his older child. Maybe you should talk to him, let him know the future effect of his decision. It is decision that will change the future of the kid forever. It should be made with a lot of thinking.

[mort20]

That is really a wrong decision by your partner. He is disregarding the feelings of his older child. Maybe you should talk to him, let him know the future effect of his decision. It is decision that will change the future of the kid forever. It should be made with a lot of thinking.