I need help

[lou]

It's obvious tht she has doubts about this or she wouldn't have started the thread to begin with. also she says "I know that I'm not fully capable to be a mother right now." I'm going to reiterate what I said previously on here: To know you're not capable, but to keep a child anyway because that's what you want is incredibly self-centered and this poor girl doesn't even realize what all's entailed with having a child and to defend this girl's decision to keep the child when she herself admits she's not capable is incredibly irresponsible. At this age, as previously stated, self-centered and egotistical is what she's supposed to be. She's still not even fully developed as far as mentally, emotionally, etc... The frontal lobes (the seat of thinking, goal setting, and planning) of the brain are the last part of the brain to fully mature and this doesn't mature till around age 22.

and forget about the finances and the girl herself for a second here. what about the child? think of all the things this child's mother will miss out on because she has to go to school (to young to drop out) and work all the time and how that will effect this child. not to mention that she's in an unstable relationship. Yes I said unstable as it's a rare occurance indeed that we stay with our first or even first few relationships and having a child will strain even the most mature and stable ones. how will that effect the baby and her situation? even if something happens between the mother and father and grandma still cares for them till 18 what then?

No one on here is making this a personal attack, I just want that to be clear. It's just not possible for you to do an adequate job raising a child right now and that's not your fault by any means, it has nothing to do with you personally. Yes, with all the financial support you could do it, but that is a miniscual part of the equation here.

[twins_twins]

Oh my goodness! I cannot believe I accidently put "I encourage abortion very much so." WOW---I completely meant adoption..I feel awful--Note to All*** I do NOT encourage abortion. Sorry, my apologies.

[ra11en]

Did twiceblessed actually say she agreed with me? I think I'm going to faint.....

Hehehehe, just kidding.

Yes, I am VERY worried about my tax dollars. That certainly isn't my biggest concern on this issue by any means, I hope that comes across. I worry about this child's child continuing a horrible cycle. I worry about this child herself turning into a bitter young adult that has missed out on some of the best things in life because she didn't listen to opinions she searched for. I worry about my own daughter and what I need to do to prevent this from happening in my own home. I just plain worry about this. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent mulling this specific posting and how it tore straight to my heart.

I grew up on welfare, which is one reason I am SOOOOO opinionated on teens getting to use a system that was created to help families, not be abused by young girls that are pretending to be grown ups just because my tax dollars will provide their healthcare and food for their table. I think is a gross misuse of resources for 14 yr olds to think they can be a mother and provide for a baby when they legally can't even get a job, which means my tax dollars. I am extremely sensitive to welfare and govt aide due to my childhood, but I certainly don't want it to seem that is the main concern from me. I grew up with NO money, poorer than poor. I grew up and have watched my twin sister continue the same cycle as our mother; pregnant at 16, HS drop out because it was just too hard for her to continue school and raising her son, and I've watched her struggle to make ends meet. I've watched her become bitter and resentful of her three sons, knowing that she has missed out on so much. Now that she is older and 'wiser', she looks back and is so regrettful of her deliberate choice to get pregnant. Her sons pay the consequences BIG TIME. This post really really hit close to home for me. This young girl has the opportunity to give this baby to a good, loving, capable home so she can continue to grow and learn about herself. I pray that that is what she chooses to do, for her sake and the sake of her baby.

[kfiedler]

It's is not that fact of wether she will love the baby or not. I am sure she will. But I still agree with ra11en 14 is to young to have a baby. There are some teen mothers are there who have done a wonderful job raising there children, and gotten there life straight out, so really maybe having a baby helped them get there life on track. But really there are also those who drop the kid in Grandma's lap every chance they get, so they can go out and party. Wether one says they won't do it, how are we supposed to know. Only time will tell. Why risk the possibility that you may just want to be a kid, after the baby is born.

[TrubearJ]

I'm trying to stay out of this one, but I cannot help but agree with Ra11en. It's not her taxes she's worried about, it's her using that tax money to help aide a 14 year olds child. I believe in Welfare and in "state help." But I believe in it for people who need help for a short period. My sil was on it for a couple of years when she had her ds (for a good reason) but she went to school and got back on her two feet. A 14 year old cannot afford a baby. She cannot get a job either. She's going to be leeching off the state for a long time. And guess who's going to be paying for her....the tax payers.
State help is for those who need it, not for those who decided to play house.

[amberjean]

I am 17 now and 17 weeks pregnant. I will turn 18 just 8 days before my due date! Our due dates are close! 17 and 14 are a lot different but I also have a friend who had a baby when we were in the 8th grade, she was 13. Her little boy is almost 4 years old and she has more fun with him then she could ever have had at parties or proms! What about the daddy? You said his grandmother will help but what about him? The two of you need to decide. Even though you are the one having the child, it took two of you to make it! LOL! Hard? YES! But between the two of you, you both will make the right decision. My boyfriend is totally psyched about having his own baby! He is 19 and has went back to school, he will graduate four months after the baby gets here, so he will have a better job. You will be 15 before long and then you can get waitressing jobs (depending on what state you live in). But like you said, God allowed you to get pregnant for a reason. Either so you could raise a child who may find a cure for AIDS or maybe just to help with your situation with your mother. I do not know why you hate her, but after you have your own child, those feelings will probably change, for better or worse, no one can say! Just remember that if you decide adoption is right, you can get an open adoption where the adoptive parents keep you informed on your child's growth and send you pictures! Good luck! Congradulations!

[NIN_NIN_69]

I am so upset over peoples opinions that a "good" mother has to be one that graduated high school, has a job, knows how to drive, and has hit a certain age limit. I quit school a week after I turned 16 because that was the age you had to be to leave and dont regret it. I have NEVER had a job and dont plan on getting one for at least the next 5 years if even then. I am 23 and I don't drive...I never have and if I have my way never will. I might have been over 18 when I had my children but I can tell you right now that even had I been 14 I would never have given up my child to anyone for any reason. All the love and support I have had with my children at 20 I would have had at 14 or 15 also because that is the kind of family I have. To everyone that thinks it is wrong to keep your child because they dont like how you are running your life--I have my opinions on what makes a good and bad mother too. Most of you would more than likely make it to the bad list just for the way you talk about how you would give your childs flesh and blood to a stranger instead of helping her through a rough patch. If my child came home and told me she was pregnant I would talk to her about HER options not MY OPTIONS FOR HER! I really hope that your children will not get pregnant young because of the fact that you would make them regret ever coming to you for help in the first place.

[twiceblessed]

I I have NEVER had a job and dont plan on getting one for at least the next 5 years if even then. I am 23 and I don't drive...I never have and if I have my way never will. I might have been over 18 when I had my children but I can tell you right now that even had I been 14 I would never have given up my child to anyone for any reason. All the love and support I have had with my children at 20 I would have had at 14 or 15 also because that is the kind of family I have. To everyone that thinks it is wrong to keep your child because they dont like how you are running your life--I have my opinions on what makes a good and bad mother too. Most of you would more than likely make it to the bad list just for the way you talk about how you would give your childs flesh and blood to a stranger instead of helping her through a rough patch. If my child came home and told me she was pregnant I would talk to her about HER options not MY OPTIONS FOR HER! I really hope that your children will not get pregnant young because of the fact that you would make them regret ever coming to you for help in the first place.

Couple of things that I want to touch on here...1)You have NEVER had a job???? WTH??? How are you supporting yourself and your child if you don't work? Or are you one of those people who feel like people "owe" you something so you are living off the state? 2)Why not drive? What's with the "if I have my way I never will"?
3)I don't believe that ANYONE on this board anywhere, for any topic, has ever said they would give up their "childs flesh and blood to a stranger instead of helping her through a rough patch"(direct quote from post).
Ra11en do you want me to use my question on a public message board speech? I thought it was one of my better PMS ones
All that being said, your rambling about not working, not driving, childs flesh and blood, rough patches and all that jazz does nothing to bolster your argument that regardless of age any female can be a good mother. One has not be able to support their child emotionally, physically and financially along with loving them more than anything else in order to be a good parent and I don't think that a 14 year old is capable of meeting all that criteria.

[twiceblessed]

Did twiceblessed actually say she agreed with me? I think I'm going to faint.....

Hehehehe, just kidding. .

I thought it was pretty cool that we agreed about something, atleast I did after I picked myself up off the floor j/k

[aprilblues]

I have tried to stay quiet regarding this post but I would like to give my opinion. I am shocked at some of the responses on here as far as the way in which they are given. I am not saying that it's a good situation that this girl is pregnant at 14 but we don't need to be nasty to her. I am sure she has enough going on without getting some nasty responses. What makes people think that just because a child is 14 and pregnant that they should just give their baby up? I am sure there are young moms that are not good moms but I am sure alot of young moms are good moms. I think if you play you can pay. What is done is done, now she will have to grow up real quick and take responsibility. I think when teens get pregnant this young they need to learn that it's not so easy and take responsibility for their actions. Whether that is getting whatever job they can at that age, etc. No it's never gonna be easy but you have to do what you have to do to take care of your child. I also get sick of hearing people use the I pay for them to be on state aid excuse. You know what, whether this girl gets on state aid or not, you will be paying taxes as long as you make enough to pay them. I think that definitely if it were a case of neglect or abuse that the mom should not keep the child, but just because she is 14, who are we to know her exact situation? I know that if it were my dd I would be furious but I would also feel guilty because I hadn't done all I could to not give her a window of opportunity. But she would NOT be giving her baby away. If she did the deed she will take responsibilty. I think any good mother would see to that. I am not saying it's her parents or his parents responsibility but c'mon at 14 we are responsible for our children when they are not yet adults. This is JMO. No, I'm not a single teen mother either. I am a happily married for almost 10 years 32 year old mom of 3 w/ 1 one the way and my dh works his butt off. Just to get that out of the way. But the point is, we can give our opinions without being so nasty to her. I'm sure she gets enough of that...she will just need to learn what the adult world is like at an early age.