major anxiety over twins

[Ombeline]

I'm just having one of those days where I feel overwhelmed with panic about being pregnant in general and especially about being pregnant with two babies at once. I guess I've read too many books about all the risks of carrying multiples and I'm still freaked out by the subchorionic bleeding I've been having. I've been following my sister's pregnancy and all her struggles to keep from having her twins way too early. I've also met or heard about too many families whose twins or multiples were severely premature, had things like TTTS, did not survive or spent months or even years in the hospital and had life-long problems. Everyone probably feels like this when they think about the risks: I'm not strong enough to lose another pregnancy and have to start over, and I cannot bear the thought of seeing my children suffer like that. I don't mean to be depressing. I'm really trying to get a hold of myself and be optimistic. Just needed to vent because people keep telling me how lucky I am to have all the benefits of two pregnancies with only the inconveniences of one.

[big-mouth-burgher]

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. You'll be fine and remember that you are never given more than you can handle.

[Ombeline]

I'm sure you're right. I'll try to remember that most of the things that are scaring me are totally out of my control now that I've taken this plunge.

[EmnNatesMom]

Ombeline, how far along are you? My babies were born at 26.3 wks gestation and they had no problems once they got out of the NICU (71 days for my son, 76 for my daughter)...I know, we're among the lucky few. I don't really remember much of their first 18 months, after that, it's like a light went on and it started being more fun. I was going to give you some words of wisdom, but being from a family with twins, I'm sure you've heard your share already. I will tell you this though, something that got me through some rough times, a mom of older twins came up to me one day and told me "God only give twins to those of us that can handle it". Good luck, and God bless!

[Ombeline]

Tiffany, I'm only just past the 10 weeks G mark, as far as I know (first real ultrasound will tell me more next week), so we three still have a long way to go together. They seem to be sharing a placenta (identical??) but I wonder if two placentas might have fused.

Actually, I'll take all the words of wisdom I can get! I know nothing at all about raising twins so I'd love to hear from experienced moms like you. The fraternals in the family were my mother's cousins, my great-grandparents and other slightly distant relations, no one I grew up around. I never dreamed of having twins and it's a weird coincidence for my sis and me. Hers are B/G and I'm hoping mine are, too, but I already love them, whatever they are.

I'm starting to get used to the idea of carrying twins and I wouldn't want to "send one of them back" for anything in the world, but I had a week or two of panic while I digested the news.

The logistics will be complicated because we live in a teeny one-room apartment, don't have any close friends nearby and family is a 12-hour (and expensive) flight away. But that part doesn't worry me too much. We'll learn to be parents as we go along, and we'll manage. I just want to get them here safely.

That's such a long separation from your babies! But I'm delighted to hear that they are OK in spite of being born so early. I'll tell my sister about them to cheer her up. I guess she's doing well. She's been on bed rest since, well, forever and hospitalized since they were almost born at 27 weeks. Amazingly, she's made it to almost 30 (with the help of lots of medical intervention) and it looks like both kids have grown to about 4 lbs. She was admitted to labor and delivery last night, totally effaced and dilated, and it looks like it may be any minute now. I'm waiting for the phone to ring to tell me I'm an aunt again, twice!

I'm just praying for them to be healthy. If anything goes wrong, I'll be heartbroken for her and my BIL and, of course, even more worried about my own two. But at this point I think they should be OK.

Take care and thanks for your kind wishes! I look forward to learning more from you.

[craftyashley]

Try not to worry too much. Most twin pregnancies do have complications, but mine is a success story! I had 2 mos. bedrest, toxemia, hyperemesis and gestational diabetes. And the girls had undiagnosed TTTS. We made it to 36 weeks. The girls were brilliantly healthy and have been ever since. (they're 3 now) They went home with me- no time in the NICU. They are always on the small side (lower 5%), but other than that, they're perfect!
I worried I wouldn't be able to handle it- and now I have a newborn son! Life isn't always sunshine and roses around here (mommy loses her sanity quite often) but I really look back on my twin pregnancy and think sheesh! I wish I would have calmed down a tad! Everything turned out fine!

[Ombeline]

Ashley, I've been wondering how you were doing since you posted that you were going in for a c-s the next day. All recovered? How's the baby? Are his big sisters adjusting well?

Time sure flies. I'm at 30 weeks now and on strict bedrest and meds for a shortening cervix. It's just the weight of the two babies that's causing more contractions than my womb can handle at this point. Other than that, I am so lucky and my twin pregnancy is going really well. They're not identical, as the first ultrasound suggested: a boy and a girl, in fact! They're growing beautifully (even on the big side for singletons, and they're kicking me black and blue and giving me bad sciatica) and I can't wait to meet them. But I need to hang on for 6 more weeks. 36 seems to be the magic number for all the take-homers I know of.

My big sis miraculously made it to 36 weeks with her twins. She had a horrendous delivery, almost died and is still recovering now, can't have any more kids, and didn't get to meet them for a week after they were born, but they were fabulously healthy from the start and are just delightful and beautiful (but their parents look pretty wiped out). Seeing them makes my own impending motherhood real to me.

Bedrest sucks but I get a prize at the end so I can totally do this. My husband and I are already talking about the next pregnancy! We both agreed it would be a tiny bit of a let-down to find out we were having "only" one baby next time.

[craftyashley]

Ombeline- you make me laugh! It will be a HUGE relief to find out it's only one next time! lol (it was for me, anyway!)

As for me- baby is healthy, doing pretty good! I am finally healing up- it's just different the second time around. The girls are slowly adjusting to a life where they have to share the spotlight. They love and adore baby, but take out their frustrations with the change on me and each other. There's been a lot more yelling and time outs in our house. I pray this abates as the months keep ticking by.

About having twins: I am sure your sis looks quite exhausted! I had an easy delivery, so I can't even imagine how a rough one would have gone. Just keep in mind you will be going into survival mode until the babies reach a few milestones 1) sleeping through the night, 2) start a scheduled nap routine 3) turn one year old. Not necessarily in that order. Having one baby has opened my eyes to just what little sleep I got with the twins. But since they were my first, I didn't know any different and I was pretty dang happy anyway. I was exhausted, but the challenge of whole thing made me feel like superwoman when I would make it through the day... or just the afternoon even...

Wishing you lots of luck! Bedrest is the worst- I suggest taking up a hobby. I tried knitting (and failed miserably) so I moved on to watching the boxed sets of Grey's Anatomy over and over again. That show is quite re-watchable.

[dmm6756]

I carried my twins to term (38 weeks), no major complications and no bed rest. I worked until a day before my induction. The labor wasn't bad, I think I went 30 hrs or so and the epidural stopped working so I delivered without pain meds only local for the 2nd baby as I tore my huha and it was hurting as you can imagine. The second baby had the umbilical cord around her neck I think once but other than that I had a good pregnancy, labor and delivery. They came home with me, a bit jaundice but that went away soon enough.

It's funny you are talking about another baby, you crazy? No offense, but I cant imagine having another one.

The first 6 months will be the hardest but once they settle in their rutine you will follow. Once you are in the situation you will handle it the best you can. I was a wreck the first few months and now they are being active and smiling and doing all the precious things babies do.

Goodluck with everything and dont stress.

D.

[Ombeline]

Thanks for the encouragement, ladies. I'm out on parole this weekend after a hospital stay. It seemed like the twins would be born last Monday night, but I was only at 31 weeks and I was pretty scared... They let me go home for a while because things had been stable for a while and I live practically across the street from the hospital and a midwife will come every couple days to check things out. Just trying to keep them in for a while longer now. I'm still hoping for 36 weeks but I'll be grateful for whatever I get at this point.