Kids or Spouse: Who do you love more?

[Jessica at Parenting.com]

Ouch! Tough one, right?

But since this is the True Confessions board...when in Rome.

So, reply to this message and let us know -- who's really at the top of the list? Your quote could end up in a future issue of the magazine!

[Amilianna]

I don't know - to me this question is a bit silly. I love them both equally. Does this mean my love for my two girls is the same as my love for my husband? Of course not. In fact, my love for my eldest daughter isn't the same as my love for my youngest. Each is different and special in it's own way - that special bond that I only share with that other person. It is neither lessened by my love for anyone else, nor comparable to said love. It's cliche, but it's like trying to compare apples and oranges to me.

Sometimes I might *like* someone over another, but I don't know that that has any bearing on the situation. In fact, there was a beautiful segment in a Parenting Magazine a while ago that said it so beautifully. It was talking about "favorites" in your children. The author said that liking one child over the other was natural - and that your preference would flip and flop as phases came and went (or as one child decided to behave while the other acted the tiny terror!). But why shouldn't this be applied to all types of love? In my mind love, at it's basest form, is all the same. It all comes from that same emotion inside of you. Me loving my husband, or my children, or my own mother and siblings or even my brand new baby nephew doesn't diminish my capacity to love others and to attempt to compare them would be to insinuate that one love must be "lesser" to another - that it must, in some way, be diminished by that other love.

Do I love my husband any less today than the day we married merely because we now have children for me to also give my love to? Of course not. In fact, I find that I like him all the more for being able to share with him these other people whom we both love.

But, that is just my opinion on the issue, of course.

[Saphira]

I don't have a spouse, but if I did... I think Amilianna hit it on the head.

To actually love one more than the other [when speaking of your spouse and children], is silly. What is your child if not half of the person you married anyhow?

[famvangurp]

I love my kids and my spouse equally. That being said, my love for them is different. My children definitely have my unconditional love and my husband has my deep, intimate love. But my daughter could say it best, "Who do you love more, your mom or your dad. That's silly! I love them both!"

[hardworkinmama]

I agree with the other ladies, you can't answer this question. I love my husband in a way that I will never love another person, the type of love that is only felt between a husband and wife. I love my son in a way that all mothers love thier sons, unconditionally and forever. I mean you may as well throw in our parents with this question as well. I love my parents in the way that kids see thier parents as superman and superwoman (no matter how old you get they still seem to be pretty super). So, I think what you will get for your magazine is that women love thier children and their spouse the same amount but in completely different ways.

[craftyashley]

I love my kids more. Not to say I don't love my husband. But let's say if the scenario was saving either my husband or my kids from a burning building, my kids would win out every time... and I think my hubby would be ok with that.

[allisonb]

I totally agree with other posters in that the love that I have for my husband vs. my daughter are completely different kinds of love, but I also agree with craftyashley that if forced to choose one or the other to save from a burning building I wouldn't hesitate to choose my daughter. I'm pretty sure my husband would do the same. And, just to let everyone know, I absolutely LOVE my husband. He is a wonderful father and husband and I am a better person for having him in my life.

[tamaratnt]

Easy question - I definitely love my daughter more. The love I have for my daughter is all-encompassing, intense, and vibrant; perhaps if DH was a better DH he would have a bigger share of my heart. I don't think it is possible to have a deeper love than what I feel for my child.

[lou]

as others here have pointed out, it's not about which do you love more, it's about how you love each of them. the love I have for my son is deep, unconditional, true, the love for my husband is deep and true, but it is conditional. there are things he could do that would make me stop respecting and loving him. I don't think there's anything my son could ever do to stop me from loving him.

[kheyen611]

In reading the comments of those who say they love their children more, I am utterly shocked. With out that man, whom I can honestly say I hope you love passionately and deeply enough to have create a child with him, there would be no child! I am glad to see the comments about the love being "different" therefore not loving one over the other, outweigh those who say they love their children more. For me, yes, I love my daughter so incrediably much, that sometimes it surprises me that this little person holds so much of my love. That being said, however, it DOES NOT diminish my love for my husband in the slightest. This is the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with, the one person that I trust enough to embark on the incrediable journey of parenthood with. How could that not infact, make my love for him swell and grow? I love my daughter as her mother, but I love my husband as his wife. Two completely different and seperate parts of my life that come together to make up who I am as a person. In the end your children will leave you. From day one that is what you are raising them in preperation for. After they are gone the one person that will remain is your husband. So love him, not more, but differently and respect that love for what it is!