For someone who is trying to conceive or who has spent the last few years, months, or days longing for a child it seems they are in a world surrounded by babies. In fact they find it hard to think about anything other then babies. Sure you walk around with a smile on your face, you go to work, hang out with your girlfriends and go about your general day with no one being able to see the desperation for a child that is gathering over your head similar to the dark clouds that gather before a rain. Being a single mom by choice who doesn't seem to have a choice where to find a father, seeing a baby sometimes is often as painful as seeing that ex-boyfriend who cleans up well and always manages to snag a woman half your age and/or size.
I know for me I eat, breath, sleep babies. I see them in the store and have to try to resist the urge to lay down in the fruit isle and curl up into a ball and cry. I have been searching for a father for my yet to be conceived child for some time now, and let me tell you it's like trying to find a brown button among a beach full of sand. Most men shutter at the thought of a child, so it's understandable that they look at you crazy when you suggest they help you concieve a child. They call you obsessed, crazy, or selfish. I tend to call it being a woman.
It wasn't until I hit my late twenties that the thought of wanting to be a mother crossed my mind. By that time I had used up all my girlish looks on going no where relationships and all the men my age were either married, gay or not looking to settle down at the moment. So I was left with no boyfriend, no husband, no kids and a biological clock that was now digital and seem to follow me around blinking irratatingly in my face. Ok, I know my eggs are still there but even I can hear them in there rattling around like little chick peas as I walk.
So here I am searching through out the streets of my home town, searching at clubs, bars, gas stations and even the post office for a handsome face that would walk up to me and say, Hi I would like a child can you help me. Hey, a girl can dream right? Until that day I am forced to post ads and go to clinics and wonder why I couldn't be like one of those woman who are walking around with children spilling out of strollers and caravans. Am I infertile, single and hoping for the best? Maybe. Do I still deserve to be a mother? Yes. Will I give up on being a mother? No.
In fact I have a date this weekend. He seems really nice, and kind and as we eat dinner and chit chat over a bowl of soup I will no doubt sniff out a baby some where in the resturant and spend a major part of the date looking over his shoulder at it. While he speaks I will no doubt be thinking in my head cunning ways to trap him into fatherhood. I will give him a hug at the end of the date and go back home ALONE and get on the net and see if someone replied for my ad for a sperm donor. Someone who doesn't look like a prison convict or reminds me of one of my uncles. Of course there will be none, so I will still curl up on the sofa with one of my parenting magazines and circle baby names. I want to be a single mom but choice, but right now I am just a single woman and hopefully one day that will change.
Am I the only single woman or just a woman in general who gets frustrated sitting around waiting for the "stork" to finish his lunch and come bring me a bundle of joy?
Last edited by allthingznew; 10-06-2009 at 02:21 PM.
Well i'm not single i'm married and i have been married for 2 years.i no how you fill about tryn to have a baby because i fill like that everyday.sometimes i just fill like i don't wont to be in this world cause i'm haven so many problems getting pregant.i have went to doctors and they can't figure out why i'm not getting pregant.so me and my husband is so fed up with trying we decieded we are gonna try in-vitro.what i'm trying to say is i no how you fill when you wont a baby so bad. Well i wish you all tha luck and i hope you get what you wont..
Im so ready to be a mom. Try working with babies...I work with children so I see them nine hours straight everyday! Wish I could take em home and love em myself, lol. I get asked all the time 'do you have children?' and sadly my reply is still 'no..not yet'
Urg... its frustrating at times! Being godmother to my bestfriend's two girls will have to do for now....