Scared of being a bad mom

[katielynn]

I've been married for almost two years and definitely feel the urge, but I have a really complicated relationship with my own mother. I am terrified of making the same mistakes she made, and worried that my own child will have all sorts of self-confidence issues later in life (like I do).

How do you know that you won't make the same wrong choices?

[Jakesmom]

I was worried I would make the same mistakes as my father.. You just have to trust in yourself that if you know what to watch out for and how to avoid it. It's all within your control. People don't automatically turn into their parents.. it's just what's easiest because they know it so well.
Take solace in your partner. If you both love each other genuinely and know what you want to become and don't want to become as parents.. I'm sure you'll do a great job. Having concern now shows me that you really want to be a great Mom.
This child doesn't even exist and they have a Mom who's worried so much about them.
You'll do just fine.

[AAS2007]

Just the fact that you are already looking at yourself and the issues says something about you. I am not sure what the mistakes were that your mother made, but since you can recognize them as mistakes you will most likely not make these same mistakes. You may even overcompensate to make sure this doesn't happen. No one is perfect right off the bat at parenting and we all learn as we go. I would say if you are dealing with a lot of baggage from your childhood you may want to see a therapist who can help you work through it. If not then I wish you luck and make sure to take care of yourself first and your self-worth will follow.

[Casalinga]

I think most of us have complicated relationships with our mothers. In fact, when you have your first child I think you begin to forgive your mother a little for things that you are holding against her because you see how tricky parenting can be.

She made mistakes and you are conscious of them so you can try to "behave your way to success" LOL, as good old Dr. Phil says. But you'll make your own mistakes - we all do.

If you have a daughter, read Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher to help her grow into a self confident young woman you want her to be. I found that it was very helpful.

[mommies rule]

Oh, that's a great idea. Any other books you would recommend? I liked "A Mother's Circle"

[Casalinga]

Oh, that's a great idea. Any other books you would recommend? I liked "A Mother's Circle"

I can't think of any right now. I was just so inspired by http://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophel.../dp/0345392825.

It made me realize that we (probably subconsciously) treat daughters so much differently than the way we treat sons, and in the process girls try to grow up too fast. A 10 year old girl, for example, should be inspired by Amelia Earhart, not Paris Hilton.She should be playing and pretending to be a famous explorer, not texting and pretending to be a pop star.

[mary84]

I think in the back of all of our minds as parents we have that fear of whether or not we are doing something right or wrong. i was only 18 when i had my son and trust me the panic flood gates opened. i was terrified. but i did my best. i read parenting books and magazines, i listened to whatever advice i received and was open-minded. Parenting is the hardest job in the world (Bill Gates' job is easy compared to what we do on a daily basis and yet he gets paid more!) but it is also the most rewarding. if your kids are healthy, happy and lovable i am sure you are doing a great job!