"Our" Pregnancy

i personally hate it when my fiancee says "our" baby or "we're" expecting. i correct him and say no i have to deal with her kicking my ribs and making me cry at every sappy song or movie out there and making me crazy to the point of deep cleaning our house at 2 am, have cravings for hardboiled eggs and cheesecake (yes at the same time) and deal with the braxton hicks contractions and doctors poking around all sorts of places and taking more blood than i can keep track of. but ive also had my mother (who were living with to save money before Emma is born) saying "we're" pregnant or "our" baby or my personal favorite "HER" baby. so i actually pointed out to the 2 of them that untill they start eating how im eating, sitting up flipping thru infomercials at 2 am with me, and helping me clean when im nesting, giving themselves charlie horses, etc etc... then it is my baby, ill share her after she comes out.

you make choices so u deal with them . if your unhappy dont open your leggs and make another child with the dumb ape . you cant place all blame on the one spouse. my brother got married to a nag a woman complanner.im a woman im 31 and i see alot of complanners.you can make your pregnancy. with or with out a man you are carring the bab no one can make you happy you maker yhe choice . id love to read more positive non winning.

I cant believe what a big deal some people make about this topic, if u love ur husband than u should want him to say both of u are expecting hello would u rather him say that its only ur baby and u can deal with it

Personally, I LOVE it when my husband tells people that WE'RE expecting. Since I've been pregnant, I know that his life has become harder than it was before. I've had a hard pregnancy, and it just seems to be getting worse the closer I get. I went from being a very independent person, to being something I don't even recognize anymore. My husband now does most of the cleaning and cooking, on top of working at least 50 hours a week and clearing off our property so that we'll have a place to raise our child. So what if he doesn't experience the aches and pains that I do? In his own way, his world has become just as crazy as mine has. I'd gladly go through every bit of this just to see his eyes light up when he sees the ultrasound pics, or to see him start to cry when, once again, he relizes that in about 13 weeks he's actually going to be a father!!

Men CAN'T be pregnant. It's just a fact. Now we can both be expecting, but he just flat can't be pregnant. With that said, I don't like people to say "we" are pregnant, or call it "our" pregnancy either, because it is simply not true. Maybe it's because I was a school teacher at one time, but that's how I see it. On the other hand, since our husbands do have such an integral part in the process, it is wonderful to include them by saying we are expecting. Or something on that order. I guess we just need to educate the public a little better as to the impossibilities of a pregnant male!

My husband and I enjoy going out for drinks with friends or sitting in the backyard and having some beers. Should he stop drinking while I am pregnant to show support or continue as usual even if I cannot join him?

Hi everyone, this is my first time on the website and would like to ask a question. I'm 6 weeks pregnant (5/15/08) and I got pregnant through IVF. Whats worrying me is that I'm already showing. I look like im 3 months. Is this normal i think its due to all the hormones that are being injected into me but i wanted toknow if anyone experienced anything like this. Thanks again. Oh and this is my first pregnancy.

First of all, that silhouetted image to the left with my name beneath is not a great likeness (more flattering than I deserve)- VACATIONING FOR THE NON-INTEGER FAMILY- It’s not just the two of you any more, it’s somewhere between two and three. The first thing you'll want to do is make accommodations for your wife. After all, 'technically' she is the one that is pregnant. Your role is to porter, cater, humor, and above all, take the blame when things go awry. Remember always, you are responsible for this predicament. The first and last part of the adventure is the travel. Plan ahead and maybe you'll avoid a frantic, mad dash through the airport to catch a flight. I still remember catching one out of La Guardia. A second-tri-mester, suitcase-laden, pregnant sprinter is quite a spectacle , but not one you want chasing you. When you allot travel time, plan on plenty of bladder breaks. On average, one every twenty to thirty minutes can be expected, but understand that they will not be spaced predictably. Seriously, your wifes body physics are different now. Sitting for long periods in a car or on a plane will cause discomforts that normally wouldn’t be an issue. You might even splurge and get her a first class ticket. Remain vigilant throughout the trip and divert all conversations around any discussion of shapes. The “W” words - waddle, walrus, weight, and Winnebago - are to be avoided at all costs. They often prompt unanticipated emotional outbursts. Always agree with her, but not too much. Prepare yourself for travelers, taxi drivers and panhandlers that want to share their own stories of pregnancy and child-rearing. Your wife’s condition is an open invitation for social discourse with people with whom you would not normally interact. When you arrive at your destination, be prepared for the mother-to-be’s exhaustion/hyper energy cycles. They will consistently be one-hundred, eighty degrees out of phase with your own. She’ll be past exhaustion at one moment, and ready for a shopping and sight-seeing bonanza the next. You must try to keep up. And don’t complain or feel sorry for yourself. Remember, you are to blame. Dispense with any ideas of physical romance, you dog. After all, it was that behavior that got you both in this condition in the first place. On the other hand, if she feels amorous, don’t defer, or risk triggering one of those awful “I’m fat and ugly” moments of despair and self-pity. Once you are settled in, planning those day trips requires a bit more forethought. When you choose routes, steer around any that take you past pastry vendors, hot dog stands, taco carts, vending machines, or any other place that hints of food. Finally, on each excursion, allow for two meltdown/recovery cycles - one for you and one for her. Of course, if you need to cut one out, yours is gone. Some simple but often overlooked logistical planning is in order. Know who you’d call and where you’d go in the event of a medical emergency. Have maps and phone numbers at the ready. If you’d taken this vacation a year ago, and missed the last train back from a day excursion, it would be no big deal. You’d just find a room and stay the night. Not so simple now. Those new necessities that you’d wisely packed - the body pillow, the prep-H, the snacks, dot dot dot - are all back at the room. You can enjoy this vacation, but first you must abandon all past memories of wild and spontaneous road trips. Think of this one as a mad-cap adventure with an assortment of companions all rolled into one - an bossy sister, a serene Madonna, a slightly demented grandmother, a competitive eater-in-training, and, most importantly, the soon-to be-mother of your top priority for the next several decades.

You Need To Check This Out: http://thinkingforthefuture.googlepages.com/

Pregnancy equals raging hormones which equals nutcase. Try living with a crazy person that should be on prozac but isn't. Crying for no reason, super-angry for no reason. Getting food or snacks in the middle of the night. Open the window, shut the window 2 mintues later. It is a shared life changing event, each has their own part.

My wife is currently pregnant and I am 25 yrs old. I say our baby because I'm probably more excited about this than my wife is. I'm the one reading all the pregnancy books telling her what she can and can't eat, do and not do, what to expect.... she doesn't really care and thinks that I can do all the research for her. I don't mind, I'm going to be a dad and she's the one that actually has to give birth.

Nice post. The two men who commented though, clearly do not get it. If you think it is hard to deal with someone else's hormones, imagine how your poor wife is feeling having them. No one wants to feel out of control. Also, openning a window and fetching some snacks do not compare to 9 months of feeling crappy, not sleeping, vomiting, constipated, many women have hemorroids, backache, swollen feet, etc.

SUCH a great post! No matter how hormonal a mom-to-be gets, catering to her whims is not nearly as life-changing as what she's feeling inside her and what she has to do to keep her baby healthy. But Rachel, thanks for pointing out the amazing things you get to experience that dads don't.

You have a great point!

We always discussed our baby around here. I don't think the intent of the our pregnancy/our baby thing was to be politically correct about the burden of pregnancy. I think that as we have tried to emphasize the importance of fathers, the addition of that statement was to make them feel included. And by your very words, they are not included. (Continued)...

Men may not have to face the same aspects of the game as women, but they do face some 'burdens' of their own. It's a time of change and challenge for everyone. My husband was sick to his stomach the entire time I had morning sickness, so perhaps they do get some of the physical effects as well.

In my opinion a man does share a woman's feelings/symptoms at a pshychological level during pregnancy. My husband was the one who announced I was pregnant as I was too tensed to test it myself. He attends all my prenatal checkup. He found a fish oil free DHA for me and puts up with my crankiness when I am upset. I think it would have difficult for me without him.

Soooo totally agree with you, Rachel. My husband laughs because I get so annoyed with the title of the show "Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant." Um, no, he isn't. Yes, men are/should be involved in the process, but they will never be able to understand the experience. That's not to minimize their experience, but for them to claim "our" status feels like it minimizes what we go through.

Thank you, Katie! My point wasn't that men don't have ANY role. As I wrote, this is OUR baby, and I’m doing all I can to include my husband. And yes, women are grateful for our partner’s support. But as for the PHYSICAL pregnancy, the woman's role is HUGELY more paramount, obv. Need I mention again that men won't deal with hemorrhoids, vaginal discharge, uncontrollable crying, etc? They have no idea what we go thru-

And I'm surprised the men who commented, no matter how supportive/involved they are, didn't give their wives the credit they deserve for carrying their babies! Men—after the baby is delivered, you can take on as much as you want—there will be plenty for you to do. But while your wives are pregnant, it’s the least you can do to try to cater to their needs, and not to minimize the monumental task they’ve undertaken.

your post sounds just like my life. i have 4 to 6 weeks to go due march 6 but will prob have another c section hes out right now and its almost midnight on a Friday and I'M stuck at home with our 3 year old and about to pop with our second son and I don't even know where he's at I asked him and he wouldn't answer me and then turned off his phone and has the nerve to say were pregnant yeah right