The Project Pregnancy Blog

Nursery, Teepee, Family Bed: What's Your Cohabitation Style?

By Taylor Newman on Thursday, January 21, 12:38 pm EST

I grew up in New Hampshire, and babysat throughout my middle and high school years. Babies there had nurseries, whole rooms outfitted with gliders, ottomans, closets, big wooden cribs, matching changing tables, toy boxes, bookshelves, adorable rugs, décor, and shelving (the shelving!). Far from cramped, those nurseries tended to be organized and luscious. Their lighting was soft and they smelled of freshly-bathed babies.

I babysat in college, too, in Western Massachusetts, where nurseries still reigned but other forms of cohabitation proliferated. I had a standing weekly gig with a family consisting of two moms, two twin boys who'd just begun walking, and a rabbit. They lived in a massive loft space in a renovated factory building, technically a studio but so large that its semi-separated sections definitely felt distinct. A wooden swing hung from the high ceiling, and Christmas-tree lights lined the giant windows; the home had an other-worldly quality. The moms' bed was placed in one corner, and the boys' in another.

Another family (now good friends) in the same town shared a bedroom, in a small and funky house, with their two toddlers; they placed two abutting futons right on the floor, and everyone slept on them together. They'd previously lived in New York, and have since returned. Their bedroom here was set up in the same way until a month ago, when they got a bunk bed and put the kids in a separate room (lemme tell ya - that was one happy mama).

I know another family, in rural Maine, who shares a "family bed." They have a two-year-old and an infant. Neither baby has spent time in a crib. And, a good friend of ours here in the city lived in a teepee with his family until he was two.

New York breeds creativity, especially in the home, where dishwashers are a luxury item, and storage is almost non-existent. Overhead shelving is a saving grace, as is a minimalist sensibility. We live in a four-hundred square foot  "two bedroom" railroad apartment. It's small, but feels spacious when it's not messy. Our bedroom and kitchen, on either end, are large, and there's a small living room, and an office, in between. We've opted to put the baby in the bedroom with us, rather than kick Aaron out of his workspace and take over the office.

We have a crib beside the bed, and a changing table against a wall (its shelves are stocked with canvas storage boxes, which contain the baby's accoutrements). I'll post pictures as soon as I have the artwork up - I'm proud of how organized and cute our setup is! We can roll the crib into the office if we want some time alone. Our baby will need his own room eventually, and I look forward to decorating it, but I figure that for the first stretch it'll be nice to have everyone and everything essential within easy reach.

Do you have a nursery, a teepee, a family bed? Something in-between? Do you ever sleep with your baby in your bed, even if you have a separate crib? I'd love to hear the different ways you've integrated your new, noisy roommates into your lives and homes.


Member Comments
Jess's picture
Jess
We kept our little one in a
1/21/2010 at 2:53 pm
We kept our little one in a bassinet next to our bed for the first few weeks. I breastfed so it made it easy in the middle of the night. I'm intruiged by the variety of ways in which people create baby's and kids' spaces in their homes. Traditional nurseries are great, and so are teepees. My husband is installing a swing in my daughter's room for her second birthday this year. It will be whimsical!


Allyssa's picture
Allyssa
Our son slept in our bed for
1/21/2010 at 3:21 pm
Our son slept in our bed for the first few weeks, not because we wanted him to, but because he wouldn't sleep unless we were holding him. Then, we figured out it was b/c he didn't like the pack and play we had put in our room for him. We moved him to his own crib and his room had a futon in it. For awhile, one of us adults would sleep on the futon with him, next to him...however we could get him to sleep (can you tell we had sleep issues?). My BFF always has her babies sleep with her, but I can't sleep well with someone touching me (including my DH), so co-sleeping just doesn't work well for me. I do it when its necessary, like illness, but it wouldn't work long-term for me. I think you just have to figure out what works best for your family. Everyone is different.


Paula's picture
Paula
Separate bedrooms are wonderful
1/21/2010 at 3:32 pm
We kept our daughter in a bassinet next to our bed for the first three months. As the previous post stated, it was extremely helpful with breastfeeding in the middle of the night. I didn't have to get out of bed. I even put a changing pad on the nightstand next to me and would change the baby during the night in our bed as well. But the baby has her own room with a nice crib (with matching changing table and armoir - thank God for grandparents' gifts). She sleeps in her own room now, and it's a savior to my own rest. While she was in our room, every motion she made would wake me up. Now I can adjust the volume on the monitor so I only hear the necessary noises.


Kimberley's picture
Kimberley
In our room the crib is next
1/21/2010 at 9:58 pm
In our room the crib is next to our bed, but sometimes the baby wakes up crying because he feels lonely so I lay him next to me for the rest of the night. I feel great when he lays next to me because I feel that he's secure, but I also get scared that I might squish him so I spent the night being alert.


DawnH's picture
DawnH
Own Room
1/22/2010 at 2:28 am
Our daughter slept in our room for the first few weeks, but like others have said every noise, snuffle, and coo woke me up. We moved her into her crib and room (which was one step across the landing from our room) at five weeks and everyone was happier. She has always preferred sleeping in her crib and literally won't sleep in bed with us. I do know lots of families who cosleep or have family beds and it works for them. It wasn't for us, but you have to do what you are comfortable with and what works for your family. Good luck - it's getting close!


Co-Sleeping...
1/22/2010 at 7:33 am
We're planning on co-sleeping for a while but this is our first so who really knows how all of that works until you experience it. If that doesn't work out we will try the crib. I like the idea of having the baby close to breast feed and our bed is a king so a co-sleeper in the middle or on one side should fit fine. I wouldn't mind though if the baby preferred sleeping in a crib :o)


AmyRyb's picture
AmyRyb
All about the crib...
1/22/2010 at 11:45 am
From the very beginning I was all for the crib in its own room. Our bedroom really wasn't big enough for anything else anyway, but I knew the baby would wake me up constantly if it was right there so I knew from the start that it would have its room and we would have ours. A baby wakes up enough without having us moving around to wake it up too! I also knew that I didn't want to have to go through the transition from bassinet to crib or from sleeping with company to sleeping alone. Oh, and co-sleeping scares the crap out of me. Too much can go wrong. Long story short, the baby doesn't know any different so I figured it would adjust to whatever we did from the start. Our baby is now 19 months and it all worked out rather well. Yes, it's hard to get up some nights to tend to him, and I won't say middle of the night breastfeeding was particularly fun, but it was fine. We still bring him into our bed sometimes if he's not feeling well and we're too tired to stay up to rock him, but I sleep terribly with him there so I'm always eager to take him back to his own crib once he's sound asleep again. Monitors are a great invention, and you can even get ones with cameras now. You control how much you hear, and I think it's a better night's sleep for all!


Sarah's picture
Sarah
Co-sleeper
1/22/2010 at 12:35 pm
We had the Arms Reach mini co-sleeper next to my side of the bed. It was IDEAL, because one side folds down so the baby's bed is essentially flush with your bed. When my son woke up for feeding, I barely noticed. I often just pulled him in to bed next to me, barely having to wake up or sit up to do so, and breastfed. More often than not, he ended up spending the rest of the night in bed next to me, attached to my breast. I absolutely loved it. Many nights, he would fall asleep curled up in a little ball on my chest, and I would sleep with him that way until one or the other of us woke up in the middle of the night. I'm pregnant now with my second and looking forward to that almost as much as everything else! My husband and I LOVED co-sleeping, as we basically never had those 'sleepless nights' that seem so famous for new parents. We co-slept with our son until he was about 18 months, and then moved him to his crib - which is still in our room (he just turned 2). We're working on transitioning him into his own room now before the new baby comes and before he feels like he's just being kicked out to make room for the new kid! There is no reason to fear co-sleeping. Most of the world does it. The important thing is to do it safely, and keep overly fluffy pillows and blankets away from the baby, and to make sure any cracks between the head of the bed and wall/headboard are filled in with pillows or otherwise eliminated. Don't go to bed with your baby if you've had too much to drink or smell of smoke. But other than those precautions, you should safely be able to co-sleep without any issues. As others have said, it isn't for everyone (though I'm still not sure why!), but I recommend giving it a fair shot!


Stephanie's picture
Stephanie
We lived in a 2 bedroom
1/22/2010 at 5:37 pm
We lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse when my son was born. Our bedroom wasn't that big, and it was literally 2 feet from our door to his door, so we opted to put him in the crib from the start. My husband went back to work shortly after our son was born, so I didn't want to disturb him throughout the night. Was it more of a pain for me to get up, sure it was, but I was home for 3 months so I really didn't mind. It's different living in the suburbs than it is living in the city/small apt, etc. You make due with what you have in tight quarters. My mom always says do things right from the start, it will be more of a hassle to fix it later. If a child will eventually have to sleep in his own bed, than put him there from the beginning. If he gets used to sleeping in your bed, he will only want to sleep in your bed. Childhood friends of ours had a daughter (only child) who always slept in their bed. They finally forced her to sleep in her own bed when she was 10. The transition wasn't easy, it was every night getting up and putting her back into her own bed after she crawled into bed with them. This went on for weeks. Babies/kids get used to a routine almost immediately. When you think you're doing something to make it easy for the baby and think it's only short term, just think it might go on for longer and it's going to take more time to change it to the way you'd like. Personally I don't trust myself with having an infant sleeping next to me. You hear stories about babies getting suffocated by parents rolling over on them or accidentally putting blankets over their face. Too scary, it just wasn't for us. However, everyone is different and you need to do what works best for you and your family.


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
We tried the pack n play
1/22/2010 at 10:52 pm
We tried the pack n play next to the bed method when our daughter was first born and it didn't go so well. Very early on I began just sleeping with her on my chest (she was tiny) after breastfeeding and she slept there most of the night in between nursing sessions. At about 4 weeks she went through a colicky spell and one night I ended up in our guest bedroom queen bed and just laid her beside me and she slept like a rock and so did I. For the first year, she slept half the night in her crib and then half the night with me in the guest bed. I was able to nurse and sleep very nicely and to this day- I sleep my best when she is in my bed. Now she only sleeps in our bed when she is sick and I want to be closest to her, but I still feel very comforted by the fact that she is right there (even at age 3!) Our daughter was completely transitioned to her own crib by the time she was 12 months and it was not a hard process. Co-sleeping was a fabulous experience. My husband didn't love that I slept across the house some of the night, but once he started calculating the sleep we WERE getting as opposed to NOT getting- it was a win-win situation!


Candice's picture
Candice
sleep
1/23/2010 at 9:45 pm
Before I had my daughter I was really open to co-sleeping. But now that she's here it scares me to death. I'm so exhausted that I've had really realistic dreams that I've fallen asleep while nursing her in bed and that I've lost her under the covers. After having woken up terrified and frantically searching under blankets, she now consistently sleeps in a bassinet next to my head. I think that she sleeps deeper in her own space, which means more sleep for me. Maybe co-sleeping will happen someday, since becoming a mother, I've learned to never rule anything out, but for now everybody sleeps in their own bed.


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
co sleeping
1/24/2010 at 6:15 pm
I love co-sleeping. I co-slept with my daughter and I am currently co-sleeping with my 3 month old son. It is the best way for me to be close for breast feeding and for any other issues that come up at night. I want to wake up if my baby needs me. Those stories about parents rolling over on their children are generally about parents on some kind of substance or they are obese. Lots of infants have terrible things happen in cribs as well. And by the way, my daughter is one of the most independent children I have ever seen. The security she felt from our parenting has helped her to know that she can take chances and move through the world knowing that we are always near by.


Wisconsin mom's picture
Wisconsin mom
The family bed: culture and comfort
1/25/2010 at 7:47 am
My almost-three-year-old son sleeps between me and my husband in our bed. We have had a crib and a toddler bed, just in case, and he never slept in either. We have chosen co-sleeping because of a few reasons, and it's really working for us! My husband is from Ethiopia and really can't imagine sending his young child to a different room in the house to sleep, especially in the cold Midwestern winter. He and I work opposite shifts, he the night shift, so my son and I fall asleep together in our bed after a routine of brushing teeth, reading 3 books and telling a story to one another. This gets me to bed at a decent hour, and he and I both truly love the routine. My son now has a twin bed in his bedroom that he will transition to when he is ready. We spend time on his bed in the daytime reading and playing and, as with potty training, the time will come when he is ready. But we are in no hurry!


Tampa Mom's picture
Tampa Mom
Co-sleeper
1/25/2010 at 10:34 am
We have a co-sleeper that our 2 month old starts the night out in. When he wakes up to breastfeed, he will spend the night in our bed afterwards. I love sleeping with him--I think he feels secure and seems to sleep better when I am holding him.


roni 's picture
roni
my daughter slept w/ me and
1/28/2010 at 3:17 pm
my daughter slept w/ me and my husband untill she was 4 months old. usually on my chest because i read that co-sleeping could reduce chances of colic so thats what we did. it worked for us and she wouldnt sleep in her bassanet anyway, but when we transfered her to her crib at 4months we had no problem. we think the co-sleeping helped alot and we plan to continue that w/ later children.


dadoftwins7132009's picture
dadoftwins7132009
Our twin boys (now 6 1/2
1/28/2010 at 3:34 pm
Our twin boys (now 6 1/2 months, born 7/13/09) started in their own bassinets on each side of our bed. When they reached the 15 pound weight limit, they moved to their cribs in their room.


Renee's picture
Renee
1 Bedroom
1/28/2010 at 4:42 pm
We rent the basement apartment of a house and only have 1 bedroom. We decided to share the bedroom, but soon found out neither my husband nor I could sleep in the same room as our little one. Any tiny noise he made woke us up. Since then we moved our bed into our huge living room and have it set up more like a studio apartment. Our son get the bedroom all to himself and it works out great. He actually won't fall asleep anywhere but in his own crib. While sometimes I regret not being able to co-sleep, I do enjoy having my own sleeping space with my husband.


Danae's picture
Danae
Slept in our room for first 6 months, but in own space...
1/28/2010 at 11:21 pm
When my daughter was first born we had friends renting our room from us while they found a house for themselves. Because of this our daughter slept in our room, but in her own bed. We tried having her start out in her crib, but I think the space was just too huge for her (they look really small in a full size crib in the beginning!) and she didn't sleep well. So, we caved and got a bassinet...why we didn't in the beginning I will never know! She slept wonderfully in it and I was able to have it right by my side and had easy access to her for breastfeeding. She slept in there for a few months and then we moved her to her crib with no problems. At 6 months our friends moved out and we were able to move her to her own room.

We didn't think it would make that big of a difference as she was already sleeping through the night and in her own crib, but I had no idea how many times I had been waking up to hear her at night. That first night was bliss for both me and my husband...I slept better then I had in ages. You get trained to hear every noise as a mom, especially if you breastfeed, so I think for me not having her in our room was a blessing.

For our next child we will do the bassinet next to the bed (can't beat the convenience), but will move him or her to their own room when time for the crib. Never co-slept as I have family friends who lost their baby to this and they were not on anything (substance abuse or alcohol) or overweight...just extremely exhausted parents with a colicky baby. So NOT worth the risk. We used no baby bumpers either until in crib and then only use the breathable bumpers and she started using blankets at 11 months (when it started to get cold enough for the need for them). She is now almost 15 months and an awesome sleeper (12+ hours every night).


Michelle's picture
Michelle
co-sleeping
1/29/2010 at 9:51 am
Ok, so I actually live in NH, and was a nanny for nearly 10 years. I swore when I was planning my pregnancy that I would NEVER co-sleep. Well, on about day 3 home from the hospital the lactation nurse told me on our phone check about side-lying nursing positions. That was it! My little one was belly to belly, skin to skin, with me in bed for all naps and overnights. It was amazing because I could almost sleep through the night because she'd just root around and nurse when she was hungry all on her own! We've got more space than anyone could want, and yet all 3 of us slept in our bed until she was 6-7 months old. Then we transitioned to her crib in the nursery, which proved to leave me completely exhausted for the next 6 months of not sleeping through the night. I'm glad we had the bonding experience of nursing and co-sleeping, but I'm glad we transitioned early enough that the bedtime routine was well-established pretty quickly. Now my little 2yo angel is in a big girl bed and she merrily snuggles in and sleeps for bed time and nap time! Life is good! Enjoy your baby...they grow up so quickly!


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