How do you feel about finding out the sex of your baby?

I didn't. I figured that it didn't matter either way the first time around because we'd be happy either way, so why not do it the old fashioned way and wait until the end? I'm not a big fan of surprises either, but this time around it just seemed like the right thing to do. Next time, however, I will need to know. Part of it is practical--that if we find out it's the opposite gender we'll have to get some new stuff--but the other half is emotional. I love my little boy more than words can express, but I would love to have a girl. And if it's not a girl next time, I'll need some time to emotionally deal with that before the child is sitting in my arms. I'd obviously love another boy just as much, but having a little girl would just be different. And if it's not going to happen, I'd rather mourn the concept beforehand so my disappointment isn't interfering with the care of a new baby. I do think the surprise will be great whenever it happens, though, so I don't blame people who need to know one bit. The one benefit to not knowing, though? You don't get inundated with clothes instead of stuff you really need. When people know I think they're more likely to buy pink or blue clothes as opposed to the boring gender-neutral stuff you NEED to take care of a baby. I've heard a lot of finder-outers complain about that, but we hardly had any clothes until he was born. And that was fine with me because he lived in onesies for weeks anyway!

I found out the sex of my son so I didn't end up with a bunch of neutral stuff. I find it annoying when people see a baby and ask, "Is it a boy or a girl?" Besides, I agree with you Erin that it is just as much a surprise to find out early.

We found out the first time. And I had to admit there was a bit of a let down. Not because we were disappointed we were having a boy but because up until that point there were two versions of the baby in our heads and we had to let one of them go. When we have another child I do not think I want to find out. I had a relatively easy 6 hour unmediated labor (by choice). I think not finding out the second time around will give me more incentive to stay focused during labor something to look forward to, well other than the baby.

In our opinion, having to wait 20 weeks was downright painful. We were counting down the hours until the sonogram appointment. They usually wait until the end of the exam to tell you, and we were both like, "Yeah, yeah -- brains, heartbeat, bones ... get to the you-know-what!" In fact, the *second* the tech put the camera on my belly, my husband was all, "What is it?! What's the sex?!" The tech was laughing at us. We must have looked like two kids on Christmas morning. It was such a great day! Plus, it was really nice to be able to refer to our baby by name for the last half of my pregnancy. For us, it just added another layer of bonding.

We found out at 20 weeks. When I was pregnant with my daughter she was turned the wrong way and we didn't find out until week 37. It was torture! It's so nice to be able to call him a "him" instead of an "it". Plus we had enough time to agree on a name and I hated dressing my daughter in green and yellow all the time. She had no hair so we got a lot of "He's so cute!"

I am totally a need to know person. I could hardly even deal with waiting 20 weeks....went to the paint store to pick out swatches for a boy's room and a girl's room right after the first trimester, and I think I went back and bought the paint at 20 weeks, 2 days!

Um... I will be there jumping up and down at 20 weeks wanting to know..It is just as big as surprise than as it would be at 40 weeks, but I do not like surprises. Plus if it's a girl I will need that time to pretend to like that icky baby pink!! My mom says wait until it's born it's a surprise, so I told her I wouldn't tell her what it was and she said, no thanks haha..

I was going to wait with Andrew but after having so many sonograms at the end when I became high risk I figured we might as well find out. I had already had my shower though so all of his baby stuff was neutral. With Gregory I found out the second I could. The Dr. even guessed at his 12 week that it was a boy. I wanted to know if I was going out and buying pink or going through the bags of clothes in my attic!

I think my husband and I will wait whenever we get pregnant. We've personally known several people who have found out, only to have the doctor be wrong. One even had told the name and had received cross-stitched gifts with the names, etc. only to have the boy they thought they were having come out a girl. My husband and I also personally get annoyed with people constantly talking to the belly calling the child by name before it's born, but could be just us. :)

Erin, I'm with you. I couldn't wait to find out. I wanted to see everything else first - normal heart, spine, brain, etc... but then I totally wanted to know. I had an unplanned (but definitely desired) pregnancy and felt that so much was out of my control and unplanned... that I needed to be able to plan for the sex. I thought it was nice becauuse then I could start calling him "a him" and not "it."

I wish they would include the sex on the pregnancy test! I had to know and totally agree, it's a big surprise at 20 weeks and makes the last 1/2 bearable. I think it helped me bond more. I found out for my son (now 4) and my twin son and daughter (2 in Nov). I was obsessive about finding out. I feared that they would have their legs crossed at my 20 week appt. I begged them to check at my 16 week appt. I had to know and figure if they have that technology, why wait. It was suprising enough for me on labor day (both c-sections). I was a mom and they were actually going to let me take them home! :) I also agree, I understand why people don't want to find out, but for me, it's a must!!

I found out with both of my boys. I think it would be fun to not know until the birth, but who really wants to go shopping for all the things that you will need in pink or blue with a brand new baby? Not I. I think if I had one boy and one girl already I would save it for the birth. You would be prepared with hand-me-downs and such. And, if I end up having baby #3 and it turns out to be a girl, after having two boys, I am going to totally "pinkify" the baby room and I will love every minute of it!!

I'm about as impotent as a teeny bopper girl waiting to see Robert Pattison, but somehow I let my husband and many other family members talk me into waiting. "Oh, you'll be so happy you waited!" "It will be the surprise of a life time!" "Who cares if it's a boy or a girl?" After going through the experience I can safely say, we should have found out at the 20 week mark. Waiting was pure agony. When my daughter arrived everyone asked me if I was happy I waited and I could safely say tell them my answer. "No. Waiting was pointless. And if necessary when the next one comes around I'll make them search all day to tell me if I'm having a boy or a girl."

My OB does the u/s at 18 wks & i couldn't imagine even waiting longer than that. I did do it somewhat for the nursery b/c I did boy nursery's both times but also just for the simple fact that I HAD to know who was in there. We decided on a name a week later & that's who "he" was for the next 5 mths it was great & when they came out both times it was like "oh you're carter/mason" it was awsome.. the surprise of knowing what they look like/etc is enough for me as is labor itself I need to know something to get through the pregnancy!

Hi Erin, hi gang! It's Susan, Parenting's editor-in-chief. I'm so happy to have Erin blogging for us. I couldn't wait with my first child. I was so nervous about everything that I wanted as much info as I could have. I had an amnio with my first, so I found out even before the big 20-week sonogram. With my second, I wanted to see what it was like to be surprised. This may sound freaky, but as the editor of Babytalk for 9 years and now Parenting, I relished having different experiences with the two different kids (and boy did I ever--from a really easy and quick first labor to an induced, all-day affair). I knew I'd be happy with either gender but secretly wanted a girl since I already had a wonderful little guy. And when after that long day the nurse cried out "It's a girl", I cried my eyes out. My Darcy Nanette wound up being born on the anniversary of my mother Nanette's death. And they are so similar--stubborn, super-smart, exhausting, and hilarious. Some spiritual passing of the torch happened that day for me. So I'm glad I got to have it both ways!

So cool! Susan Kane! I'd ask for your virtual autograph, but seeing as chat rooms are a little short on the autograph feature... :-) JK. To the blog: I can't stand the color yellow. Find out the gender beforehand, all the way!!! Yeah...

I agree that the excitement was the same at 20 weeks. For us, even though we wanted to find out, we got to extend the excitement. Our tech gave us "it's probably a girl". Every time we went for another u/s that was the first question we asked. I was so psyched it was a girl since no one in either of our families had a girl first. Plus, my sister wanted to know if she should hold on to the hand-me-downs or give them away!

I didn't know on my first one. (and won't know on the one I'm currently pregnant with either) Mostly because I wanted to be old fashioned. But because I did want the surprise at the end as well. I loved having two sets of names picked out, and seeing if my intuition was right (and it was). I told everyone NOT to get my anything in yellow or green and if that meant that had to wait to send a gift than so be it. I found plenty of neutral bedding sets that were not dominated in either of those colors. And, my best friend and mom knew the sex, so I had a few gender oriented clothing items all ready for me. (i had the tech write down the sex on two pieces of papers, but it in an envelope and I went straight to the post office and mailed it off) Either way, though, I think is perfectly fine. For whatever reason. Some love the planning and decorating, some the surprise; the reasons are endless. What matters most, in the end, is that baby and momma are healthy.

Hi Erin. Im a 20 yr old female living with CML. Your story has inspired me so mch because I want 2 have a family n always thought of the whatifs also!! Bt doing research I found your story 2 lead me 2 face my fear!! I want children n so does my fiance! I trust n God n have faith enough 2 kno Ill be ok!! So Im gonna give it a shot!! Talk it over with my lovely Dr. n go frm there!! Im most afraid nw of how STUPID my family is gonna say I am!! But they dont undrstnd!! They have there families..n I want mine!! What should I do about that!! Will u kindly email me bck with your answer!! Thnks

Swacely, I think the most important thing is to talk to your doctor and perhaps other doctors and make sure having a family makes sense with your health....the good thing is you are very young so you have time! I was in remission for five years before I stopped taking Gleevec to have Alex. People will always say you're crazy but if you've done your research and you have your doctor's blessing, you can't let it bother you. We are in an amazing time for CML patients where anything seems possible. Good luck. Thanks for reading! E

I couldn't wait and won't with the next one either, but I really really wanted a girl and the tech told us it was a boy. I was a little bummed, but it was my first baby so I didn't really care. However, I only had that one ultrasound the entire pregnancy b/c I delivered early and you hear all the stories of the techs getting it wrong, so immediately after my son was delivered, it got really quiet as they worked on the baby, and I asked, "ummm, so what is it?" The doctor said, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought you already knew--its a boy." My husband quickly spoke up and said "she was hoping he came out a girl." LOL! I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE!!!! :-P No harm in checking twice. Ha ha. My husband still brings that up.

I had to know with the first and I have to know with the second. I'm having a very hard time waiting for 20 weeks. I too am of the mind that no matter when you find out, it is still a surprise! I was really expecting a boy with the first and was so glad to find out early it was a girl. It took me about 6 hours to get over the disappointment (yes I felt disappointment) of having a girl instead of a boy. But after those 6 hours I was so happy. I don't even want to imagine how it would have effected me if I had waited. This time I'm not expecting one or the other (I do have a preference), but I am happy that I have lots of time to get used to he or she before they join our family!

I waited with my first and I'm waiting with this one. I love the surprise at the end! I think that if I found out I would tell everyone, and that would also ruin the surprise for other people. I'd have the baby and they'd already know it's a boy named "blank". It wouldn't be as exciting. But I agree that the surprise is the same whether you find out at 20 or 40 weeks. I just love not knowing!

I'm a planner, and not the most patient person in the world, so waiting until 20 weeks was hard enough!! When we found out we were having a boy, although we were very excited, my husband and I realized that we went through a very brief mourning period. In our daydreams about our unborn child, we had envisioned two possible futures - one where we had a little boy, and one where we had a little girl. In that moment, the boy we had pictured became real. But at the same time, we experienced a feeling of loss for the girl we were NOT going to have. I think we would have felt exactly the same if we had found out we were having a girl instead. I am glad we were able to deal with those emotions and then move on to excitement for our little boy's future, long before we ever held him in our arms. We quickly decided on a name, and as soon as we started calling him Henry, we both felt much closer to him, and he became much more real to us.

It was a surprise at 18 weeks. I loved the fact that I could name my baby so early and call him by his actual name. I got to say Hello Dylan.

Finding out the sex of your baby is an individual's choice but I think if we leave it a secret the joy and anticipation is more.It does not matter whether the baby is male or female.Before medical technology like fetal ultrasounds were not discovered parents did not have the chance to find out the sex of the baby.It used to be surprise till the end moment.One needs to be a little patient so that it's a surprise for everyone in the family members too.If one wants to pre decide the name of the child to be born they can think of two names,one for male and another for female child.Again it's an individuals choice if they have to find out the gender due to some future ritual planning one should respect that.

We didn't find out with either of our two pregnancies. The first was a girl, and the second was a boy. It was so much fun to be surprised. I loved the moment that my husband yelled out "It's a girl!" and then three years later "It's a boy!" I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. My only baby shower was for my first pregnancy, and I received all the equipment that I really needed, rather than the pink dresses that surely would have come if I'd known that I was having a girl. I didn't need a shower for my second pregnancy because I already had everything. I detest gender neutral clothing - the colors yellow and green do not go with my children's skin tone at all. Neither of my kids had a problem with the clothes because the "grandma team" went shopping right away and got them girl clothes and boy clothes. (The best part about that - my husband and I got time alone with the new baby while they were shopping!) Since my daughter needed preemie clothes, and my son needed 3-6 month clothes at birth, we were also assured that their clothes would fit and be seasonally appropriate. We also loved being surprised because we didn't have to decide on a name for sure until the baby came along and we could see if the name really fit. I know some people need to know the sex before birth, but for us, it made the pregnancy really fun to play along with the old wives' tales and count down the days until we'd find out boy/girl.