Advice

Dilemma of the week: Big boy bed for Alex before the baby comes? (Plus, my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Halloween…)

By Erin Zammett Ruddy on Monday, November 2, 10:51 am EST

I’ve heard over and over again how you’re not supposed to make any major changes with your first child right before your second one is born. I’m actually using this little gem as my excuse to not potty train Alex in the next two months (we try, he’s done it occasionally but frankly I’m too tired to put in the effort right now). I was also hoping it meant I could keep Alex in a crib for a while. He is a great sleeper, has plenty of room in there, and has never even tried to escape. That is, until this past Saturday. Halloween was a pretty awful day for me, actually. I want to tell you the whole story so bear with me….

At around 1 p.m., Nick and his mom went out shopping while I was putting Alex down for his nap. I'd planned to spend the next 2.5-3 hours relaxing. Not so much. After reading our usual 20 minutes or so of books, I kissed Alex, put him down and left the room. He popped up and started screaming for more books, for me, for Go Diego Go. It is pretty unlike him to protest sleep (it was probably the Skittles he’d been eating all day and the fact that I’d promised him we’d go trick-or-treating when he woke up) so after a few minutes I went back in, read some more, plopped him in his crib, and handed him Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I didn’t have time to deal because the blinds guy was now downstairs fixing our valance, and I needed the kid to nap. I can count on one hand the days of his life where he hasn’t, and it’s never pretty.

Fast forward about 20 minutes. Alex was quiet, the blinds guy left and I started cleaning up the kitchen from lunch. Well, it was a gusty, blustery day here on Long Island and all of a sudden the gazebo we have in our backyard blew 10 feet in the air and came crashing down into the side of the house. It was like a scene out of The Wizard of Oz and I saw the whole thing happen in what seemed like slow motion. I vaguely remember Alex screaming, “Mommy, what was that??!!” but I was too panicked to respond. I just ran outside and then back inside for the phone and then back outside. The blinds guy was still in the driveway so I called to him for help and we got the gazebo off the house. I surveyed the damage -- no broken windows, but a few holes punched in the siding. Argh. I started crying. Then I called my sisters, who were nearby, so they could come over and help me get this thing far enough away from my house so it couldn't wreak any more havoc. (Before they got here I quickly ran inside and listened to Alex's monitor and heard nothing -- score!) I also called Nick, who was at Brooks Brothers of all places, and not nearly as sympathetic to my plight as I wanted him to be. Argh.

When my sisters left, I went back into the house, heart still racing, super pissed about the damn gazebo, and decided I’d better check on Alex. He was still quiet so I assumed he’d just read himself to sleep, but because I’d been outside for a while I wanted to be sure. I tiptoed up to his room and cracked the door. I looked over at his crib and there were all of his blankets but…no Alex. My head spun around the room and…no Alex. I ran to the crib and pressed down the blankets to be sure he wasn’t just lying really flat in there. OMG. My first thought was that the blinds guy took him. My heart literally stopped. I ran out of his room and, I think, screamed, “Alex!!!” but before I could unravel any more, the door to the guest room opened and there he was with a guilty grin on his face. “Hi Mom, I pooped,” was all he said.

So, Alex can now get out of his crib. Which means big boy bed, right? Nick and I are thinking we might be able to eke out a few more weeks in the crib while we get his new room ready (the circumstances surrounding Saturday’s incident were extenuating to say the least…and when we asked him to show us how he got out, he really couldn’t) but I’m nervous. What if he had fallen out and hit his head? What if he walked out the front door while I was in the backyard? What if he ate my mother-in-law’s prescriptions while he was hanging out in the guest room pooping? UGH.

We have a little over two months before the baby comes to get this situation under control. So I need your help: Any tips for the big boy bed transition? Oh, and did your kids climb out of their cribs (and was it this traumatic for you as well)? I don’t think my heart rate has come down yet….

Melissa

That was funny. I can't

11/2/2009 at 11:08 am

That was funny. I can't believe he has gone this long in the crib! Andrew did a back flip out of his before his second birthday. He had a cut all down his spine. We never put him back in the crib because I was sure he was going to kill himself. He could not, however, open his bedroom door until he was about 2 1/2 which worked in our favor. Good luck!!

Janet Hatley

Crib or big boy bed

11/2/2009 at 11:19 am

As far as I can remember (which isn't far these days) is that luckily neither of my kids tried to climb out of their crib. Since my kids are 24 and 21 it's very possible that I don't remember correctly!!!!! I wouldn't worry about it though, because you have a long time to move him after the new baby comes and you have slightly more energy! I found that energy was a hard to come by commodity, but then my kids, 9 times out of 10, wouldn't nap. I am certain of one thing only, that life after children is the most wonderfully tiring and blessedly grand time of our lives! Good luck with "the move" and with your new baby.

Anonymous

Put the Mattress on the Floor?

11/2/2009 at 11:38 am

My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 8 weeks. We tried a big boy bed a few months ago and after a week and a half of hell (our perfect sleeper was suddenly up all hours of the night wandering around!) we sucked it up and bought a second crib for the baby :) Our son is content in his crib and has never tried to escape, but we have friends whose son did manage to climb out earlier than they were ready for him to be in a big boy bed. They put the mattress of the crib on the floor, inside the crib frame (removed the metal springs that the mattress sits on). It only works with certain types of cribs--"convertible" style cribs that have a very low lowest setting. But it's worth a try if that's the kind of crib you have! Don't beat yourself up too bad about him getting out. Our son climbed out of a pack n play at the grandparents house earlier this year. He could have wandered out of the room and fallen down a flight of stairs. I think every parent has one of those stories. Just do your best and learn from every situation :)

Patty

Toddler Bed

11/2/2009 at 11:49 am

Hi, I'm a lurker coming out. Where he isn't potty trained, I would buy a toddler bed -- one of the cheaper ones ($30ish). Changing a big boy bed is a pain in the middle of the night for anyone but especially when you're up with a newborn. I found a toddler bed much quicker to change and he can manage getting in and out quite nicely and don't forget the blankets for twin bed are a lot bigger than the crib ones and you can just use your same bedding as the crib on the bed since it's the same mattress. My first two are 2 years apart and we had to move my son to a toddler bed only weeks before my daughter was born because he climbed out, hurt himself, then would yell when he was stuck balancing on the railing. He was a better sleeper in the bed than his crib. Remember, when you are only 2, weeks are feel like eternity for them. Good Luck -ps my son potty trained in a day at 3 after I gave up pressuring him when he was 2. The best advice I received was 'he will train when he is ready not when I am ready'.

Anonymous

My sister had the same issue

11/2/2009 at 12:17 pm

My sister had the same issue with her 2 year old son and new born. She did the toddler bed at first while he was still in diapers. That gave him a thrill and privilege that the baby didn't have. Then when he was close to potty training she made a big deal out of the big boy bed (I.e. Bedding, toys, the bed itself) and set it up in the basement. Her son got to look at it and dream about it but he could not get it moved to his room for use until he was potty trained and accident free for one week. I have NEVER seen a boy get potty trained so fast! I swear he had that bed in his room a week and a half later!

Nina

My younger nephew figured

11/2/2009 at 12:59 pm

My younger nephew figured out how to escape from his crib just before he turned 2. He apparently really wanted a book from the bookcase and sat down and read till his mom came in and found him. They lowered the crib to the lowest position and he's been stuck ever since.now he just stands there and screams "mommy mommy mommy" till someone comes in to get him. Once he's potty trained, he'll get his big boy bed. Maybe you should consider a toddler bed..mainly for your own peace of mind. Good luck

Erin Z. Ruddy

This may be a stupid question, but...

11/2/2009 at 1:15 pm

Why does a kid need to be potty trained before big boy bed? Alex is still in diapers and he doesn't leak or anything so couldn't he move to a bed before he's potty trained? I don't think we'll have a choice...

Patty

Hi Erin, To clarify, the

11/2/2009 at 2:09 pm

Hi Erin, To clarify, the problem is when he isn't wearing the diaper anymore. Only one of my three children never had an accident at night and when they first train it is even more a royal pain to wash the sheets and blankets from a big boy bed instead of the smaller sheets and blankets from a crib mattress i.e. the toddler bed. It takes up a lot less time and energy. Maybe, I am just lazy. I am all for a two year old moving out of the crib but I was just suggesting that a toddler bed is easier for maintenance reasons. I always bought the less expensive toddler beds becuase they don't have to last for twenty or so years. Just an alternative...

Ida (Zavie's wife)

Alex and a "big bed"

11/2/2009 at 4:47 pm

Dear Erin, Of course, Alex does not have to be toilet trained before going into a big bed! Our older daughter (now just turned 40!!!) was in a big bed at the age of 18 months although our pediatrician was flabbergasted! She was not yet toilet trained by any means (We just put a plastic sheet on the mattress) but she abhored her crib and had the "screaming meemmies" every night for 2 hours after we placed her in her crib. In desperation we tried THE BIG BED solution. The first night she was placed in her big bed, she stopped her screaming, said good night like a lady and off to bed she went. We wanted to place a mattress beside her bed in case she fell out but that was vetoed by her. She still is an interesting person today.You met her with Zavie at your Glamour Magazine office. We just made sure to tuck her in quite securely. Of course, we worried for a while about her safety but that was futile because "the kid" was fine. As a matter of fact, toilet training became easier because she associated herself with being a "BIG GIRL" who uses the potty on a regular basis. Good luck and there is no problem in trying especially if you have 2 months to go before your 2nd little one arrives. Best Regards, Ida

Michelle

Erin, Alex DOES NOT have to

11/2/2009 at 2:02 pm

Erin, Alex DOES NOT have to be potty trained before making the transition from crib to bed. My son wasn't and all worked out fine. We waited to potty train him until he showed interest and that worked out much better than trying to force it upon him. My son never did try to climb out of the crib, but I was afraid that he would and hurt himself. So around Alex's age, we took out the crib and put the full size guest room mattres on the floor (our crib was a covertible crib, and we did convert it to a toddler bed, but he wanted nothing to do with it). It was a struggle on and off for a while, but when he was consistently napping and wanting to sleep in the bed, we told him if he did all that, he would be able to go with us to pick out a big boy bed (twin size) and pick out his own sheets and comforter (spiderman, in his case) this helps them have a goal to reach for. My daughter was born a little after he turned 3, so we had a little longer to try to help him out with the transition, but you know what...even though we still did all of that he still struggled a little and wanted to sleep in the crib (after the baby came) or wanted to sleep with us or in the living room. You just have to be consistent with your "rules" about sleeping and prepare yourself for some regression regardless once the baby comes. You are doing the right thing with not trying to potty train AND do the big boy bed transition at the same time. Our pediatrician always recommended tackling one thing at a time....it will all work out like it is supposed to. Good Luck! Sorry you had to deal with all of the house issuses too!! Michelle

AmyRyb

If it makes you feel any better....

11/2/2009 at 2:14 pm

We spent part of Halloween night in the emergency room with my 16 month old. We were just about to go trick-or-treating, and thanks to a combination of his costume and his wobbly walking, he did a faceplant into the hardware of our storm door and cut his lip. It was bleeding like crazy and my husband and I were both freaking out--we couldn't see how bad it really was because we couldn't hold him down, he was bleeding on his costume, he wouldn't let us ice it, etc.--what a mess! The doctor said that if the edges were split open to take him to the ER. Well, once he calmed down and the bleeding stopped, we got him dressed again and took him to a couple neighbors for trick-or-treating before heading off to the hospital. In the end he didn't even need a stitch, but he did brighten the night of most of the ER staff--even without a costume :) It turned out ok and he's doing great, but that was not how I envisioned his first trick or treating experience!

Anonymous

Oh, I can relate to this!

11/2/2009 at 3:37 pm

Oh, I can relate to this! My little boy started climbing out of his crib right before he turned 2. It scared me, too. We tried to keep him in his crib for a few more months because we thought he was too young for a toddler bed. We basically had to stay in his room until he fell asleep every night to make sure he didn't climb out. Once he was asleep, he was a good sleeper and never tried to climb out in the middle of the night. Then we got him a toddler bed and the biggest challenge for us was that he kept coming out of his room, repeatedly, until he would finally be tired enough and fall asleep. Some nights it would take over an hour to get him to sleep. I think he was so excited with his freedom, he wanted to see what the rest of the family was doing, keep playing, etc. Now he is almost 3 and we still have some rough nights every once in awhile where he just refuses to stay in bed. You could try to switch Alex to a big bed for a couple weeks and see how it goes. I would probably try it now so you have some time to see if it's going to work or not before the new baby is born. You could also buy a "crib tent" that attaches to the top of the crib to keep him in it.

Christine

My son could climb out of

11/2/2009 at 3:57 pm

My son could climb out of his crib before he could walk, he was 13 months old. We have a converible crib so I just took the side off of it so at least he wouldn't fall too far. But then he didn't want to sleep in it anymore (I guess it was more exciting to pretend and escape). So here we are, he's 2 years 4 months and I'm due in 6 weeks, so I put the crib back together for the baby and have just allowed him to sleep on the floor, well he wants back in it now. He climbs in and out of it at will. So I broke down and bought a bassinet for the baby since I'm afraid he will throw his brother on the floor if he's in his terratory. My daughters never climbed out of their crib...must be a boy thing! Good luck to you.

P&M'sMom

We moved my son to a toddler

11/2/2009 at 4:22 pm

We moved my son to a toddler bed, and it was a really easy transition. The one we got was from JCPenney, and you get a discount on a mattress with it. (you'll need another crib mattress.) my friend puts up a baby gate in the doorway of her son's room. He's a wanderer, my son for the most part stays in his room. Hope that helps.

Kelly

I feel your pain!

11/2/2009 at 4:24 pm

I was SO afraid of trying out a big boy bed for mine... Just like you, I didn't want him going through any big transitions, etc. He was going to be 19 mos. when his sister was born, so the very day we decided (he was around 17 mos.) it would be best to buy a crib for her and let him stay in his till a while after she was born, he JUMPED out... He was 6 feet away from the crib laying on the floor crying when we got to him! Luckily he wasn't hurt, but we did decide to go for it so we ordered a toddler bed, which was on backorder for 3 mos. SO, we went for it all the way and put him in a twin with bedrails. He fell out once, then we put a bean bag on the floor where the bedrails ended, and he has never fallen out again! He loves his bed. Our only problem has been if he wakes up during the night he comes to our room, but other than that, it's been way too good to be true!

Nittany01

My son moved from his crib

11/3/2009 at 7:34 am

My son moved from his crib to a double bed at 2 years 3 months....he was sleeping terribly in the crib which is why we moved him. He did great at night but unfort. he then refused to take naps during the day and after 3 days of fighting with him I let him give up his nap. I had an 8 month old at the time so I couldn't spend hours trying to get him to nap. *He was not potty trained when he moved to a big bed. With my daughter we moved her to a big bed when she was 3 (needed the crib for baby #3) and she did great too and because she was older than he had been I was able to keep up the routine of her naps. Both of my older two kids did jump out of their cribs one time each but then never did it again. Not sure why I lucked out. You could always try one of those tent things....don't know what they are called but they go in the crib. I think you can get them at Babies R Us. But if you are going to move him do it now before the baby so that you can concentrate on continuing his bedtime routines before the new baby comes and your attention is divided.

Erin Z. Ruddy

Thanks guys!

11/3/2009 at 10:03 am

These are all great tips. I think we're going to leave him in his crib for a while longer and see how it goes. So far so good. I really don't think he'll climb out again (fingers crossed) and I can't risk losing his nap time :)

Cherlette

your blog

11/5/2009 at 12:09 pm

Hi Erin, Just discovered your blog today. I was spellbound by your story. I think your an awesome lady. My husband and I have twin boys aged 10. After reading the story about your son and his crib, I felt compelled to pipe in. Believe it or not my sons shared a crib and we never had a single problem. They were my first and still only children. They have been a joy. When we decided to place them in their "big boy" beds they were around 2 1/2 and had started climbing out of their crib and into our bed! We had made it easy for them since we kept our bedroom doos open. It was clear that it was time to get them out of the crib. But get ready, once this happens you will surely have an extra visitor in your bed as well. It's so cute (at least at first).

You are the best

11/3/2009 at 12:27 pm

You are the best writer...and, Alex is too cute. Hope things are back to "normal." Love from Mississippi!

SJ95

baby gate!

11/3/2009 at 2:14 pm

Our son climbed out at 20 months. We ended up putting his crib mattress on the floor (after using furniture latches on the dresser to ensure it it not tip over) and an extra tall baby gate on his door. We did this for about 2 months until his big boy bed came in and then he was fine in his regular bed. There were a couple of times he fell asleep on the floor by the gate, but we figured eventually he would learn the bed is more comfortable and he did! good luck : )

anniegirl1

I don't have any advice, but

11/3/2009 at 9:03 pm

I don't have any advice, but I finally just started reading your book. I am enjoying it so much. I feel like we could be friends. I admire your strength and courage and wish you all the best during the last two months of your pregnancy!

Mandy

Big bed

11/4/2009 at 9:08 am

Since I only had 1 crib and was planning on using it for the 2nd baby, I made the transition from the crib to a big boy bed for my son a few months before the baby's arrival so he wouldn't feel replaced. He was so excited about the big bed that by the time the baby arrived, he didn't care that she was sleeping in his old crib. Do you have 2 cribs? If not, I'd recommend making the transition now so Alex wouldn't feel replaced once the girl arrives and he gets kicked out of his crib.

Glenda

My son stayed in his crib

11/4/2009 at 7:38 pm

My son stayed in his crib until right before his 3rd birthday that I had his sister. He was 2 when he got out of the crib, but I always left the railing down, and the mattress was all the way down to the lowest so that he won't break his head when he got out. I always told him when he woke up to call me and he did. He was pretty independent at 3 yrs old and was potty trained, so he was a lot of help. Don't force the potty training...it'll just make you frustrated...and each child learns at their own pace. I wouldn't rush the big boy bed either. I used his crib for his sister and he never felt any resentment or replacement. He was and still is a great big brother.

Laura

Climbed out at 13 months

11/5/2009 at 7:56 am

My younger daughter, who is now 22 years old, was able to escape from her crib at 13 months. At first I couldn't figure out how she did it, but since her bedroom was on the first floor of our house, I was able to quickly run outside and watch her in action. By the time I got outside she was already straddling the side railing, then she hiked the other leg over the rail and used the crib slats to slide down to the floor. Voila! She had escaped! I, too, was concerned that she would hurt herself so had to get her into a big-girl bed right away. And she certainly was not potty trained yet, so I simply used a plastic sheet in the event of any accidents. Good luck and hope this helps shed light on what Alex may be doing to escape his version of prison..... :)

Paige

Crib tent...?

11/6/2009 at 12:38 pm

We had a similar issue with my son around 2yrs old and questioned the big boy bed transition as well. Now, I was one of those people that thought I could reason with him about the rules and dangers of climbing out and he needed to learn eventually, so I'd rather tackle the issue at hand before the big boy bed transition. Well, fast forward to several weeks of walking him back to his crib and worrying about hurting himself during his escape, I finally gave in to the crib tent. I wasn't a believer before, but we were desperate. So, we made a big deal about how cool it was and what a big boy he was to get to sleep in a tent that part of his bedtime routine was him crawling in and zipping himself in -he was safer and we all slept better for several months after - HEAVEN! That said, we recently moved and got him the big boy bed for the new house, because we need the crib for #2 in a few weeks. He loves it and seemed to transition fine for the first few months, but the last few weeks he's been waking every morning between 4-5am....Argh! I posted more about this on your sleep deprivation topic. My husband actually asked if they make tents for twin beds ;)

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Dilemma of the week: Big boy bed for Alex before the baby comes? (Plus, my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Halloween…)

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