The Parenting Post Blog

When Dad Leaves Town

By Rocks In My Dryer on Monday, April 13, 10:12 am EDT

My husband was out of town all week last week. He was fulfilling a life-long dream of getting to attend The Master’s in Augusta, Georgia, and he drove cross-country with my brother, my dad, and my uncle to see it. (He made a pit stop at Talladega Superspeedway, calling me from his cell to find out if I wanted my Ricky Bobby tube top to be in rhinestones or glitter. That has nothing to do with anything, except that it’s been making me laugh all week.)

Anyway, I have held down the fort alone for the last several days, something I (thankfully) don’t have to do too often. Let’s get this out in the open: I am a wimp. I know it, I own it, and there you go. I know there are plenty of women whose husbands travel frequently. I know there are countless single moms who handle details with the kids on their own, 24 hours a day, every single day. I will say, in all seriousness, that my hat is off to these women. That is an amazing feat.

Because holding down my fort alone for a week has nearly done me in.

Of course, this is due in part to a phenomenon I do not understand but have found to be iron-clad in its predictability: when one parent in this family leaves town, at least one child (usually two) will get sick. Not sometimes -- every time. It’s like their otherwise healthy immune systems notice us getting out the suitcase, and they have a little Immune System Conference. They say, “Hey, they’re packing up, so it’s time to shut down entirely and let all the germs in the state of Oklahoma run rampant through this family. It’ll be FUN!”

So it was no surprise, a couple of days ago, when the school nurse called me to come pick up a feverish seven-year-old boy from her office. And then the same nurse called me back two hours later to pick up a feverish ten-year-old from her office. Good times.

I handled it fine. Even with all the sickness, we managed some Dad-free fun. The sick kids took turns sleeping in bed next to me. Because a sore throat is an excellent excuse for ice cream, we kept it flowing freely all week. There was plenty of movie-watching on the couch, under blankets.

Maybe the Great Immune System Conspiracy is by design, forcing us all to slow down a bit during what would be an otherwise stressful week. But as I type this, my husband is somewhere near Memphis, pointed toward home. My youngest son sits next to me as I type, his hot little head on my shoulder. It’s not quite as hot as it was earlier today. I think we’re going to be okay.

But will someone please remind me never to let Hubs out of the city limits again until I have a cabinet full of Tylenol?

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Member Comments
Matthew 's picture
Matthew
ice cream for sore throats ?????
4/14/2009 at 12:01 am
You might want to check with your child's doctor, but I believe I've been told that milk based products and ice cream are not the solution to help or sooth sore throats. Sugar free popsicles are much better and do not cause extra phlem (sp?) and related problems.


DayterBug09's picture
DayterBug09
I agree
4/14/2009 at 12:47 am
I definatly agree when it comes to single moms taking care of everything all the time! They are very strong, patient women. I had a c-section with my 2month old son, and if Dad wouldn't have been here for us, I would have died! It's not easy recovering from a c-section, some times it hurt just to stand let alone cook dinner, or get up to get the baby in the middle of night to feed him. My hat goes off to anyone who has ever had to go through those times alone because it's not easy even with someone waiting on you hand and foot. And if you have help, CHERISH it while it lasts, cuz it doesn't last forever...unfortunatly!!! I'm not a single mom, but Dad took a long trip a few weeks ago and I about went crazy, after like a whole day. He wasn't even gone overnight. And to add the whole ice cream for a sore throat thing, it was prbly just lettin the kids have fun while dad was gone, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I have also heard that dairy products are not good for anyone feeling sick. It makes the mucus thicker and harder to get out of your body. But I still hope you and your children had a good week alone...(without Dad that is) Next time you might look forward to him being gone so you can hang out with the kids some more!!


Matthew 's picture
Matthew
I missed the point
4/14/2009 at 2:37 am
Sorry the ice cream comment I made was just me missing the point of the original article, although it is fact, I reread your entry and want to commend anyone that goes that extra mile in taking care of their children. Having been a stay at home parent for the last six years, my mind always strays to the "what can I do to help mode". Actually, I am just the opposite when considering my wife being home or away. I have to make many allowances for her style with the kids, compared to my style. Her being home, which is very rare, can cause some style conflicts and we work on these constantly. We both have the same general philosophy, but I'm the all the time guy, and my wife the "when she can person". I actually think that it may be more difficult for someone, male or female, to work all day (and in my wife's case travel and put in 14 hour days) to have the energy or availability to be a contributing factor to the family unit, but my wife seems to pull it off pretty well. In agreement with your comments that stay at home parenting is alot of work --- I had no clue what amount of effort is needed to accomplish this monumental task. I'm lucky even every once in a while to get some time off, a needed refresher for all involved, and we only have two children (6 and 4 years). So my point being that anyone that is out there doing this totally alone (or in this case maybe not used to it) should be given the highest award available, because it is not easy, but nothing is more rewarding and valuable for them and their children. Sorry again for the prior focus on ice cream.


I agree
4/14/2009 at 12:13 pm
I find that in times that we are certain to be the busiest, some illness tends to happen that slows us down. And I work to enjoy those times.


Kim's picture
Kim
The Master's
4/14/2009 at 2:49 pm
We were pretty excited to see an Argentine win the Master's this year, and he's even from our province! :-)


I totally agree with the
4/14/2009 at 3:44 pm
I totally agree with the sick part! The only time my daughter has been to the ER was when my husband was out of town. I get nervous every time he leaves now!


Anything goes!
4/14/2009 at 4:00 pm
When my husband goes out of town, anything goes. McDonalds for dinner- sure! Movie night- sure! Ice cream- sure! Anything to make it easier. He probably averages a trip every other month & I always dread it- not the days, but the nights! And, every time I've had a flat tire it's when he goes out of town.


When the cats away
4/14/2009 at 5:17 pm
I feel your pain. There always seems to be something happen when my husband leaves. No mice playing here, just car trouble, plumbing issues. We don't usually get sick when he leaves, so that is a blessing, but who needs car trouble when your man is away!


Melanie's picture
Melanie
It all falls apart... In
4/14/2009 at 6:15 pm
It all falls apart... In addition to kids getting sick, something is supposed to break. Your car, the washing machine. Something. Or at least a hurricane or tornado comes through. :>)


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
I KWYM
4/15/2009 at 7:21 am
Last time my dh left town for a week the washing machine and refrigerator both broke, I got a flat tire, and one of the kids ended up in the ER. I had the washer repaired, bought a new fridge, changed the tire all by myself, and handled the doctor's visits. We survived, but it's nice having a backup parent nearby in a crisis (or four).


Hold up...
4/14/2009 at 10:48 pm
I'm still stuck at Talladega.


My husband is a missions
4/14/2009 at 11:13 pm
My husband is a missions pastor and leaves the country for weeks at a time. I do okay the first week or so, enjoying having the bed to myself, sole possession of the remote, not cooking dinner, stay up late reading a book and not feeling guilty about it...but about week 2 I start to crumble. But I can't complain because he's off doing eternal things and how carnal would it be for me to whine about taxiing 4 kids all over town! At least when your hubby goes to a golf tournament you can have a legit pity party!


opposite
4/15/2009 at 4:54 am
we have reached the point that all rules fly out the window when dad comes home...stay up till midnight...sure go play w your dad....my husband works out of state most of the time...(ie....he has been home a total of 2 full weeks since Nov 1. and that was because I gave birth and we had Christmas otherwise he would have only come home for 1 week) he comes home and skipping school, staying up to play and watch movies, and ice cream for dinner all sound normal....he totally disrupts my routine too but thats ok...i will take that for the opportunities that his job affords us and the guarantee at this point when he his home i usually get at least 48 hours in a row OFF DUTY....this is a MUST steff


Oh, ice cream all the way,
4/15/2009 at 12:50 pm
Oh, ice cream all the way, baby. When I had my tonsils taken out, the doctor said: "Let there be ice cream. Let it flow freely from the kitchen straight to your mouth. And you shall find great comfort and joy." He was a smart doctor. Of course, it had to be almost room temperature and very runny until the sutures healed, but not much else passed these lips! And it couldn't be chunky. Ouch! The "no-ice-cream" rule is for snotty mucusy chesty colds. If there was mucus in the chest, then no ice cream. And even then -- the mom has the power to over rule the "no-ice-cream" rule if it makes a misurable sick kid feel happier.


Ah, Ricky Bobby...
4/15/2009 at 4:42 pm
I wonder how single parents or parents with spouses who travel often do it, too! My husband and I work opposite schedules, so we're each on our own during the week, but that's no big deal. Maybe it's just what you get used to, though, because I'm amazed at how willing he is to take our daughter for an entire Saturday so I can scrapbook (or, most recently, clean the house!), or how he didn't even blink when I told him I had to go out of town for a conference. I get so stressed out when I know it's JUST ME for an extended amount of time! I hope your kiddos are back to perfect health SOON!


The same thing happened to
4/15/2009 at 6:04 pm
The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Both girls sick. One ended up in the ER with dehydration. Fun times. I completely concur with you on all points... on being a whimp, on applauding single mothers... all of it.


Try 6 months!
4/16/2009 at 9:29 am
My husband has relocated across the country for work from March 09-August 09. This is all while my 12-year-old stepdaughter has been in the hospital for anoerexia and recovery. Getting her to multiple treatments for the past 6 weeks has been a constant struggle between her mom and I (my husband's ex-wife) because we both work full time and the treatment times are in the middle of the day. This is on top of keeping my 7-year-old stepson equally content and cared for. We're working together -- my kids' mom and I -- to keep things constant and caring while my husband/the kids' dad works out of the house. Thankfully, my job has let me be pretty flexible with working from home and I'm finding I have an extremely high level of patience and tolerance! I sometimes feel like I'm going to break, but so far it hasnt' happened yet.


Ladybug's picture
Ladybug
Ladybug's Babysitting Website
4/20/2009 at 10:59 pm
Hello, I'm Ladybug and I have a website all about babies and babysitting. I would like you to visit my site and leave comments. Thank you for your time. Ladybug ladybugs.weebly.com


Julie's picture
Julie
I was so excited to see that
4/26/2009 at 1:15 pm
I was so excited to see that your husband came to "my" town. I feel so connected to you now!! Ha! It's just too bad I didn't run into him (amid the thousands of people) and get to say 'Hey - I read your wife's blog.' I'm sure it would have made his trip - much more so than anything to do with golf, Tiger Woods etc . . . hmmm :) And by the way, I'm a pediatrician and as long as there isn't any vomiting - I agree ice cream all the way!! :)


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