The Parenting Post Blog

Thoughts on Sarah Palin

By Daring Young Mom on Friday, September 5, 10:27 am EDT

When I heard about Sarah Palin’s nomination for VP, my first thought was, “Sad! There’s no way she’ll get to spend enough time with her kids. She’ll practically never see them again.” THEN I asked myself if she was up for the job.

I stay home with my kids every single day, and still I often feel like I haven’t done enough or haven’t spent enough time and energy on them and their needs. This hit me especially hard this week as Laylee started kindergarten. I suddenly realize how little time I have with her and how quickly she’ll be off on her own. Now, more than ever, I’m so grateful to have the luxury of staying home with my kids.

I didn’t always feel this way. In high school and college, I knew what a sacrifice my mom had made to stay home with me and my siblings and I appreciated what she’d done. However, I couldn’t imagine doing the same. I was a good student and really successful. I excelled in every job I was given, and felt that in the workforce I could achieve success beyond nearly any of the guys I knew.

And then I had Laylee and Dan got a good job out of college and going back to work did not even cross my mind. I haven’t looked back. Truly. I love what I do 90% of the time, which is better than any other job I’ve had. But that’s me.

There have been a lot of questions circling in the media about whether or not Sarah Palin will be able to give adequate time to her family responsibilities if she’s elected. Let’s face the truth. There’s no way she’s spending much time with her kids now, let alone if she’s elected to one of the highest political offices in the country. It’s just not possible. No doubt she has a solid support system and people to help raise her family, but she personally cannot be doing the major parenting in that house.

Is this okay?

I truly believe that the only one who can answer that is Sarah Palin herself. It would not be okay for me. I jealously guard my time with my kids and don’t trust anyone to do the day-to-day raising of them but me. This is not to say that I’m the most qualified parent in the world, but at least if I’m the one teaching and spending time with my kids, they’ll get messed up in ways that I have a smidgen of control over. But that’s my choice.

There are people who would and do say that if I really cared about my kids and wanted to raise them right, I’d homeschool them, that sending them off to public school is giving up my responsibilities as a mother and teacher. Luckily, I get to make that choice and this year public school feels like the right decision for my family. We’ve put a lot of energy and thought into that decision.

I don’t imagine that Sarah Palin woke up one day and decided to run for Vice President on a whim. She and her family are doing the best they can and making the decision that they feel is appropriate. Perhaps she even agrees with me that children’s lives are greatly enriched by having their mother around more, but it’s possible that she sees her family’s sacrifice as beneficial to the greater good of society.

Perhaps she thinks that the pros of her political service to the country and the world at large outweigh the good she could do in her home. Perhaps she’s right. I hope she’s right. No, she can’t do it all, but it’s just possible that Sarah Palin is trying to do the most of what’s best within her sphere of influence.

When I see a woman like Sarah Palin go forward and take on a huge and highly visible task like this and succeed, aspiring to a role so heavily dominated by males, I feel like it adds even more weight to my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom. It reaffirms that yes, a woman can do anything in this world, but I choose to stay home with my kids. Her choice highlights the grand possibilities. My reality is smaller, less visible, and more covered in boogers. I’m happy with it. I hope she’s happy too.

_____

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Member Comments
Husbands?
9/5/2008 at 11:47 am
What if Sarah and Todd Palin have decided that he will be primary caregiver of their young children?


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
Husband
9/5/2008 at 11:53 am
Does your husband have a career? I hope not. If he does, I'll think “Sad! There’s no way he’ll get to spend enough time with his kids. He’ll practically never see them again.”


What's good for the goose
9/5/2008 at 11:52 am
While I'm 100% sure of my decision to stay home with my kids, I know it's just that. MY decision. It's what's right for us. For our family. Not all families are like ours. Not all women are like me. I doubt I could juggle my family & home & an outside job. But that's just me. My biggest issue with this debate is that no one seems to think ill of any man with young children running for office. They may not be Stay-at-home dads suddenly abandoning their families for the political scene, but how do these fathers find time to spend with their families? Why is this such a non-issue for men, but with Sarah Palin it becomes such a hot button topic? I have yet to hear anyone attack Obama because he will be spending his daughter's formative years in office if he's elected. What's good for the goose is, aparently, not good for the gander.


It's new so it's news
9/5/2008 at 12:13 pm
I don't think we can ignore the fact that for thousands of years women have been the primary caregivers in the home, a fact largely caused by our intrinsic nature as nurturers. Sarah Palin's nomination is historic, a first for a woman so these questions are bound to be asked and I think it's okay. Men have been in these positions from the beginning so it's not shocking. To have a father run for vice president is not news because it's nothing new. Sarah Palin is something new and it's going to be scrutinized. I think it's only natural. In the end, people will hopefully realize that it's her family's decision to make.


Decisions
9/5/2008 at 12:06 pm
I'm excited that Mrs Palin has chosen this path. She has obviously made some good choices in her life which have qualified her to even be considered. I'm also excited that in this country women are free to make the choice to have a career, and to have a loving home. It's not an either/or situation. Well said, DYM.


I agree, it's her choice
9/5/2008 at 12:12 pm
I'm currently a mom who works out of the home part-time, and that works for me and my son. I know I'm really blessed to have that option. But even though I am a work-out-of-the-home mom, my first thoughts when I heard about the choice for VP were similar to yours- what about her kids? And then I got annoyed at myself for thinking that. From what I've read, since she was elected governor, her husband has left his job to be the primary at-home parent. So they're doing something out of the norm, but it works for them, and that's what matters. I agree, it's her choice, she knows herself and her husband and her kids. And they are doing what's right for their family. I just cant believe she still has enough brain cells left to run a state, I only have one small kid and can barely complete an intelligent thought anymore!


good for him
9/5/2008 at 12:16 pm
I'm glad to hear her husband's spending more time with the kids. All I'd read about him in the media was about his work resume, nothing about his current family involvement.


I read somewhere that
9/5/2008 at 12:45 pm
I read somewhere that Obama's eldest daughter cried when she saw her father on the television screen because she missed him so much. No matter if they are male or female, our political leaders are all making a choice to be away from their families. Yes, she's a woman, but it's the same sacrifice either way.
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/


It's a tough decision for any family.
9/5/2008 at 12:51 pm
Whenever I see a parent with very demanding extrafamilial responsibilities, I do think about the effect it will have on their children. Male or female. I am wary of sexism in this issue, but I don't think the answer is to say, "Well, it's not an issue for men, so it shouldn't be an issue for women!" Rather, I would say, "It is an issue for men and for women." For a parent to hold political office has to be difficult for any family, and since it would be unreasonable for us to limit political offices to those without children, it's a difficulty that isn't going away anytime soon.


Amen!
9/5/2008 at 12:58 pm
The choice Sarah Palin is making may not be right for every family but how wonderful that she has the opportunity to make such a monumental choice!


her family situation
9/5/2008 at 1:07 pm
I just can't wrap my head around being concerned that one individual woman somewhere in the US may not "be able to give adequate time to her family responsibilities" and that I should be studying her family arrangements and judging their childrens' best interest while deciding if she's worthy of a professional post. I disagree with her politics in many areas, but as a voter I couldn't care less if she is a devoted and attentive mom or not. She's not asking for my vote to be a mom or my kid's nanny.


adding weight to the decision to stay at home
9/5/2008 at 1:26 pm
As a mother, I am grateful for your perspective about how Sarah running for office doesn't demean "mere" housewives/moms (because some moms are doing "grander" things), but rather adds weight to our personal decisions to stay at home. You said it much better than I can, so I don't know why I'm trying to paraphrase you. I'll just add a hearty amen.


I'm excited for her
9/5/2008 at 1:27 pm
I've been among the most vocal supporters I know of moms staying home with kids - so it surprises me that I feel so happy for Sarah. No, maybe it's not the most ideal situation for the typical family to have Mom away so much, with so many demands on her time. But Sarah might just have a special role to play here in history. That's a huge can of worms to open - like the REST of us couldn't have special roles to play in history, if we'd taken a different path - but I can't help but feel proud of her. It makes me rethink my stance just a bit.


Good post. I still haven't
9/5/2008 at 1:47 pm
Good post. I still haven't decided how I feel about this but it IS the first time (I think? or if not one of the first couple) that a woman has run as VP so everything is new territory. A lot of questions will be asked and there will be skeptics. So I'm interesting to see how the next few months play out.


Response to Cchrisyy's comment
9/5/2008 at 1:49 pm
I think you've got a good point. She is not going to be elected for being a good mom. She's running to be VP. And where the rest of the country watches mothers struggle all the time, I don't think it technically matters. Or at least it shouldn't.


Mother of the Wild Boys's picture
Mother of the Wild Boys
Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History
9/5/2008 at 2:47 pm
You've all heard the quote...I say "More power to you, Sarah!". None of us can accurately judge her family situation, as none of us are in her family. As a reformed 'judger of working moms', I can honestly say that a mom working outside of the home is not the end of the world. The point is that children are loved and cared for in a way that works for them all. Let's reserve our worries for the kids of America who don't have a loved-filled home.


Mel's picture
Mel
What About the Kids?
9/5/2008 at 2:55 pm
I think the fact that she dragged her pregnant 17-year-old daughter into the public arena is horrifying. The girl is facing some daunting challenges, and having her private life and decisions scrutinized cannot be helpful. Of course, in a perfect world, the media would leave the poor thing alone but we all know how it works right now, and Sarah Palin cannot possibly be surprised at how this issue has been treated. I feel sorry for staunch Republicans who have to pretend that they like McCain's choice. Personally, I find it insulting that she is the only woman they could find. It feels like the menfolk were just looking for the least threatening mama.


Amen and amen
9/5/2008 at 4:04 pm
Yes, it is her decision to work. Yes, it is OUR decision to vote for her. Yes, it is our decision to decide if she'd be a good vice-president - or president, as could be the case. But isn't being a good PARENT the first character test we should ask ourselves of someone we're handing the most looked-to job in the world? I firmly believe that mothers can do more good in the home raising their children to be future leaders than making decisions in the boardroom. THEY are the ones truly changing the world. Of course, I also happen to be a staunch feminist, and am equally cemented in the belief that women can do anything we put our minds to. I guess I just feel that everything has a time and a season. She's still young. Can't she wait til her children are a little older before going for the White House? Even if she becomes The World's Best VP Ever, what will it cost her children? Whatever happens, it won't be worth it. No success in the world compensates for failure in the home. But hey. I don't really know if she's been a failure. Not saying she is. Shoot, teen pregnancies happen in the best of families, to the best of parents. Maybe she's a fantastic parent. Maybe she puts us all to shame. I don't know. It is simply our job to decide if she's up for her job. How we do that is up to us.


Allison's picture
Allison
There's issues, and then there's issues.
9/5/2008 at 4:27 pm
I have to say that when I heard that Barack Obama had two young daughters, who are barely older than my own girls, I wondered what kind of impact having a dad so in the public eye would have on them. Not to say that I don't think men or women with young families should be in the public eye, just that, having a young family myself, that's something I think about. I know I would NOT want to have my life so open to the world! So of course I thought the same thing about Sarah Palin's family. But it didn't have anything to do with her being a woman, just that she has such young kids. However, I agree with the previous poster who commented that we're not being asked to vote based on whether we think the candidates have made a good choice as a parent in running for office. Rather, we should be concerned with how they will handle the issues that affect us. If Sarah Palin feels like she can be VP and a good mom, more power to her! (I assume that she must feel that way, because if she didn't, I doubt we'd be having this discussion) That's not among the issues that concern me in this race.


Great post
9/5/2008 at 7:50 pm
I'm glad Sarah made the choice she did, even though I've made a really different set of choices. Like you say, it's a family call. Not a one of us can know what kind of conversations have gone on around the Palin kitchen table. From all I've seen, they're up to this.


The Kids
9/6/2008 at 2:50 am
I believe her running for VP is a good idea. After Hillary lost I was devastated. Now we have a new feisty candidate to cheer own. She seems to have a very tight-knit family, so I think she'll be alright.


Marian's picture
Marian
I don't think I've ever seen
9/6/2008 at 9:52 am
I don't think I've ever seen a professional parent, male or female, integrate parenting into her work world to the degree that Sarah Palin does now! Those little ones are in the office with mom, on her hip, in a sling. For that reason it's kind of ironic that she is the one targeted for such interrogation above others. Obviously, there are callings on all of our lives, and they do not all look the same. There are so many examples historically of godly people who have been called to serve totally apart from their families for a time, with the assurance that God will take good care of what is important to them while they are taking care of another matter that is important to him. I have no idea if this is the case for Sarah Palin, but I can't presume that I somehow know better what she is called to right now. What about this thought? Perhaps this ISN'T her time to move to Washington (and she will not if Obama wins, of course), but it IS her appointed time to be introduced to the national stage so that, when her time comes later, she is prepared and things are in place. Can we just trust that it's even possible that she is where she is right now for a reason, even if we're not sure it's right? Or should we make the presumptive call that her candidacy right now is wrong, chew her up and spit her out? There are people for whom many issues that are important are addressed better by McCain-Palin than Obama-Biden, and yet they are willing to, in effect, allow a vote go to Obama in this supremely tight race rather than vote for McCain-Palin because of things like this. If McCain is not ideal for you, fine. If you feel qualified to discern the will of God for and the call on Sarah Palin's life for her,well, ok. But, in this amazingly tight and important election, refusing to vote is saying that you'd rather have your team (and some of the issues that are very important to you) LOSE, than not have everything exactly your way. No matter what lofty things can be said about that choice, in effect it's self-first, not country first, God first, or however else someone might try to frame it. I guess that's a little outside the scope of the post, but it's a related point, and an important one.


Caregivers
9/6/2008 at 10:24 am
"I don't think we can ignore the fact that for thousands of years women have been the primary caregivers in the home, a fact largely caused by our intrinsic nature as nurturers." I don't think that is a fact. I was lucky, my Dad was my primary caregiver for a long time and he was simply tremendous at it. I grew up knowing men as nurturers. If I had a shot at the vice presidency, my husband would quit his job to raise the kids -- and ditto me if he had a shot like that. To me, that's partnership.


julipickle's picture
julipickle
Changing the World
9/6/2008 at 2:30 pm
The top on the list of things most important to me to give to my children is to change the world for the better. Beyond prayer-I don't have this power. Sarah Palin in a small way has a chance to do this, to participate in changing our country for the better- for her kids, grand kids, great- grand kids, and beyond. I think it's great. That's what started her into politics anyway. She ran for city council so she could have a voice on changing things for her kids. Not so she could someday be VP. She has an ENTIRELY different motive than any other political leaders- not for money, not for fame, but for her kids! More power to her!


Melissa's picture
Melissa
The little ones
9/6/2008 at 2:53 pm
I wouldn't honestly have any concern if the children were older. I worry about the same thing with Obama's family. As one commenter said before, there is a time and season for everything. There's a time for a young family, there's a time to be in the limelight...I just don't know if those two go well together. I think when the children are so young that BOTH parents, if possible, need to make the sacrifices to be around as much as possible. So much is determined before they are three, that the more we can give them, the better off they will be later.


Liz's picture
Liz
"'I don't think we can
9/6/2008 at 5:34 pm
"'I don't think we can ignore the fact that for thousands of years women have been the primary caregivers in the home, a fact largely caused by our intrinsic nature as nurturers.' I don't think that is a fact. I was lucky, my Dad was my primary caregiver for a long time and he was simply tremendous at it. I grew up knowing men as nurturers. If I had a shot at the vice presidency, my husband would quit his job to raise the kids -- and ditto me if he had a shot like that. To me, that's partnership." Thank you, damomma. Labelling women as "intrinsically nurturing" is dangerously essentialist, and such sentiments only work against feminism, and thus human equality more generally.


Aubrey 's picture
Aubrey
Aint I a woman?
9/10/2008 at 1:18 am
Sojourner Truth said it best.... read her poem 'Aint I a woman?' I love Susan B Anthony.... Yet I do not want to be numbered with those who say Feminism is the only way for women to be equal. We are our husbands and male counterparts equals, as human beings. We have equal intrinsic value's but we do not, nor should we have the same roles in this life. As equals, we balance, as equals we compliment, as equals we love and are loved. We will never be the same, that is not the equality many of us women want. Men can not have babies, and women can not sire them... we are not the same. We are the 'natural nurturer' by the functions with which only our bodies can preform i.e. child birth, and nursing of young... Men can keep there ball scratching, one word sentences. There is something to the statement 'the fairer sex'! Even queen Elizabeth knew that she had feminine whiles with which she readily used to govern her sovereign. Its time to embrace our estrogen, and rule the world at the same time, not turn our back on the reality of nature.


Undecided
9/6/2008 at 8:29 pm
I think it would be one thing if Governor Palin's children were a bit older. But this is a person with an infant. I just don't know how any parent, male or female, can take on a practically 24-hour a day job (including campaigning) and give adequate attention to both their young child and their job. Can someone else do it? Sure. Fathers can make wonderful stay-at-home dads. My own husband is extremely nurturing and the only other person I would ever trust to take on the extremely precious responsibility of being my child's primary caregiver. My first instinct is to wonder what kind of parent would be willing to trade so much of her child's infancy/toddler years for a career opportunity. Male or female. However, I know I don't have the full picture. It does sound like Governor Palin makes a great effort to integrate her home and work life. It would be amazing if she were actually able to do so as Vice President. If she could somehow make such a demanding role/schedule/environment somewhat family-friendly, it would surely be good for other working parents who want to balance career and family.


I'm refreshed!
9/6/2008 at 9:15 pm
I'm here on Saturday at 6pm so this post has been up for over a day and there is not one comment about her son having Down syndrome and, therefore, one of his special needs is having his mommy. As a stay-at-home mom to a son with Down syndrome (and an Obama supporter) I am incredibly tired of hearing either he needs her more than another child would or how I should vote for her because her son and my son both have 3 copies of their 21st chromosome. Talk about a silly reason to vote for someone. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for not making that the issue. And I cannot *believe* the grumpy nature of some of these comments. DYM has a right to freedom of speech too, ya know? Sheesh.


what is gender? does it matter?
9/7/2008 at 12:37 am
If you all want to know the truth about gender and how it relates to the life of men and women, go to this website and learn. The book is POWERFUL. www.genderrealities.com


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
Putting up Fences
9/7/2008 at 10:47 am
I think your post was great & frankly I am so PLEASANTLY SURPRISED to see such thoughtful and polite comments! Personally I don't care for Palin's politics at all, however I do believe that her decisions on how she personally juggles her family are just that - HER decisions. Me? Until the kids are in school, they are my job.(But some days I would LOVE a nanny!) To have a post about a controversial political figure (not because she's a woman, but because of her views) who is also a working mom of a pregnant teenager and not have commenters trolling and frothing at the mouth about it.... WELL DONE! Almost every time I check out a parenting blog, it is full of women tearing each other down over who breast or bottle fed, who is vaccinated or not, who is eating food from MacDonalds, or who is working or staying at home. Frankly it disgusts me to the point of steering clear of anything "parenting-related." As women, we should be supporting each other. Instead of saying "you work, therefore you are a bad mom," how about we all put our heads together & make sure all working mothers - by choice or necessity - have the best quality child care options available to them? It does take a village, ladies. We are the village (so are the dads but they're not as scrutinized as a whole) Whether we like it or not, we are all influencing and raising one another's children by just being ourselves. By being moms.


Christina's picture
Christina
Personally, I could not do
9/8/2008 at 10:16 am
Personally, I could not do it. I find it so difficult just to get through an 8 hour day, I would much rather be spending it with my child than at the office. So I can not imagine juggling political responsibilities as well. However, it is a personal choice and I don't think Sarah Palin should be judged for it.


Terri's picture
Terri
Questions
9/8/2008 at 12:28 pm
Having juggled kids, my school, my work and supporting my husbands work for 38 years gives me a slightly different perspective. Certainly Sarah can do it too. She is the second female vice presidential candidate. Geraldine Ferraro ran in 1984 and if I calculate correctly her youngest son would have been 18. Geraldine had 3 children. Sarah is the first woman with such young children and she should be able to provide some perspective as to how she has handled the scheduling and overcome the problems that all working (in home or out of the home) mothers face. I would really like her to come forward and answer some of the questions being raised. She could/should come across as a sage. NOW...the fact is that so far I don't agree with what I hear about most of her politics. I am waiting for the discussions on how she really feels about the big issues. Make a few statements about family and how you do stuff and get on with the real position statements (not just rhetoric against the other party) so we voters can see if she is the best person to be a heartbeat away from running our country.


Look at both sides...
9/8/2008 at 12:38 pm
When Clinton took office, no one made mention of the lack of parenting that Chelsea would receive from either busy parent. When Biden's wife and youngest died in a car crash, where were the critics who stated that his remaining children needed a father rather than a man who took office days later? Michelle Obama in no way has been a stay at home mom, either before or after her husband decided to enter the race. She has been on the road and working for him in his campaign office, yet no one questions her being outside the home. I find that it's not the question that is offensive or disturbing; it's that it only applies to one side. It seems that women can only move forward or the issue of children becomes moot if they're of a certain political party... Were Palin a Democrat, that party would be fighting tooth and nail for her right to be in office without questioning motherhood as it would be a sexist statement.


Anonymous's picture
Anonymous
Extra Work, but Worth It
9/9/2008 at 12:25 pm
My mother was a single parent for most of my life so she HAD to have a career. Before the divorce she was a stay-at-home mom and homeschooled five kids, so she's been on both sides of the fence. Now that's she's remarried, she could stay home again if she wanted but has decided to go on with her career. She tells me all the time how she could never go back to being a stay-at-home mom. I know this isn't true for everyone. I just think it takes a little more work to balance your time with work and with the kids, not to mention time with spouses who are often at the bottom of the priority list, but I think it's definately doable. It's hard, sure, but I think for many it's definately worth it.


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