They Say

A Note From a Parent

By Daring Young Mom on Friday, September 12, 11:16 am EDT

Remember when you wanted to do something really crazy in school like leave early for a spa treatment or be excused from a homework assignment because your fish died, and your teacher would say that you needed a note from a parent? Well, hey. Guess what!? That’s me! I’m the all-knowing, all-authoritative parent. It’s one part scary, one part weird, and one part totally awesome in its implications of mind-blowing power and the capacity for world domination.

Yesterday I was writing a note to let Laylee be picked up from school rather than take the bus, and I snorked my way through my own signature because I was grinning so hard. I felt like it was a forgery. This was supposed to be a Note-From-A-Parent (or NoFAP) and it was coming from me. I must be doing something illicit or at the very least slightly treacherous.

And then it struck me as it has many times in the past, “How have I tricked so many people into letting me be the mom of these kids?”

I’m, like, only a couple of years older than them, and in many ways only about 5 minutes more mature. Granted, I am cleaner and capable of being much more quiet. I also need far fewer blankies wrapped around my chubberly little face to soothe me to sleep.

Sometimes I feel like I spend my life pretending to be a good mom, and so far I’ve accidentally gotten it right most of the time. So no one suspects that I’m really just a big fat kid myself with insecurities and fears who feels like a poser when she writes notes to the teacher.

(Well, now they might suspect, since I’m posting this on the internet and all.)

Then there are times when I start to feel like I’ve got it all under control, that I’ve mastered this parenting thing, and that I deserve to be writing NoFAPs to Laylee’s teachers. THAT’s a dangerous place to be, because when one of my kids undergoes a violent personality change in the night, I wake to find I need to learn how to parent a whole new species of child. And then I’m unsure again and I consider calling my mom and asking for a NoFAP from her, saying I’m allowed to try and mother this new creature called Magoo – Phase 13b.

Maybe when I’m 30 I’ll get it all figured out. Yes, 30 will definitely be my NoFAP-worthy year. I’ll let you know how I feel in a few months when I’m all pre-middle-aged.

_____

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Carrie

It still freaks me out

9/12/2008 at 12:00 pm

Whenever I remember that I'm actually several years older than you. Because you seem so mature and in control and such a mom! You're doing a great job of fooling us all. :) I have discovered one benefit of being in my 30s- my memory has started to go and I can truthfully no longer remember how old I am unless I stop and think about it.

Jenni

good...it's not just me!

9/12/2008 at 12:17 pm

So, I'm a step-mom to a 9-yr old and I'm 26. Now, granted her bio-mom is only a yr older than me. So it's not like I'm so much younger or anything like that. Anyways, back to what I was thinking originally. Most of my step-daughter's friends' parents are late 30s/early 40s. And there's one couple whose daughter she's friends with that happen to go to the same church as I do. And I'll run into them in the hall and always feel like I ought to be calling them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Not by their first names. And if she ever wants me to walk her into school, I feel like an imposter - not because I'm a step-mom, but because I feel like people might think I'm a big sister. I just feel like such a kid compared to the rest of the parents.

CoconutKate

hehehe...I can't wait!

9/12/2008 at 1:04 pm

I once had an older lady tell me that she used to occasionally surprise her kids by taking them out of school for half a day just to take them out to lunch or go play at the beach. I can't wait to be that mom. I have another year until (all-day...ugh) kindergarten, but I look forward to writing the all powerful "NoFAPs". Makes me at least feel like I'm in some sort of control! :0)

AnnF

9/12/2008 at 1:13 pm

I felt exactly the same way before I turned 30. That I was faking it and not really qualified to be a mom. I feel totally justified now to call myself Mom because my age no longer starts with a "2". It's nice to know someone out there is a little wierd about this, too!

Rocks In My Dryer

Oh, yes.

9/12/2008 at 1:19 pm

Cannot tell you how many times I look over my shoulder and wonder where the "real" parent is.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos

Hey, I'll be 30 in a few

9/12/2008 at 2:32 pm

Hey, I'll be 30 in a few months too...December. I wonder if I'll feel like a grown up by then! I'm starting to have my doubts because I hear that maturity is a gradual change and I haven't noticed anything yet..... ;o)

Carolee

not a good mom

9/12/2008 at 3:24 pm

I remember when a couple of my kids were with me when another mom was talking about how she would talk her kids into staying home from school when they felt the slightest bit queasy because she loved having them home from school and having one-on-one time with them. They gave me these scathing looks like "you don't love ME like she loves HER kids." I was always "you're not sick enough to stay home from school." But I did feel bad for them, growing up in Houston, that they didn't ever have the snow days that I remembered from my childhood in Minnesota. So I did sign them out for a pretend snow day once. Yes, note writing is a lot of power -- use the force wisely!

Anonymous

note for hubbies too!!

9/12/2008 at 3:27 pm

LOL. I had the same realization just a week or so ago. My husband works an ungodly amount of overtime and I think I asked if he could get off for something like a 4d ultrasound. Anywho, I offered to write his boss a note. Told hubby, I was a mom now. I had the POWER!! Anyone remember the Thundercats?? Maybe we should have a power shout with a symbol that goes out once we write that first NoFAP!

heffalump

Enjoy the power...you

9/12/2008 at 3:38 pm

Enjoy the power...you deserve it! It is scary though, how time flies by. I still don't feel like a grown up, and now I have six kids, and my oldest is going to be 12 in just five months. How did THAT happen? It only goes by faster the older your kids get too, so enjoy it while you can!

Rebecca

Amen, sistah-friend

9/12/2008 at 3:56 pm

I often wonder if my kids will ever figure out that I have no iDEA what I'm doing. I think I fake it well, in the meantime.

FarmWife

Just wait for the first

9/12/2008 at 3:59 pm

Just wait for the first one-on-one parent teacher confrence. That's a gut wrencher! BabyGirl is in second grade, and I still feel like an imposter. PTC make my palms sweat. I'm waiting to get called into the principal's office! And don't even get me started on what happens when a less than stellar grade comes home....I'm just waiting for my mother to ground me...and I'm 32!!

Wendy

you have 2 kids?? clearly,

9/12/2008 at 7:48 pm

you have 2 kids?? clearly, there was a mix up in the baby-having licensing department. you were ok'd for an iguana. :D

Carrie

Absolutely!

9/12/2008 at 8:30 pm

I feel this same way- I've only been a mom for 9 months, but, yes, I feel like, Um, should I really be the one responsible for this baby's health and well-being!?? :) I feel like I'm 'playing house' sometimes. :)

Sketchy

I didn't realize how much was ad-libbed

9/12/2008 at 11:11 pm

One of the first realizations I had as a parent was how little I knew. I guess I thought my parents had thoughtful, well-reasoned decisions for their actions. It just hit me how much was just made up as I went along, totally ad-libbed. I felt like I was getting away with something slightly sneaky. Like they would never have let me have this baby if they knew I didn't know anything. Now I'm annoyed at the NoFAP. I picked my son up from school sick the other day. I physically removed him from the school building. I had to be buzzed into the building to be assured I wasn't a scary meanie but indeed the mother of the sick boy in the nurse's office. And they still need a note? Really???

Nancy

FYI....it doesn't change

9/13/2008 at 2:03 am

FYI....it doesn't change much when you hit 30! I still think my Mom knows all, but I know that I don't know all...but my kiddos think I do! Wait, that means my Mom doesn't know all....bummer!

KYouell

Almost 43...

9/15/2008 at 1:25 pm

and I have no idea why I'm in charge of these critters. I read the comments about parent-teacher conferences and my palms got sweaty. Then I realized that I've already done 3 IFSP (and their 3 6-month updates) and an IEP. When I was training to be an interpreter these meetings sounded very official and businesslike. Now that I'm actually going to them as Mom it's not that big of a deal. My theory is that even the "professionals" are people. I just imagine myself there as the "professional mom" and remember that I'm in charge, they just have opinions. Then I use the word "homeschooling" and watch *them* have little fits. Hehehe. We're going on a trip soon and I'm going to have to write my first NoFAP. Woot!

MammaKat

My greatest fear

9/15/2008 at 4:56 pm

My greatest fear and re-occurring nightmare since I graduated from college has been this absolutely horrifying idea that one day THEY would realize that I am not really a grown up and would take all my toys away. This fear really took a life of its own when I bought my first home - signing that mortgage agreement. I couldn't believe anyone was willing to loan me that amount of money. I have been sleepless over it ever since. When I bought my first new car, again night terrors that THEY would realize their mistake and come take my toys away. We adopted our daughter two years ago. The adoption process was agony for me, partly due to the grip this fear of discovery has on me. Unlike having a bio kid, I actually had to convince someone that I was grown up enough to parent her child when she felt like she couldn't. Would she - with her bio-Mom credentials - see through me? Well, we fell in love with her, and I suppose she with us. She did choose us for her daughter. We have been parents for two years, I am in my mid-to-later-than-I-want-to-admit-thirties, now. But THEY still linger in my paranoia about masquerading as a grown up. I still don't want to give up my toys, and would certainly never part with my daughter. It is nice to know that so many other women feel this way, too. Here's to us and the charade!

msoleil

''Pre-middle-aged''!!!!??!??!?!!

9/15/2008 at 7:34 pm

I'm going to hit 30 in a few months...I was not really happy about that but now that I know that it is going to make me pre-middle-aged, I feel A LOT better! A LOT! Thanks! ;)

Dana

I am almost 30!

9/20/2008 at 1:47 pm

I am almost 30!

Gypsy505

You NEVER figure it out

9/30/2008 at 9:56 am

I have been all the way through to the other side and you never figure it out. There is always a new phase, which means a place you as the parent have likely never been even if you have multiple children, cuz they are all different. You just do your best, and you will because your children are your priority. Then when things don't turn out the way you had hoped you can look back with no regrets, knowing you did your best. Kids do what they want to do, they are individuals and no mater how hard you try to be the perfect parent, they will make some choices that don't make you proud. That just isn't your fault. You can be proud of the positive choices the make, hopefully it will balance out. Enjoy your kids, don't waste time worrying about "are you doing a good job". Just do the very best you can with the tools you may have been given, by you parents who were flying by the seat of their pants 100!