They Say

If One More Person Tells Me How Tired I'm Going to Be, I Will Stab Them with a Plastic Toddler Fork

By Mighty Maggie on Thursday, July 17, 10:23 am EDT

I have two months left to go with this pregnancy. It's even more frightening when I convert it to weeks. Eight! Half of me is, "OMG, EIGHT MORE WEEKS. AM GOING TO DIE," and the other half is all, "Pregnant? When did that happen? Seriously? Another baby?"

I made oatmeal raisin cookies today and ate about twelve of them for lunch, because you are totally allowed to do that if you're pregnant. When Jack went down for his naps I opted to sleep too, instead of unloading the dishwasher and folding the laundry. My husband is working late tonight so dinner was a frozen pizza and more oatmeal cookies. I spent the entire day in a messy ponytail, a maternity tank top I've worn all week plus the shorts I slept in. I'm sure I dazzled the neighbors the one time I ventured outside, to water the plants and get the mail. I am one hot pregnant lady, that's for sure.

I've also entered the dreaded Cannot Find A Comfortable Sleeping Position To Save My Life stage. More than once today I've soothed myself by thinking, "Maybe the baby will come early!"

YEAH RIGHT.

Also, the part of me that is still getting used to this pregnant thing? NOT AMUSED. See, there are a whole lot of things I am not prepared for. This baby has nowhere to sleep, for one thing, even though I've been ~~nagging~~ reminding my husband for weeks that we need to buy a portable crib. Her car seat is in storage in my in-laws' garage. She has no bedding, hardly any clothes, and no name. The one thing she can look forward to is a rotten time breastfeeding as her mother has completely blocked out all breastfeeding memories and can't even rely on the comfort of experience.

Then there's the one thing people can't stop saying, the one thing that equally freaks out both sides of my pregnant brain: "Two babies! Twice the work!"

OH JOY.

Can I be more tired than I am right now? After not sleeping half the night and hauling two dozen grocery bags into the house and chasing my toddler away from the stairs and the oven and the cabinet full of Mommy's Breakable Things? And can anything make me feel more unprepared? Because, to be honest, I feel that my one kid is quite enough work for me.

Every once in a while I hear something helpful. "Oh," my mom said the other day, "you can give two kids a bath in the same time it takes to do one!" A neighbor lady suggested I buy Jack a baby doll with a bottle, so he has something important to do when I'm feeding his sister. And a friend of mine who just had her second baby says it's not half as world-turning-upside-down as having the first one. Of course, she's already lost the baby weight so I can't take her seriously.

I need some Two Babies Positive Energy, Internet! I know it's going to be hard. I know it's going to be work. I know I'll never sleep again, blah blah blah. Now tell me the GOOD parts! The fun parts! Because, unless I'm mistaken, some people have third and fourth babies and they can't ALL be crazy.

_____

Visit Mighty Maggie's personal blog.

Genelle

Encouragement

7/17/2008 at 11:42 am

Maggie, My mom birthed and raised six kids and if she were writing this comment she'd tell you that once you have more then one child it just sort of gets easier the more you have. You're already working to care for one so adding another isn't as hard as it might seem. Especially when you have older kids and smaller babies. The older siblings can be a big help. So have courage, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Also, I'm in my first 7 weeks of my first pregnancy and I'm certain that no one could be more tired then I am right now. Please give me hope for the end of my pregnancy and tell me it's not as tough as the beginning. I'm begging! :) lol!

rma910

I can't speak from

7/17/2008 at 12:37 pm

I can't speak from experience, but I do know from reading your blog that you are an AMAZING mother and you are going to do a GREAT job raising two children!
:) becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

Anonymous

Two kids = twice the

7/17/2008 at 12:50 pm

Two kids = twice the love. Cheesy, I know, but true.

Heather

Find a picture of Jack the

7/17/2008 at 1:15 pm

Find a picture of Jack the day he was born. Presto! :-)

Mart

You'll do great

7/17/2008 at 2:39 pm

Ive got three kids now and it does get easier as you go on. The hardest that we ever found it was with the first born. Now you have the experience and knowledge you know what your putting yourself up against its definatly second nature. Wish you well and good look.

A Antiquites

If you stab them...

7/17/2008 at 2:43 pm

Maybe after they will understand that you are really tired.

Lynette

Fewer neuroses with the 2nd

7/17/2008 at 3:21 pm

My two are almost 5 years apart, so we had been far from all things baby when we started over. Yeah, the lack of sleep thing was a pain, and the 2nd one is always totally different from the first so you have to adjust to that, but really it's liberating to NOT be focusing so much on a newborn. You just can't with another one around, so you make better choices and are easier on yourself about not doing what you used to think you should be doing. We freaked out about taking our first one on a 4-hour drive when he was 6 months old, then due to moving and a family emergency had to take the 2nd one on 2 10-hour drives in one month when he was 3 months old. We just did it and basically, no problem. Also, my brother and I are <2yrs apart and my mom said she'd have me bring a book to her when she was nursing him so that was our special reading time.

Anonymous

Positive Energy

7/17/2008 at 3:58 pm

I know exactly how you feel! I'm due on Christmas-mine will be 22 months apart! Yes, we are crazy. And I totally relate to having nothing prepared. By this point in my 1st pregnancy, I already had the nursery completely finished. New baby has nothing. Even all the stuff from my 1st is gone. No bassinet, etc. I just try to remember that women much older than me (nothing against older moms) have been doing the same thing and more for millenia before me, with far fewer modern conviences. When I am still discouraged after that, I remember what my grandma has told me about every awful parenting experience since childbirth-"It will not kill you, as much as you wish it would." And yeah, it's totally ok to stab people with forks. You can get away with anything when you're pregnant.

Jen

Experience helps. And older siblings=more love

7/17/2008 at 4:59 pm

You may not feel like you know what you're doing, but you do. Every time the new baby does something, you'll have memories from your first to compare it with, to remember, "oh, my pediatrician told me that was no big deal." You have figured out things about yourself as a mother, the way you like to parent, and you'll put those into practice with your second without even thinking about it. Also, watching your older sibling give kisses and hugs to a new baby is the most heart-melting thing ever. As soon as your new baby is able to interact even a little bit, they'll be playing together a lot. Sometimes they even entertain each other so well they don't need you! I don't want to give you the idea it's going to be a breeze--it's not. I'm on No. 3 now, and I certainly have my moments of thinking it's all too much and I can't handle it--but I had those moments when I had only one baby, too. And I don't think they're necessarily any more frequent than they were back then. I think being occasionally overwhelmed just is part of being a parent, no matter how many kids you have. Most of the time, I have a lot of fun with my girls. I'm sure you will too.

Ayiesha

What were we thinking?

7/17/2008 at 5:49 pm

I ask myself "What was I thinking" practically every night that goes by that I toss and turn in bed trying to find a comfortable position... as I watch my husband sleep like a baby! I'm 9 months pregnant with my second. My first is 20 months old and is all boy!! This baby will not come.. due in 4 days, yet no sign of thinning or dilation. What?!! Is this punishment for something I did in a past life? I can't remember what it was like to be pregnant with my first, so maybe it was just like this. When I really stop to think about it though, I'm so happy! I'll be a mother of two boys!! I can't imagine what they'll be like, but if I use my current as judge, they'll be just like the definition of boys on their toy box "A noise with dirt on it." I also understand the dilemma with not having anything ready. I've forgotten what a newborn needs. Oh yeah, a place to sleep and maybe some diapers..don't forget the onesies and the receiving what? I feel you. And if one more person asks me if I'm having twins, I might just... Aside from that... pure JOY!!

Jodie

You are going to be just

7/17/2008 at 7:32 pm

You are going to be just fine. I think having your first baby is like suddenly landing on another planet... no matter how prepared you think you are, you suddenly realise that you have no idea what is happening. But the second, with the second you have already been to that planet. You are already a mother. You already have parenting skills. You may think you have forgotten all the newborn stuff, but it just does come back to you. Sure you will be tired, but it will pass. It will be busy, but it will also be so much fun. The first time Jack snuggles with his sibling your heart will melt. It will be totally worth it.

Donna

Just had my FOURTH baby

7/17/2008 at 8:29 pm

Yes, if you think you get those "tired" comments when you're pregnant with your second, try having four - especially if you previously told everyone on the planet you intended to stop at three. I was worried before our second arrived: what if I don't love him as much? What if they both need me at once? Who do I rescue first if the building is on fire, and what does my choice say about me as a mom? But then he arrived, and he was perfect in every way, and somehow I managed just fine, mostly. I do remember having a brief meltdown the first time they both cried at once and I didn't know what to do. And I did it again the first time three cried together. And four. But it's kind of like working in triage in the ER - you just assess who is crying more urgently, and deal with that problem first. Yes you will be tired, mostly because that whole "nap when the baby naps" thing will seem like a distant dream. But you'll read books to the big baby while you nurse the little baby, and you'll invent games like "lets see who can stay still the longest here on Mommy's pillow." And don't even think about making fancy meals or doing laundry for awhile. Then one day you'll wake up and realize the baby slept through the night, and you'll take both kids to the grocery store and manage just fine, and you might even toss in a load of laundry coz both kids are napping at once. You'll have one of those days, and you'll realize you can do it, and you'll feel really darn good about yourself. And then, because those days are few and far between, you should immediately lie down and take a nap. Because for the rest of your life - you'll be tired. Congratulations, emailfromtheembassy.blogspot.com

Jen

I'm 2 and a half months into

7/17/2008 at 9:14 pm

I'm 2 and a half months into parenting two kids. (My first is 2.5). It's hard, sure. And oh yes, the sleep factor is pretty brutal in the beginning. But nursing is MUCH easier than I expected... the first and I read or watch a movie or she brings me toys. People are always willing to help you out, so take advantage of that. It's like juggling, but in some ways, (ok as they're young, most ways), it's easier every day. Oh, and my second didn't have a name til I delivered. Don't feel bad... once she comes, you'll forget that.

Anonymous

The Best Part

7/17/2008 at 10:56 pm

The absolute best part of more than one child....when they are all old enough to play with each other. I have three: 11, 5, and 15 months. Sure you have to wait a while, but boy is it worth it.

Kathleen

It all falls into place

7/17/2008 at 11:15 pm

My 3rd turned 6 months old yesterday. His older sisters are almost 38 months and 18 months old. I get so tired of everyone telling me that I'm busy. I know I'm busy, but I'm also enjoying watching my 18 month old trying to "feed" her brother the baby doll bottle and that my 3 year old asks where her brother is before anything else when she wakes up in the morning or from her nap. I don't rest a lot and the first few months of my baby's life have literally flown by, but I love it and I wouldn't change it for anything. You just take care of whoever is in more urgent need. Also, when I was pregnant with #2 someone told me to remember your oldest will remember more that you helped them rather than clung to the baby's every cry. I end up with 3 squished in my lap many times and I put one down to help another, and I feel overwhelmed at times. I then remember that we're only given in life what we can handle, no matter how hard it may seem at the time and that they will only be this age once and before I know it off on their own and I relax and try to enjoy it. My house will one day be clean, I won't find teddy grahams in the couch, but for now, I'm experiencing everything new again through their eyes. Oh, yeah, and I didn't have the problem some of my friends had with older kids' small toys- we never had small pieces to have to hide or take away for safety's sake! You'll enjoy it and wonder what it was like to only have one around.

daring one

two kids = awesome

7/18/2008 at 12:36 pm

Oh my gosh Maggie. Two is the best. Even from the beginning, they help distract each other. Later they will play and that's great but even from the start, it's nice to have someone besides yourself providing the entertainment all day.

Sarah

I've been watching your

7/18/2008 at 2:27 pm

I've been watching your blog, because I have a little one just a few months older than Jack (I think) and I'm having a new one a few months after you (I think), so it's sort of like getting to watch somebody else go through it first. :) Ours will be 22 months apart. I know that it probably will be hard, at least at first, but just think how well the children will play together in a few years! And a lot of people have mentioned the obvious... you're not going into this blind this time, you know what worked with your first one, you're not doing things for the first time. Sure, every kid will be different, but I think the experience of the first one will make the second one different. And you *can* give two kids baths in about the time it takes to give one a bath. And feed two (once the new baby is eating solids) at the same time, and read to the older while you nurse the younger, etc. It's not *double* the work in quite the way people think. I've heard that the third is the hardest, 'cuz that's when you have more kids than hands!

Renae du jour

Cancelling by multiplying?

7/18/2008 at 7:50 pm

My husband and I are planning on having another child and a very kind woman at a playground told me that the second child cancels out the work of the first and that the third is all fun. I'm not sure where she learned math, but I thought her though process was lovely.

jk2boys

Oh, the joys of watching

7/19/2008 at 12:20 am

Oh, the joys of watching your children grow, laugh and play together. Sharing cookies straight from the bag. Morning hugs. I remember the first time my oldest got a boo boo, but didn't want a hug from me, he wanted a hug from his brother. They are friends and they care for each other in such an amazing way that makes this Mom forget how tired she was/ sometime is. I'm LOVING having two! And yes, I even want 3! Call me crazy. I think everyone should have at least one sibling. They are great friends.

rodiemom

You'll make it

7/19/2008 at 2:11 pm

Mine first 2 are 17 mos apart and I still can't figure out how I managed. My little girl would climb up on the couch with her baby while I nursed my boy. She was so eager to help and would bring me diapers and toys and blankies. The toughest part was getting them to nap at the same time, but once you accomplish that, it's a breeze. Don't forget that you get a 2 day vacation (read: hospital stay) to start you off. In fact, that's what I looked forward to most when I had my second and third. Just tell all the people who remind you how tired you will be that you're already exhausted. At least when the baby comes you'll actually fall asleep when you lie down.

Amanda

Two kids!

7/19/2008 at 9:48 pm

Okay, I know exactly what you are going through. Except, on top of all your worries about how it will be when the baby finally is here, and being unprepared for it, and getting 'used' to being pregnant, and the delivery again, and everything else there is to worry about, I had the worst pain in the world from my hips spreading! I couldnt even move it hurt so bad. So although I was terrified of waking up every three hours and having an insanely hyper 3 year old to deal with, I couldnt wait to get it over with. I talked to my doctor about getting induced again, because I was induced with my son. He said the earliest he could do an induction was 1 week early. so 39 weeks. I took it!!!! I was also so worried about going into labor being 45 minutes, at LEAST, from my hospital! Now I have a beautiful 3 month old and surprisingly LESS stress. I remember before having her i used to be stressed out to the max with my son. I had to get out of the house take a breather, without making it too obvious because after all, he is just being a toddler! But now that I have my baby, who at 3 months already sleeps through the night, 10pm-8am, if I get frustrated with my son, she is all smiles, and they just suck the frustrations right out of me! Now I dont know if that will last forever, but I was like you when I was pregnant. I didnt even think I was going to like my baby. But now that I got her I would trade anything for the world. And my son is just awesome with her. I couldnt ask for a better big brother either! Dont worry, once your baby gets here, it will all be fine. After that month or so of sleepless nights, it will be heavenly bliss!

5'scompany

Having two helps the baby weight truly "melt" off

7/20/2008 at 1:16 pm

To be honest, the hardest thing I ever did was to have my first baby. I was completely unprepared mentally and still have regrets about all the first time mommy mistakes I made. My second was born only 13 months after my first and the ease of shifting back into having an infant was a HUGE RELIEF. I was able to finally let go of all the perceived rules and expectations and simply be a mom of an infant and toddler. I finally understood the phrase "whatever works" and still embraced it with a vengeance! Additionally, after having gained over 60 pounds with each pregnancy, there wasn't enough time in the day for comfort food so exactly one year after my second was born I weighed less than I had since high school. I had my third about 2 2/3 years later and they are all old enough now (almost 3, almost 6 and almost 7) to be spending the summer conspiring against my husband and me as they roll back carpets, take pretend naked baths in the basement and mysteriously break our treadmill. Unfortunately, I have now found plenty of time for the comfort food so that treadmill will be missed...

Bethany

Waay cooler than I thought...

7/20/2008 at 4:59 pm

I have a twelve year old boy, a just-turned-two year old girl, and an almost four month old. My two year old, Sally is... um... fiesty. Always has been. I like 'high need' to explain her. Anyway, we figured we were in for pure hell when the baby was coming. Nothing is further from the truth. Sally LOVES the baby. 'my baby' she says. My oldest son loves them both. Not to say it's pure roses and cherries ALL the time, but wow. It's AWESOME. Good luck, it'll be fun, you'll see.

Anonymous

Been There Done That

7/26/2008 at 8:07 am

Maggie, My boys are 9 months and 24 days apart...yes you read correctly my husband and i are completely insane. The work was there of course and the tired, but my second is my cuddler, my lover baby, my singer. They are 4 and 5 now and we are expecting a new sibling in December. They are all sure the new baby is a girl and secretly i might be praying they are right. Somehow the second was less work than the first in many ways, but that may just be because my first was entering a climbing phase while my second was learning to sit up.... but by the time the second reached that climbing phase it didnt matter there was nothing left in our house to climb we had already been there and done that and gotten rid of it.... by the time the second figured out baby latches and baby gates it didnt matter we had already compensated for his brother and improvised bigger and better safety measures cause...we had been there and done that... have no fear you will make it through and it will in its tiring way be a great joy, and in a few years you will hear or see some younger mom wondering how shes going to deal with two and you will tell her she will make it cause its twice the fun and you know cause you have been there and done that.... Steff

mombrud

Try not to worry so much!

8/22/2008 at 1:40 am

Try not to worry so much! When I asked my friend about how to handle 3 she gave me this advice "lower your standards". It sounds like that should be against the rules and society tells us we should be able to do everything. I would change it slightly to: evaluate your priorities. That bathroom will still be there, the dishes will wait for you, and the kitchen floor isn't THAT sticky. Don't let the things that never stay done make you miss making a memory with your children. You also need to realize that children need to learn to share (even sharing mommy time) and a little crying is actually good for them. We live in a world of instant gratification, living in a multiple child family teaches patience, thinking of others, conflict resolution... the list goes on and on! You are giving your children wonderful opportunities!

L. Hicks

18 month old + twins!

12/5/2008 at 1:27 pm

I have an 18 month old and am due in two weeks with twins... a boy and a girl. All I hear from people is "You are going to be so busy!" I'm totally with you on wanting to stab each and every one of them with a fork. Forget the toddler fork... I want to use a heavy duty 3 inch prong fork! It's like "Duh! Really?? Never thought about being busy". People have also seriously asked me if we "planned" on having twins, like I'm crazy for wanting to do that when I already have a toddler at home. Good grief! Weren't even planning on getting pregnant, and somebody please explain to me how I could have planned twins?? Oh, well. After several months of crying I am now excited about their upcoming arrival. I know that it will feel like I will never get to sleep again, but I count my blessings for the fact that I will have 3 kids when I was once told I might never have children. I have several friends who have not been able to have kids of their own, and also two who have lost babies and were due at the same time as me (One died in utero, the other a week after birth). I know that those two friends in particular would do anything to be in my situation, so I think that keeping them in mind, particularly when I am frustrated, will keep me going!