And It's Going to Be Hotter TOMORROW

If you follow any West Coast bloggers I'm sure you are sick of hearing about the heat wave. Especially if you live in one of the states from which we Pacific Northwesterners appear to have stolen summer. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Again? Really? Have Pacific Northwesterners any imagination at all?" And I am here to tell you: No. We are captive to our weather, and the doom and gloom of the average forecast is what feeds our art. This sun stuff leaves us stymied.

The sad thing is that if I wasn't in charge of getting two small people to eat and nap and pass the time, I'd be LOVING this weather. I've been known to spend hours poolside with trashy novels and wile away blisteringly hot afternoons wearing a cute sundress and drinking frosty cocktails with friends. This motherhood thing has made me desperately uncool. Instead of spending a 90+ degree day in a smokin' bathing suit and a celebrity gossip mag, you'll find me in my pajamas, the sleep still in my eyes, filling up the five dollar kiddie pool and slathering sunscreen on my fidgety kids until they resemble tiny Kabuki dancers. And that's at eight in the morning. What the heck are we supposed to do for the rest of the day?

I've never seen the mall so crowded. We even ran into friends at lunchtime in the food court, although I don't know why I was so surprised, as if all the stay-at-home moms didn't immediately zero in on The Mall as their heat wave survival method of choice. We considered the library, until a friend informed me it wasn't air conditioned. We discussed the wading pool, except I still haven't figured out how to do that with a walker and a not-yet-walker. (An ACTUAL pool is light years beyond my skill level. I think we have to save that until I reach the Mothering Bonus Level and have five extra lives.) We made plans for the Children's Museum and the beach later in the week, but what about TODAY? In desperation, I invited ourselves over to a friend's shady backyard and deposited my children into *her* five dollar kiddie pool. And then demanded a mint julep.

My mother called, all, "How are the BABIES doing? Isn't it TOO HOT in their rooms? What have you DONE about that? Did you get FANS? Heavy duty SHADES? I hear the stores are all out of the cheap air conditioners but they might have a few of the million dollar ones left, what about getting my grandbabies one of THOSE?" Which is why we are going to Grandma's house tomorrow, where it will be just as hot, but at least she will have only herself to blame for my sweaty un-nappers.

That's one thing, though -- suddenly I am bursting with sympathy when my kid doesn't fall asleep at his assigned nap time. Of course he can't sleep because it's so hot I could bake a cake in his crib. (Jack: "Want! Cake!") Eventually I got him out of bed and tried having him sleep in my room, away from the afternoon sun. He was fine as long as I was sitting right next to him, but as soon as I tried to leave, he howled. Hot, sweaty, how-can-you-be-doing-this-to-me howls. After a few more tries, I took him back to his own bed where he fell asleep nearly two hours past Standard Nap Time -- and good thing…because?

I needed a good hour to stand in front of the refrigerator door.

So go ahead, all you hot-weather dwellers. Tell me how much you DON'T feel sorry for me. It's ninety where I am? Well it's FOUR HUNDRED and ninety where you are. I can take it. I'll only suggest that you should get your own blogs, so you can vent your frustration with the Unjust Nature of the Universe just like me. It doesn't cool you off, but it's SO satisfying.

Hope you are all keeping cool. And if you are keeping cool whether you like it or not, I do have a few extra degrees I wouldn't mind shipping.