8 moments in parenting, Spring Edition

1. Please stop sending me dress-up clothes

Well-intentioned friends and relatives have been sending us dress-up clothes. A bevy of princess dresses can trash a bedroom in less than five minutes. The cleanup time is substantially greater, and accompanied by a soundtrack of whining and negotiation:

"Honey, you clean up these dresses and I'll help you zip it."

"But I caaaaaan't. I'm too tiiiiired."

"You pick up these pink ones, honey, and daddy will help with the rest."

"But daddy, it's too hard."

"If you weren't tired enough to make this mess, you aren't tired enough to clean it up."

"But I caaaaan't. Waaaaaaaaaaaahh."

Please. No. More. Dress up clothes.

2. Frack isn't a swear word, except when it is

I'm a huge fan of Battlestar Galactica on the Sci Fi Network. The characters use the made-up word "frack" as a swear word, and I'll admit it's infiltrated my own vocabulary. I say it to amuse myself with a private reference to one of my favorite shows.

That was fine until Grace said, "What's 'frack'?".

Try explaining that one to a five-year-old (or the parents who hear her use it on the playground). That's it, "Frack" is officially a swear word.

3. Further evidence found of my increasing age

Is it me, or is TV really, really loud lately? I have to keep the volume at 3 or 4, or else I can't even stand it. It must be those advertising executives, because I'm still a 22-year-old kid just out of college with a 32" waist line.

4. Confusion at the playground

So the kids and I were at the playground, and Grace and I were driving "cars" (actually sticks) in the sandbox. She made a road and a tunnel, and parked her car inside. Then she told me, "I'm hiding because I love you."

Um, ok.

5. Daddy's dinosaur rock

Which fact should be the most embarrassing?

   1. I got really excited when my iPod started playing "Lay It Down" by Ratt
   2. I still knew all the words
   3. I even have "Lay It Down" on my iPod in the first place

Just in case you're wondering, I was waiting out my daughter's swim class at the Y when this happened.

6. Girl clothing is ridiculous

My wife and I had this conversation.

"...Just put these under her skirt so she's not flashing her Friday underwear all day," she said.

"But those are pants."

"No, they're 'footless tights.'"

"Also called 'pants.'"

"No."

Uh, yes.

7. Good night, poo poo

William: "The potty is where poo poos go if they're sleepy and they want to go night-night."

8. I'm officially a "Soccer Dad"

...and my wife, a soccer mom. We celebrated by buying Soccer Mom Barbie (yes, it's real). All I need now is an emasculating mini van.

I will say this, though. Five-year-olds in soccer gear is about the cutest frackin' thing I've ever seen. Oops, sorry.

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