We’re into Dan’s second week of paternity leave and I’ve decided that I love being half of a stay-at-home mom. Our relationship and parenting style has come to resemble something like doubles beach ball volleyball minus the teeny bikinis.

I do the breastfeeding and Dan takes over for the belch and diaper change. I sleep in late while he packs the kids’ lunches, gets them dressed, feeds them breakfast, and takes them to school. He takes an afternoon nap while I play a game with Magoo, and then he wakes up in time to get Laylee from the bus stop. He loads the dishwasher and I unload. He sets the table for the food-eaters among us while I feed the baby AGAIN. You get the idea.

Last Wednesday, my wife had meetings that kept her at work late, so I was scheduled to bring them to her classroom at 3:00 for the parking lot swap. We've done The Swap countless times over the years. In fact, the kids love going to the classroom with all its interesting toys and whatnot.

I was getting the kids dressed with about half an hour to spare -- a personal best, I might add. After zipping William's coat, I told him, "All right, you're free to go." As he turned to run, the toe of his shoe clipped my own ever so slightly and sent him, face first, into the brick of the fireplace hearth.

It was one of those Six Million Dollar Man moments in which my brain calculated his trajectory almost instantly, and thrust my hand towards him as he fell in slow motion. I never caught up, and watched his head bounce off the bricks with a horrible sound like a wet bag of sand.

My wife is a teacher, which means we enjoy a work-free week every February. We try to devote those seven days to family time, and this year we amped it up by visiting my parents in Florida.

We had a great time, and I learned a lot while in The Sunshine State. Here is the complete list.

1. If the screaming child on the airplane isn't my own, I can listen to her for hours. Remember THAT plane ride? You know the one I mean. You were single and childless, and the shouting, snotting, red-faced scream machine sitting in the seat behind you was stomping on your very last nerve. With each bellow, you contemplated how you could get her out of the plane and plummeting towards the earth.

That kid was on my flight from Florida to Boston. She screamed like her pony tails were in a bear trap. Here's the amazing part: I didn't mind at all. In fact, I was so darn grateful that she wasn't one of my own, and I honestly was unmoved by her wailing. Now that's incredible.

"...I’m gonna be like you, Dad. You know I’m gonna be like you...." - Harry Chapin

"I shall call him...Mini Me." - Dr. Evil

"Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son." - Darth Vader

I'm a nerd. Before you say, "Oh, Dave, no you're not," let me stop you. Yes, I am, and I love it.

I watch Nova. I've seen the Star Wars movies more often than George Lucas. Charts and graphs make me happy. I long for my days in band (not "a band" like Van Halen, but "band," like "ride in the school bus with the woodwind section.").

Oh, my God. Dave's back.

If you're one of my nine regular readers, you may have noticed my absence. For the three of you who missed me, I'll offer an explanation.

As for the remaining six of you, I know what you're thinking. Oh, Dave was just sitting around that new Starbucks they put in the supermarket, drinking four dollar lattes, listening to music meant for 20 year olds and touching his iPhone. That's because I've been  sitting around that new Starbucks they put in the supermarket, drinking four dollar lattes, listening to music meant for 20 year olds and touching my iPhone.

I've also been thinking about work, family, priorities, the kids and my place in all of it. Let's start at the beginning.