Lucas has officially set the world record for longest meltdown. As of yesterday, it's been going on for 10 days. Yes, he has moments of sweetness (like when he's sleeping!), but those moments are few and far between, often overshadowed by the screaming and obstinacy that has overtaken the boy we used to know.

Most child development books talk of the "terrible two's" as the cataclysmic event for which to prepare. But with Lucas, 2 came and went, business as usual — it wasn't until he turned 3 that hysteria became a regular part of our routine. Maybe Lucas is a late bloomer and the angst usually associated with 2 is now catching up with us. Or maybe 2 really isn't that bad, and the books and folklore need to be revised to address the "threatening three's."

Regardless of what's causing the seismic shift in Lucas's demeanor, the meltdowns are wreaking havoc on the rest of us. Six out of seven mornings, Lucas wakes up "in a mood," leaving my mom and me to battle over who will go into his room first.

Son:

Ah, you're growing up so quickly. Why, just this morning you pulled yourself onto your sister's bed for the first time, much to the amazement of the dog, whose interest in you was rewarded by a barrage of stuffed animals to the face and head. And you wonder why she snaps at you.

It's been a few months since our last virtual man-to-man (or man-to-toddler) chat. We're a little older, a little wiser — and a little closer to the years when you'll want nothing to do with me. Thus, it's time for another talk. Like I said last time, this is important, so pay attention.

1. Learn how to make a decent paper airplane. Don't scoff, this is an essential life skill. A good paper airplane will allow you to entertain yourself, impress your friends, annoy your teachers, and even amaze other kids once you're an adult like your old man. It requires only a single sheet of paper, so you can whip one out almost anywhere — the airport, a restaurant, Easter Sunday Mass — and often for free. What's more, you can use almost anything you find lying around, like a place mat or a parking ticket.

All week long I have been waiting.

Waiting for that one comic anecdote, that shining insight that I'd use as the basis for my latest post here on the blog.

Nothing came.

There were a number of smaller moments that were somewhat noteworthy, but none of them fodder for a full-on post.

However, I thought, if I collected these into one comprehensive review, we'd have something. So, here we are. This blogger's week in review.

I like to think that I have a handle on the 3-year-old language. "Doesn't your three-year-old speak English?" you ask. Well yes, but she uses the toddler dialect. Here's an example.

Earlier today, we were at the grocery store picking up a pack of diapers and some milk. On the way home, Grace announced that she wants to play with "...that toy" when we got home. "Which toy is that?" I ask her. "That toy you put on your knee," she answered.

Hmm. That toy you put on your knee. My mind set to work on the problem. "Grace," I said, "What is the toy that you put on your knee?" "You know that toy," she said, laughing dismissively at what must have been a joke on my part. "Oh, no, I sure don't," I thought.