If you have kids – especially teenagers – that need to be dropped off or picked up at school, you will probably encounter at least one of these rules in some form at some point in your career as a chauffeur. Here are the rules as declared by my teens followed by my own version. For the record, my rules trump theirs.

Last week I celebrated my 39th birthday. I am not one of those women who becomes upset at the mention of her age. In fact, I am proud of the things I have done in the past 39 years (for the most part). So there I am enjoying my day and not pondering age or crow’s feet or wrinkles, when my eight-year-old daughter asked me how old I was.

I told her.

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, I surveyed the damage that a long weekend has caused. How could my somewhat neat and working-on-becoming-organized house look like it is the victim of vandals, looters, and general havoc-wreckers?

From the laboratory that is often known as the kitchen, I have the (sometimes) unfortunate ability to see the kids’ playroom and the family room. Standing at my kitchen sink, I looked from one room to the next and I wept. No, I sobbed. No, actually I supposed what I did would better be described as a total breakdown, with the additional flair of having my head spin in circles (a la Linda Blair) while I spewed (not pea soup, but) fresh brewed coffee all over my what-does-it-matter-because-it-is-already-filthy kitchen counter top.

I always have the best intentions when it comes to having family outings. This weekend was no exception. I decided it would be great fun to take the kids to the State Fair of Texas. As it usually happens, somewhere between the planning and the execution I realize that it is actually difficult to find an activity that all three kids will enjoy, seeing as they range in age from 7 to 15.

I assumed the Fair would be perfect. Great rides and exhibits for both kids and teens.

It is that time of year already. It is time for the parent/teacher conference. I had mine at the crack of dawn before school yesterday. Early. It was still dark outside, and I only had time for one cup of coffee before I had to be there. Again, it was very early. I don’t really do well with early, but that is not the point.

I have a confession to make when it comes to these conferences: I don’t like them.