MILF in the Eye of the Beholder

There are a few words that skeeve me, like, a visceral, shuddering feeling along the back of my neck and in my throat. Having to listen to them again and again would seriously test my gag reflex.

Most of these words, thankfully, don't tend to come up in regular conversation. I can't remember the last time I had cause to discuss the Falange (eeeew -- doesn't that sound gross? It was, actually, if you think of fascist groups as gross. I do.) I try not to say puss or use the word succulent and I can avoid the word moist with great dexterity. (MOYst. Ick)

But one word (rather, an acronym used as a word) I can't get away from, and that that regularly makes me want to puke, is MILF.

Obviously it's not the idea that a mother might, in fact, inspire the odd erection that I have an issue with. The more maternally-inspired erections the better, I say! I'm pro-erection. Free erections, free elections. That's my motto, Mr. Supreme Leader.

Back to MILFs: Yeah, sure, it would be nice if the idea that a mom might be sexually desirable weren't such a fringe concept that it required a separate acronym, but ok. And I prefer pure compliments, rather than the mixed sentiment expressed in the term, which I hear as, Despite the fact that she's a mother, I'd f&*% her. Gee, thanks. The term MILF embraces that crusty old mother/whore split which has been freaking men out since the first whore became a mother (which was bound to happen given the sorry state of Biblical era birth control) by putting mothers in a category separate from women in general, in terms of their potential desireability.

But mostly MILF gives me the heebie jeebies because MILF sounds like milk, which I dislike unless there's chocolate in it. Associating milk and mothers makes me think of breastfeeding, which makes me think of all those months of pumping in my office, storing the milk in the communal fridge and carrying home little leaky plastic sacs of milk for my girls. Not sexy. It also makes me think of my dad's uncle Milton, and of Millard Fillmore, our 13th President.

The only thing that skeeves me more than the word MILF is women who call themselves MILFs in any kind of serious way. I went on Flickr in the Creative Commons section to search for a photo to accompany Laura's post and just for the hell of it typed in "MILF." What came up was photo after photo of one mother in her 40s, apparently named Lynda. Lynda on the beach in a bikini, Lynda at a party, Lynda in an office environment, a MILF for every occasion. Lynda posted them herself, along with the claim that she gets 6000 views a day, and testimonials as to her MILFliness.

I maintain that you cannot call yourself a MILF, even if you really, really want to, even if you think you look super duper MILFly. It is not a self-designated term, as indicated by the "I." Another person has to deem you a MILF.

Which is another reason I hate the word: it's disempowering. You have no control over whether or not you're a MILF -- it's up to some guy with a beer cozy surfing the web.

What do you think of MILF? Do you hate it as much as I do? What can be used in its place, a word that's truly complimentary? Let me know your thoughts!

Read more on Stephanie's blog, Formerly Hot!