Tuesday, November 3, 12:34 pm EST

There's a North Carolina-based group called College Bound Sisters that gives girls a stipend toward college, if they make it through the program without getting pregnant.

Read Teenage girls earn extra cash for college -- as long as they don't get pregnant 

From the article:

"In 1997, [Drs. Hazel Brown and Rebecca Saunders] turned their focus to primary pregnancy prevention, founding College Bound Sisters for girls 12 to 16 -- considered high-risk because their sisters were teenage mothers.

…The program is controversial on several levels. Abstinence is not required of participants; the program offers information on both birth control and safe sex, which doesn't sit well with those who support abstinence-only education. Other critics believe the government should not pay teens to do what's in their own self-interest.

Indeed, many of the girls who join the program initially are motivated by the money. But they stay, Brown says, because of the support they receive and the opportunity to get a college education. "You can't work toward a negative," she says, "so saying 'Don't get pregnant' isn't good enough. This program gives them something to work toward."

Only six girls of the 125 enrolled for six months or longer have become pregnant. About 40 have already finished high school, and 10 have graduated from college….North Carolina ranks eighth in the nation for teen pregnancies. The $75,000 annual cost for the programs run by Planned Parenthood and College Bound sisters pales next to the $500,000 a teen pregnancy can cost taxpayers for health care and welfare."

What do you think about this program? Do the ends (more at-risk girls going to college) justify the means (dangling cash in front of them)?

 


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Monday, June 8, 1:00 pm EDT

Back during the last big recession, about 20 years ago, I briefly waitressed in an establishment where scantily-clad ladies took the stage to perform acrobatics for a mostly-male audience. The stint didn’t last long, and I kept my own clothes on the entire time, but it was a definite life-changer.

Why do I mention it? Because a co-worker and I were talking lately about what we would or wouldn’t tell our kids about our crazy, messy youths, and it occurred to me that, despite the fact that I learned so much about myself and my beliefs during that time—i.e., stay in school so, during a recession, you have the luxury of fully-clothed coworkers—I will never, ever, ever, tell my kid about any of it. (And neither will you. Shhh! I’m sharing in confidence, here. Besides, you don’t want to make a toddler cry.)

My parents were like that: Don’t ask, don’t tell. And now that I’m a parent, I think I swing the same way. Underage drinking? Never happened. Dating? I held hands. That trip to Montreal? I don’t know what you’re talking about. The last thing I want is my kid getting any ideas. And believe me, there would be plenty to get, despite my current persona as a placid suburban mom. I mean, if you met me, you’d never guess. And that’s the way I like it: I want my youthful indiscretions to stay in my youth.

My co-worker, on the other hand, felt the opposite about it all: She says she’ll share her misadventures, so her kids can learn from her mistakes. So that made me wonder what all the other moms out there are doing (and hiding). Who is a Teller and who is a Hider? Do worse mistakes make for less sharing? C'mon, spill it: You're among friends.



Thursday, May 21, 4:12 pm EDT

Q: My husband was just laid off. We’re ok moneywise, but he’s cranky and not interested in the kids – or sex. Can our marriage survive this?

A: Losing a job affects more than finances; it can shake a person’s confidence. And while it sounds like stereotyping, many men still feel responsible for providing for their families. When they can’t, their masculinity takes a hit – that can make even the most enlightened man irritable, standoffish, and even disinterested in sex. By offering the right kind of support, you can get through this tough time together. First, let him be. While we women may feel better by venting, most men – no news flash here – find the idea of sharing their deep, dark emotions about as fun as watching QVC. Let your husband know that you’re available to listen if he wants to talk, but then give him space. Next, help restore his confidence with compliments (not fake ones or he’ll feel patronized). For example, tell him what a great dad he is when you see him playing with the kids, or that he’s a fantastic chef when he makes dinner. As for your intimate life, while it can’t hurt to keep making advances so he knows you’re still attracted to him, try not to be offended when he’s not in the mood. In time, his confidence and libido will return. If they don’t, it’s time to look beyond the job situation. Have an honest discussion about ways to fix the problem, or seek the help of a counselor.

Laura Breman, Ph.D., runs The Berman Center, a sex therapy clinic for women and couples, in Chicago. Send her your questions here.

Are you dealing with unemployment in your marriage? Is Dr. Laura’s advice helpful to you?



Wednesday, February 11, 11:41 am EST

Here's the stereotype about sex and moms who work: Honey, can I squeeze you in for 20 minutes of nooky two weeks from Thursday if my conference call doesn't go late? Love ya!

Too many to-dos and too little time is still a near-universal reality, but a recent survey conducted by Working Mother revealed a surprising truth: most working mamas still want it, and they want more of it. In fact, three-quarters of respondents rated sex as "important" in their lives, and 71 percent are fitting it in between Blackberries and bottles a respectable two or three times a month.

To discover why toys (ahem, the adult kind) are a busy mom's best friend, the difference between mercy sex and just-say-no nights, and why becoming a daddy may make your husband less hot, read Frumpy, frazzled, and uninterested? No way.



Wednesday, January 28, 11:14 am EST

Photo courtesy of Flickr user stoichiometry, CC licensed

 

Did you hear about this? Twice a week, Canon workers in Japan are being forced to “go home and multiply” at 5:30 PM. The lights and heat are turned off, and the building is pretty much evacuated. The 1.34 birthrate, too low to maintain Japan’s population, is blamed on 12 hour work days. Apparently, they have been way too busy to make babies. What do you think about that, moms? You’re pretty busy – how do you make time?

This reminds me of employee weight loss programs, where workers get financial incentive to stay fit. When corporations have a strong hold on such a huge percentage of the population, enforcing things like baby making and working out really makes an impact. Maybe there are other things American companies should enforce to better the country. They could send employees home early -- not to make babies, but to spend time with them, and their families. Employees could be required to volunteer one day each month on a paid workday. Imagine if everyone did that. And imagine if everyone in Japan actually goes home and makes babies! I was going to suggest that Canon should set up people at the building’s exits and hand out massage oil and Marvin Gaye CDs, but maybe we should wait a few (9) months to see what the impact is.

What do you think?



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