I know this feeling too well. I am not pregnant right now but have been feeling the "dark cloud" hovering again. I feel like such a faker with my two kids when I try to smile and play with them like I don't have a care in the world. For some reason, God has allowed us to suffer this and our "broken brains". He must be confident that we can handle it and impact the world for good because or in spite of it. Our children will be stronger individuals and more empathetic and compassionate people because they saw our weaknesses and our strengths. I trully believe that. You are strong, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. This will pass and you will smile genuine smiles again.